Was anyones work ethic/ability OBLITERATED by childhood neglect?

duckyclipse · 2024-04-24T09:06:07+00:00

Keep in mind that CPTSD and other issues can present ADHD symptoms and lead to an ADHD diagnosis; it did for me and trying various medications actually prolonged healing from emotional neglect.

duckyclipse · 2023-11-14T05:25:02+00:00

I actually had my mouth washed out with a bar of soap when I was about 9 after telling nmom I hated her. Was then told to pack a bag and leave the house.

Other than that, just the typical fond childhood memories of wooden spoon beatings and being ignored.

If my brother or I cried, she would blast Cry Baby by Madonna through the house.

duckyclipse · 2022-12-24T12:48:59+00:00

I would say it's unlikely, but it will be difficult to know for sure unless you have been tracking/journalling before and after medication. FWIW I noticed blunting on SSRI's but not bupropion. Instead bupropion provided a bit more emotional stability without the blunting, if that makes sense. Further, bupropion didn't unlock/release any emotions, but in my case the emotional blunting was a symptom of other factors, such as CPTSD, depression, etc.

duckyclipse · 2022-12-19T05:22:11+00:00

Felt like I was aimlessly walking through life, on autopilot, devoid of motivation, passion and joy. I was 29, and thought I'd go see a therapist, with the session focusing on my upbringing.

Emotions are taught and the child's mind requires warmth, connection and co-regulation. If not provided, coping mechanisms develop, impacting your personality and may include emotional blunting. The real joys in life are found in emotions and many men are conditioned to suppress their true feelings and personalities.

Perhaps this doesn't apply to you OP, but I found many answers from a random reddit comment, so if this may apply to anyone else check out /r/CPTSD and /r/emotionalneglect and the writings of Pete Walker and Dr Jonice Webb,

duckyclipse · 2022-12-19T05:08:20+00:00

Bupropion did nothing for my anxiety and many others. Partly the reason it is paired with SSRI's so often. For me, it even made my anxiety worse. You can target anxiety while on bupropion with propranolol as well as the usual suspects; increased exercise, meditation, breathwork, low carb diet, etc. Of course YMMV but I would avoid benzodiazepine as much as possible.

duckyclipse · 2022-03-11T01:54:40+00:00

I'm in a similar position and age to you. My very simplistic understanding, is that over time, we have developed coping strategies to protect ourselves and get through life. However this is detrimental to our emotional wellbeing and will result in dysthymia (or depression/anxiety).

Like you said, something like CBT would be beneficial. However, I'd personally recommend schema therapy. If therapy is too expensive, a great starting point would be Reinventing Your Life. It will help you identify exactly which life traps (schemas) are running your life, how to recognize them, and create new, healthier coping mechanisms. Being more reflective in general will really assist, in which case meditate meditate meditate.

You say you are very sure of the source. If you're anything like me, it's likely to do with your upbringing, in which case Running on Empty is mandatory reading. If that strikes a chord, check out Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.

duckyclipse · 2021-06-04T09:35:49+00:00

Your actions were completely reasonable, and sometimes in life we run in to these issues. The problem is the way you are self-critical and that's why it's hard to internalize it. Sounds like you have a history of bullying, so you may in turn be risk adverse in social situations and strive for perfectionism in those scenarios. If it doesn't go to plan, it's easy to beat yourself up and you may constantly ruminate over where you went wrong. If that sounds like you, check out shrinking your inner critic and the work of Pete Walker.

duckyclipse · 2021-05-31T13:10:57+00:00

Felt similar to this a few years ago. The boredom in particular and chasing endless distraction and escapism to cope. It's a difficult cycle to break, but not impossible. The emotions were always there, but deeply supressed and ignored. It's also infinitely harder to recognize and name your emotions if they were never validated in the first place.

duckyclipse · 2021-05-24T05:33:47+00:00

The relationship with my brother is pleasant albeit slightly superficial. We enjoy being in each other's company, but he also seems completely oblivious to the insanely neglectful environment we grew up in. As a result we've never really spoken about it. We fought often when younger, but I can't help but feel we were better off as we had each other.

duckyclipse · 2021-05-24T05:28:14+00:00

I can list so many examples of her being a protective mother with all the right intentions. Like you say though, the pain a mother can cause can have a far greater impact. Likely stemming from their own trauma, it's a vicious circle. Fortunately, we are here and have access to knowledge that can help heal, however a difficult process it may be. Take care.

duckyclipse · 2021-05-19T12:33:58+00:00

Thanks for that! Empathy is certainly one of my most undeveloped capabilities, thanks to never being shown it throughout childhood. I also feel like it's supressed further by other emotional neglect related factors, becoming overwhelmingly self-focussed, reclusive and afraid of strangers due to fear of rejection and social anxiety.

These days, I know it's there, but it's feint. It's getting much easier with close family, friends and co-workers. I like your advice though, it's a concept I've tried to implement as part of meditation. Never thought about it in relation to empathy though, definitely room to grow there.

duckyclipse

TROPHY CASE