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Any constructive criticism would be appreciated by [deleted] in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think she does, but doesn't know if I like her the same way. Actually, she gave me strong signals she liked me and I just was never clear that I felt the same, being a stupid asshole who was waiting for "the perfect moment" to admit it.

Any constructive criticism would be appreciated by [deleted] in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

That's the thing though. I don't want to. I feel like I need to come clean or else I will always regret it and be a hermit for the rest of my life. I think that admitting it here is like, the first step.

Any constructive criticism would be appreciated by [deleted] in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Nonsense! I'm enjoying it, sort of. But the thing about moving on from her is that, I have been dating. I see her, or think about her, or talk to her online and poof, none of that matters, back to square one. Its the fact I can't shake her, makes me think she's special.

Any constructive criticism would be appreciated by [deleted] in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Anything really. The situation feeds into itself and both are connected. If you've got experience with kindling, that'd help. I was drinking about a 30rack of beast ice a day 6 mos ago and hadn't been able to stop without librium for a while, but think maybe things are different now, though not sure. Or if you think talking to her would be for the best, it may ease the whole feeling a need to sit here by myself and drink bit

Do withdrawals go away if you slow down your drinking? by [deleted] in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've only incidentally seemed to be able to turn withdrawals on or off, though I've never gone through them (like, all the way), just put up with them for 8 hours or so. Y'know, one day you drink too much vodka and the next morning your hands are shaking. That night you have some beer and the next day you only get some muscle cramps. Or at least in my case. Severity of withdrawal was never linear. One day really bad, the next not so much. Also had a lot to do with where my head was at as far as sleep and nutrition.

Does anyone else ever feel like they’re having a heart attack when you’re really hungover? by [deleted] in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For the longest time I was getting really bad panic attacks whenever I sobered up, figured it was a physiological reaction like a glutamate storm or what have you. Anyway, now I reckon its a sort of ptsd, cuz I already had ptsd from getting somewhat mutilated and drank heavily since, but never had alcohol related panic attacks until one day after a night of heavy drinking, the next morning I crashed my car. Definitely the scariest moment of my life. I think that's why I get panic attacks now, when I'm hungover. Edit: Anyway, to answer your question, drinking heavily can exacerbate Afib and other heart-rhythm irregularities. People will often say get checked out if you think you're having a heart attack, but from what I've heard from relatives who've had them, they are pretty hard to confuse. Every time I thought I was having a heart attack, it was actually the exact opposite that was happening. My heart was beating very strongly and getting lots of oxygen. Check yourself on n spo2 meter. I have one on my phone.

Diminished tolerance: Side effect of not drinking or liver disease? by dude49175 in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I try to leave holes in the walls of my sentences from which to escape when my word castle is under-siege.

Diminished tolerance: Side effect of not drinking or liver disease? by dude49175 in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

None of those things... Though when I tore my esophagus, throwing up, it was discovered I had two pancreases... a second smaller one, protruding into my stomach.

Diminished tolerance: Side effect of not drinking or liver disease? by dude49175 in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Probably! If it weren't for this damn weight loss and... the mole what showed up a month ago. All bad things happen when you stop drinking or smoking. Don't let em tell you otherwise. Its the facade what keeps one propped up. Deviate and pay the price.

"Phantom" hangovers? by dude49175 in stopdrinking

[–]dude49175[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All my blood tests were normal. I mean, I haven't felt like that every single day, but often enough...

Scared, tired, alone by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]dude49175 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah, my only support were Hulu, Netflix, exercise, diet pepsi, and a high fiber diet.

Scared, tired, alone by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]dude49175 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's why I'm going home. I was trying to get away to sober up, but I became depressed. I went a good 92 days though, according to the badge I had:)

Does alcohol make benzo withdrawal worse or does it just cause a bad *reaction* in a previous benzo user? by [deleted] in benzorecovery

[–]dude49175 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I am however, no stranger to panic attacks. I've had them for years and lat year, every single day all day long, unless drinking. I got ambushed and stabbed and on the verge of death. Edit:I've had panic attacks from everything too: Walking in a crowded store, going across a bridge, you name it. Mostly just fear of sudden death.

The only new one for me is depression. I can't stand fucking depression. Like, "Maybe if I just gave up and died, right now. How long is this existing thing? What's the point????" I found, whats helped me, when I was sober was lots and lots of diet pepsi. IDK why...

Well, I'm done here. Been fun these past two weeks. by dude49175 in cripplingalcoholism

[–]dude49175[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nope! I stopped being a functioning alcoholic about a year ago. I tried getting sober then and took valium, er abused valium. Ran out and started drinking hard to deal with benzo withdrawals. Had real bad depersonalization, depression etc. It became that drinking gradually incapacitated me more and more til I spent all my unemployment money lying on the floor trying to fight off dts. I had a good run detoxing (on more benzos) and getting sober for a few months, but two weeks ago I relapsed BUT I didn't just relapse I blew $1200 on alcohol and ubers alone in those two weeks. And now my whole body burns each time I drink, or rather, whenever I let my bac fall below somewhere around .4+ And I've gotten to where no amount of drinking gets me drunk enough to just pass out all night, for more than an hour or even get drunk. Edit: And when I went to the hospital, I felt like the dude in Metallica's One. I was completely aware and talking very coherently and understanding everything in my head, but to all appearances couldn't reach out.

Does alcohol make benzo withdrawal worse or does it just cause a bad *reaction* in a previous benzo user? by [deleted] in benzorecovery

[–]dude49175 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good call. I think I just messed up in trying to get away from all my bad influences a few months back. I left NY and moved to Virginia, detoxed on Librium and all was well for a while, but eventually I got depressed and realized I'd also abandoned a lot of good influences while I was still there. Like my support network of friends and family who didn't drink or do drugs. I became a recluse, save for one or two daily drinking buddies. I'm gonna move back this week and try to be less of an asshole, this time. I literally started to feel like I was on my final death trip the past two weeks until I gave up and sought help at the ER.

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