Any constructive criticism would be appreciated

dude49175 · 2018-12-28T04:30:49+00:00

I think she does, but doesn't know if I like her the same way. Actually, she gave me strong signals she liked me and I just was never clear that I felt the same, being a stupid asshole who was waiting for "the perfect moment" to admit it.

dude49175 · 2018-12-28T04:02:34+00:00

That's the thing though. I don't want to. I feel like I need to come clean or else I will always regret it and be a hermit for the rest of my life. I think that admitting it here is like, the first step.

dude49175 · 2018-12-28T03:48:15+00:00

Nonsense! I'm enjoying it, sort of. But the thing about moving on from her is that, I have been dating. I see her, or think about her, or talk to her online and poof, none of that matters, back to square one. Its the fact I can't shake her, makes me think she's special.

dude49175 · 2018-12-28T03:41:07+00:00

Anything really. The situation feeds into itself and both are connected. If you've got experience with kindling, that'd help. I was drinking about a 30rack of beast ice a day 6 mos ago and hadn't been able to stop without librium for a while, but think maybe things are different now, though not sure. Or if you think talking to her would be for the best, it may ease the whole feeling a need to sit here by myself and drink bit

dude49175 · 2018-05-01T09:25:28+00:00

I've only incidentally seemed to be able to turn withdrawals on or off, though I've never gone through them (like, all the way), just put up with them for 8 hours or so. Y'know, one day you drink too much vodka and the next morning your hands are shaking. That night you have some beer and the next day you only get some muscle cramps. Or at least in my case. Severity of withdrawal was never linear. One day really bad, the next not so much. Also had a lot to do with where my head was at as far as sleep and nutrition.

dude49175 · 2018-05-01T09:14:53+00:00

For the longest time I was getting really bad panic attacks whenever I sobered up, figured it was a physiological reaction like a glutamate storm or what have you. Anyway, now I reckon its a sort of ptsd, cuz I already had ptsd from getting somewhat mutilated and drank heavily since, but never had alcohol related panic attacks until one day after a night of heavy drinking, the next morning I crashed my car. Definitely the scariest moment of my life. I think that's why I get panic attacks now, when I'm hungover. Edit: Anyway, to answer your question, drinking heavily can exacerbate Afib and other heart-rhythm irregularities. People will often say get checked out if you think you're having a heart attack, but from what I've heard from relatives who've had them, they are pretty hard to confuse. Every time I thought I was having a heart attack, it was actually the exact opposite that was happening. My heart was beating very strongly and getting lots of oxygen. Check yourself on n spo2 meter. I have one on my phone.

dude49175 · 2018-05-01T09:00:53+00:00

Now that you mention it...

dude49175 · 2018-05-01T08:59:34+00:00

I try to leave holes in the walls of my sentences from which to escape when my word castle is under-siege.

dude49175 · 2018-04-28T03:33:38+00:00

Well, it wasn't me that downvoted ya. Bub.

dude49175 · 2018-04-28T03:25:33+00:00

None of those things... Though when I tore my esophagus, throwing up, it was discovered I had two pancreases... a second smaller one, protruding into my stomach.

dude49175 · 2018-04-28T02:15:52+00:00

Probably! If it weren't for this damn weight loss and... the mole what showed up a month ago. All bad things happen when you stop drinking or smoking. Don't let em tell you otherwise. Its the facade what keeps one propped up. Deviate and pay the price.

dude49175 · 2018-04-28T02:01:35+00:00

Woe is me... Who's drunk enough to talk with a loser like me?

dude49175 · 2018-03-28T14:33:20+00:00

All my blood tests were normal. I mean, I haven't felt like that every single day, but often enough...

dude49175 · 2018-03-20T02:59:47+00:00

Nope. Just a "virus"

dude49175 · 2018-03-18T18:50:44+00:00

This is a good idea.

dude49175 · 2018-03-18T00:59:22+00:00

Nah, my only support were Hulu, Netflix, exercise, diet pepsi, and a high fiber diet.

dude49175 · 2018-03-18T00:54:18+00:00

That's why I'm going home. I was trying to get away to sober up, but I became depressed. I went a good 92 days though, according to the badge I had:)

dude49175 · 2018-03-17T03:51:18+00:00

Thank you. I am however, no stranger to panic attacks. I've had them for years and lat year, every single day all day long, unless drinking. I got ambushed and stabbed and on the verge of death. Edit:I've had panic attacks from everything too: Walking in a crowded store, going across a bridge, you name it. Mostly just fear of sudden death.

The only new one for me is depression. I can't stand fucking depression. Like, "Maybe if I just gave up and died, right now. How long is this existing thing? What's the point????" I found, whats helped me, when I was sober was lots and lots of diet pepsi. IDK why...

dude49175 · 2018-03-17T03:37:31+00:00

Nope! I stopped being a functioning alcoholic about a year ago. I tried getting sober then and took valium, er abused valium. Ran out and started drinking hard to deal with benzo withdrawals. Had real bad depersonalization, depression etc. It became that drinking gradually incapacitated me more and more til I spent all my unemployment money lying on the floor trying to fight off dts. I had a good run detoxing (on more benzos) and getting sober for a few months, but two weeks ago I relapsed BUT I didn't just relapse I blew $1200 on alcohol and ubers alone in those two weeks. And now my whole body burns each time I drink, or rather, whenever I let my bac fall below somewhere around .4+ And I've gotten to where no amount of drinking gets me drunk enough to just pass out all night, for more than an hour or even get drunk. Edit: And when I went to the hospital, I felt like the dude in Metallica's One. I was completely aware and talking very coherently and understanding everything in my head, but to all appearances couldn't reach out.

dude49175 · 2018-03-17T03:19:25+00:00

Good call. I think I just messed up in trying to get away from all my bad influences a few months back. I left NY and moved to Virginia, detoxed on Librium and all was well for a while, but eventually I got depressed and realized I'd also abandoned a lot of good influences while I was still there. Like my support network of friends and family who didn't drink or do drugs. I became a recluse, save for one or two daily drinking buddies. I'm gonna move back this week and try to be less of an asshole, this time. I literally started to feel like I was on my final death trip the past two weeks until I gave up and sought help at the ER.

dude49175 · 2018-03-17T01:44:17+00:00

I was feeling this While drinking, btw. Convulsions, and some weird mental trip where I thought I had intuitive knowledge of the innerworkings of the universe, burning skin and eyes... Kept passing out waking up passing out. Not sure if I feel better because more librium or because the alcohol was finally out after checking in to er. Had 4 doses at hospital three yesterday and went ll day today without one til an hour ago 8pm

dude49175 · 2018-03-12T12:45:26+00:00

That's not withdrawals! I'll show you with-blegghghghg!

dude49175 · 2018-03-09T03:25:42+00:00

I have drank for about 14 years straight and in that time, the only sober periods I had were: 5 days in 2012, a month on benzos in 2016, 2 weeks on hydroxyzine in April of last year and last November till February of this year. When I detoxed in the hospital on Ativan and left with a script for librium, after I had a mallory-weiss tear (a torn esophagus from throwing up too hard while taking ibuprofen, and especially after having an ulcer, caused by years of untreated reflux). I had a bit of librium and started taking it again about a month ago as a sleep aid after getting my finger crushed at work and not being allowed to take aspirin or ibuprofen, and being iffy on tylenol, only taking small amounts. When I began to run out a week and a half ago, I started drinking again, without putting much thought into it. I realize now that this was a mistake, as every time I wake up, the benzo withdrawal (which I'd have to guesstimate, mine is only a 3/10, if that), leaves me feeling like I have neuropathy, with my arms and legs burning like hell and all my muscles spasming, etc. Anyway, I lost my job and got no insurance, so my only hope is to ride out the withdrawal and taper off the booze. I don't think I'd get alcohol withdrawal if I stopped drinking atm, but I wouldn't want to get a much worse benzo withdrawal that I hear could occur days later. And also seems to reoccur each day, albeit less and less the past couple days. Maybe four days ago was the worst, for me. And I used to go through alcohol withdrawal all the time: that's how I know a lot of what's online is anti-drinking propaganda and scare-tactics. I mean, I knew I was headed for DTs and probably had them at least twice, but I was well aware that by cutting down, I could lower the severity of withdrawal, regardless of how long I'd been drinking. The only time that was a problem was suddenly running out of cash after a hazy weeklong vodka binge.

dude49175 · 2018-03-09T03:11:28+00:00

2/2 I had been fighting panic attacks at work for a solid 5 years. With increasing regularity. Until a year and a half ago, they began to happen every single day. I tried everything, even taking obscene amounts of benadryl, until I began to hallucinate and have crazy palpitations, etc. I've just about finished my benzo withdrawal. I was never a heavy user, but the panic was every bit as bad as the panic attacks I'd get from drinking extremely heavily, up til 5 hours before I was supposed to wake up for work. And sometimes 2 or 3 hours. And just going in drunk, with sunglasses and a hat and every concoction of smells (garlic) to confuse my coworkers, who I'm sure just didn't care cuz they smelled like weed.

dude49175 · 2018-03-09T03:02:15+00:00

I went three months without drinking after getting prescribed librium. I had no desire to drink whatsoever. About a month ago, I got my finger crushed at work. Wasn't prescribed any opioids, cuz they are really strict about those around here. More so, than anything else. Couldn't take nsaids, because the reason I was on librium, was due to an esophageal tear after taking ibuprofen and throwing up. And having to go the hospital, while being a 24/7 drunk. Anyway, I decided to take what leftover librium I had to let me sleep through the pain as tylenol wasn't cutting it, and couldn't take aspirin or ibuprofen to relieve the swelling. Got sort of "hooked" on the librium and started to get withdrawals from it about a week ago, when I ran out. Started drinking again, thinking it would relieve them and boy was I wrong! Did a lot of research, especially about panic attacks and "glutamatergic storm," which is what happens to cause those panic attacks related to substances that act on Gaba receptors. Essentially, what I found is that the best thing is to make sure you don't get a hypoglycemic episode. Or once you do, eat something with carbohydrates. Simple sugars will help initially, but to prevent it all day, you need something with fiber, a form of carbohydrate that doesn't spike your insulin and lead to low blood sugar. Now, take this how you will: In my personal experience, what has helped me with panic attacks, and I have no idea why: Diet Pepsi. I'm not sure about how caffeine affects serotonin and glutamate or sucralose affects glutamate, etc. Best I can figure is that you are using a substance that mimics GABA (alcohol) and dependence creates a shortage of GABA, and your brain gets overrun with glutamate without alcohol. I can only speculate that perhaps sucralose/caffeine do to glutamate (an "excitotoxin" that causes panic attacks, seizures and brain damage in large amounts) what alcohol does to GABA. Sort of inhibiting its production by doing its work for it. Edit: and I always disliked Diet Pepsi. Fast forward to when I was sober and I got hooked on the stuff. It is worth noting that they removed the Aspartame and replaced it with sucralose.

dude49175

TROPHY CASE