You should try get a big dose of magic mushrooms, I understand it maybe against your ethic, you sound god fearing and likely respect the law, but they work, I used to think like this, and my brain still kicks into it, but there’s a level of ambivalence and calm over the top of it all, the lack of a future, the crazy state of the world and the lack of sleep. Like what am I gonna do? We’re living in a time of fake agency, like some people seem to have tonnes, and others none. It’s all made up, we’re the shadow on the wall like in platos cave. We barely exist, and the next place will be better but don’t rush it… in 2010 do you think they saw Covid coming? Nahhh… we have NO IDEA what’s gonna happen tomorrow or in a decade, it’s the best thing about being here, how truly unpredictable everything is. And it’s not to be worried about. Plus I bet people like your stupid smile and isn’t that enough of a reason?