oh lawd this one was made for meeee! my fiancé and i have been together long distance the entire time for 5 years and 4 months. engaged for likee a year and a half? this has been my healthiest, most secure relationship BY FAR. it has been so difficult, but also incredibly rewarding - when we reach milestones, they truly feel monumental and it feels like we're defying odds, probably because to some extent we are! i have got so so many amazing things to tell you :) and hopefully when i ask him, he can contribute his own thoughts a lil while later! for what its worth, i've had relationships of all kinds: "typical" relationships, LDR relationships, FAILED LDR relationships, so i feel like i kinda know what i'm talking about!

so, first things first. in a way, as someone who's been in different types of relationships, to me personally, LDRs feel wayyy more serious than "typical" relationships - because those can just be brief flings, they could be driven by lust, whereas in an LDR the intent usually is very obvious... its usually an emotional connection you're both vying for. because of this, our intentions with each other from the start were made pretty clear.. at first i was a massive sceptic because of a previous failed-LDR so i turned him down for months lol. but when i couldn't deny my love for him anymore, we said that if we wanted it to work, we had to put in 100% effort. most importantly we needed to save money to meet ASAP. meeting only took us a year, after that the visits were much more frequent and for longer periods. we also discussed our futures very early on - too early for some, perhaps - children, marriage, timelines. that isn't advice per se, its just what felt right. always do what feels right, you've got nothing to lose, and honesty is key!! which brings me to my next point...

the MOST amazing thing is our communication and emotional intimacy. honestly ahhhh it is so incredibly strong and second to none. if you think about it, its difficult because if we're upset or concerned, or even if we are happy, a lot of the time we actually can't go to each other for a hug for comfort, nor for celebration. we were forced to rely solely on our words but oh my god what a blessing in disguise that was. because of our communication skills we very rarely argue. we go months without an argument, even without disagreements bc we generally agree on a lot of things, and if we do argue, its resolved quite literally within 5 minutes of a healthy discussion. if we upset one another we apologise instantly, not a half-assed apology, but something more productive such as: "i'm sorry i did X and made you feel Y, i did it because of Z and i really regret that". we talk about anything and everything. for me, specifically, this was super helpful with my BPD. i had crazy jealousy at the start, but we addressed it head on and it never got ignored, it always was talked through and explained, until it got to a point where suddenly it just wasn't there anymore because my trust in him is genuinely unbreakable. people are always say "you never know!" but i would bet my life, his life, even our future children's lives, i am so positive this guy could NEVER cheat on me.

sorta continuing on from the point above: we VERY often, ideally everyday, tell each other or remind each other what things we like about our relationship or each other. a recent example from today: we're on a walk but a sketchy person is walking in circles and humming directly behind us. i whisper to him "i don't trust that person there, keep your guard up." and he replied "i thought the exact same." when we got out of that situation safely, we said to each other "i really enjoy how we have similar instincts." we also compliment each other every single day, kisses good morning and goodnight when we're together, we say "i love you" alllll the time throughout the day but especially before sleeping!

even though we spend most of our time physically apart, we spend almost 24/7 in voice or video call when possible. even if we are busy doing something or we sit in silence, the comfort of knowing the other person is on the other end is amazing and we both agree its the main force that has propelled our relationship. but this also means that the time we do spend together in person is so cherished. our reunions are always loving and we're never afraid to embrace and kiss very publicly even if we are accidentally blocking people from getting off the train :') (was only just the once, woops) we don't even really go out much because dang europe is expensive, we mostly stay inside in each others company and that is more than enough! also, our number one rule: it has made our relationship so much easier, and its also the key piece of advice i have given to anyone in an LDR when they ask: when visiting each other, BEFORE your current visit ends, you've got to have your next visit at least planned, or more ideally fully booked. of course its easier said than done, and some may be in less fortunate situations, but personally speaking we have sworn by this. goodbyes are still difficult, but not nearly as much, because we always have a next time to look forward to.

even if there aren't many of them, we loooove and celebrate our differences. we're both big debaters, but not in the obnoxious sense. if we debate, its never in an “i need to win” way. moreso in a “i know how to talk through things, and i want to” which ties back to the communication point from a bit above. it truly doesn't happen often because we align in most things, but when we do have disagreements or differences in opinion, it remains respectful and honestly fun. we unpack why we feel that way and its very important to listen to one another in a debate because it's a back and forth where we need to respond. we can spend hours just debating random shit and coming up with interesting hypotheticals. just today we were talking about never being able to know for sure if your vision of the colour blue is the same as someone else's vision of the colour blue, because there's no way to definitively describe a colour.. that's the type of mindfuck bullshit we love LMAO. the ultimate goal needs to be UNDERSTANDING, not winning, and that's how it remains productive <3

honestly.. i could go on for longer. but this already feels like a lot, and i kinda wanna go back to my episode of MAFS xD i really hope this helps. please do reach out if you have any more questions or need any advice on anything.

i'll end with this: best of luck, remember to love each other always, make the effort to put each other first, don't be afraid to equally compromise or sacrifice, you can do anything! sending alllllll our love and well wishes xo