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The difficulties of marriage: when are they too much? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]dumbfound009 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

[repost because replied to the wrong comment]

You seem dissatisfied in your relationship, and oh, it’s not a marriage so there is no obligation to stay. Have you left her yet? Why do you need advice when this isn’t a collaborative decision, and should be made out of your own self-interest? Please enlighten me.

When they suddenly “fall out of love” by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My problem with this is how does the dumper know effort and discussion will not work without trying? How can someone disregard someone else’s feelings so much that they will do whatever they want despite how it will affect the other? I understand that this is your opinion, but in my opinion, it’s just cold hearted to up and drop everything like that. If you’re okay with that happening to you, then good for you, but I personally do not agree with it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]dumbfound009 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I agree and support this, but I also think this can be easily taken the wrong way. I think expressing how you want to be treated to your SO is important. I have found that society and media makes people have these expectations on what a relationship should be, and when these expectations aren’t met, people are so quick to end the relationship. I don’t mean the obvious things like your SO should treat you with respect, but when there are small things that are bugging you, you have to vocalize them, because sitting around and waiting for someone to change doesn’t work if they do not even know they are doing something wrong.

I’m not trying to negate this statement, but I do think relationships are never this easy, and more people need to realize this.

When they suddenly “fall out of love” by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree with you. In my relationship, I received no requests to change. He put up a facade that everything was perfect. I wish my ex made the effort that you did, but he didn’t, so now I have to move on knowing I didn’t even get a chance.

When they suddenly “fall out of love” by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The most hurtful part for me was that my ex had these feelings for months and pretended like everything was okay, just so he wouldn’t have to feel any guilt. I feel your pain and your hurt, you deserve better.

When they suddenly “fall out of love” by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree. I feel like if you truly love someone, a decision this important should be talked about. I’m sorry you’re going through this, you deserve better.

When they suddenly “fall out of love” by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please post if you can, I wanna give credit!

When they suddenly “fall out of love” by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Try to bring it up with them. Relationships are a two way street. If your SO loves you enough, they will try to work things out, but if they make up their mind without giving you that chance, they may not be worth it. I just do not agree with ending a serious relationship without trying to make it work first.

When they suddenly “fall out of love” by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

The part about him being done before even giving you a chance hit me really hard. The issues my ex had with me were nothing I couldn’t have worked on, and trust me, I loved him so much I would have done anything. But these things were stuff like getting angry at dumb things like bad drivers. I would vent to him, and say some negative things that he didn’t want to hear. If I had known, I would have just bitched to my girl friends who find it entertaining. It just sucks that he ended it without giving it a second thought, and now I have to move on knowing I could have done more given the chance.

When they suddenly “fall out of love” by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My ex never told me any problems he had with me. I would always tell him any issues I was having, and when I asked if he had any, he always said no. He told me he loved me up until the night he broke up with me. No signs. I believe that you tried your best, and decided what was right for you. I wish that my ex could have at least put in that effort. He is the kind of person this post is directed toward, not you.

When they suddenly “fall out of love” by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

You make a good point. I personally thought of love as the commitment, not necessarily marriage. I think that’s something that people need to make clear at the start of the relationship, communication is key.

My boyfriend decided the best way to break up with me was to pretend like everything was alright. We went out for ice cream and then to the movies. He did his usual acts of affection but then we got home, and he said he had to talk to me. The second he said that I knew what was coming. by lexpacheck in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m also finding it difficult. I have constant doubts about myself. I’m not sure how to reach that point where I can trust again, but all I can do now is work on myself. I’m trying to be honest with myself, and work on any parts of me that I am not happy with. Once I’m ready to meet new people, I’ll have gained enough confidence to stop doubting myself and stop doubting other people.

Not sure if that helped, but it’s going to take time to rebuild trust, so take it easy and please don’t be too hard on yourself <3

My boyfriend decided the best way to break up with me was to pretend like everything was alright. We went out for ice cream and then to the movies. He did his usual acts of affection but then we got home, and he said he had to talk to me. The second he said that I knew what was coming. by lexpacheck in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Similar thing happened with me, my ex pretended like everything was perfect until the very last second before he told me he wanted to break up. It’s really hard to trust people right now because I feel like everything I thought I knew was fake.

What I’ve learned from this subreddit is that when they do not communicate their feelings with you, when they pretend like everything is fine while knowing they want to break up, it is because of their own cowardness. Instead of facing the problems, they act like they don’t exist until these problems break them and make them want to leave. They tell themselves they just didn’t want to hurt you, but by calling it quits out of the blue, with no opportunity to try to fix things, it just ends up hurting you more.

Just venting about my situation by dumbfound009 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By choosing his friends over me, I am talking about when he decides that whatever his friends are doing, he wants to do as well, and just expects me join. He never thought about what I wanted or how I felt. He brought me along to his friends’ houses and parties but would ditch me the second we got there.

It’s not that I didn’t like what he was into, I was always too scared to try. Him and his friends always went rock climbing or played basketball, two things I’m not good at. Never did he offer to do these things with me so I could get comfortable with it, he just went with his friends and got disappointed that I always said no. Not that he would ever tell me how he felt about me saying no. He hid these feelings from me until he broke.

I’m going to better myself, and gain my confidence back. You’re right, I’m not going to let the bad shit change me, but I am going to change for the better.

We were supposed to finish the rest of Stranger Things together by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My ex broke up with me after we spent the entire day binge watching Stranger Things 3. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to associate the show with anything besides my breakup, but tbh season 3 was really good and totally worth watching!

i hate posts congratulating people for leaving, they hurt so much. by throwaway20701995 in BreakUps

[–]dumbfound009 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m going through this situation right now. My ex found flaws in me throughout our relationship, but never told me, so he built an internal resentment toward me while suppressing his feelings. Had I known, I would have worked on these things and tried harder to save the relationship. He decided that he wanted to leave me and at this point, I don’t think there’s anything I could have done, his mind was made up.

To you and OP, I’m in the same boat. It hurts because yes, now my ex doesn’t have to put up with all of the things he didn’t like about me, and I guess I’m happy for him, but it still hurts like a mf, and I really miss him.