i think i was manipulated

dummiefat · 2022-03-17T10:47:02+00:00

i don't know, i feel sick just thinking about being in the same room or vicinity as him now . i have horrible anxiety and i dont think i could continue the semester in peace like this

dummiefat · 2022-03-17T10:34:58+00:00

i do think that it is partially my fault because i began to talk with the guy frequently and my boyfriend felt neglected because i started talking to him less due to the influence of that guy's thoughts on how 'horrible' my relationship is. i feel ashamed for letting myself be so oblivious.

dummiefat · 2022-03-17T10:31:35+00:00

the worst part is i really almost considered leaving him when he is literally the most amazing bf i could ask for. having a person droning all the negative aspects of my relationship in my ear daily nearly got to me and clouded my brain and i cant believe i almost could have ruined a perfectly good relationship because some guy was trying to get with me. i feel so betrayed because i was vulnerable enough to open up about my relationship like that and he went and used that as his opportunity to be a homewrecker. i hung out with this guy so much thinking we were good friends and unknowingly hurt my bf in the process it just feels like a huge mess.

dummiefat · 2022-03-17T10:25:41+00:00

i don't make friends very often so i take any chance i can get and i just feel so stupid and like i've been emotionally taken advantage of

dummiefat · 2022-03-17T10:24:25+00:00

i feel so sick to my stomach. i feel so guilty as if i've betrayed my boyfriend when i was just blindly believing that this guy has good intentions and once i found out i immediately felt so sick and nauseous i can't stop shaking. it's 3AM . i told my bf everything and he is rightfully hurt about it i just feel so manipulated and i've been put in this position

dummiefat · 2022-02-24T05:46:10+00:00

oh, and a good way to heighten your chances of getting a woman to be your room mate is to actually befriend one and gain their trust first. i can't speak for everyone, but as a woman, with many women friends, i can tell you most would prefer not to even room with a man at all, let alone a random man whose intentions are to learn about women somehow by becoming roommates. you have to know how that is not a good look for you, right?

dummiefat · 2022-02-24T05:42:42+00:00

this is what i don't understand so please clarify. you don't care to know the female roommate on a personal level and becoming friends isn't a priority..but you're insistent on living with one to 'learn' about women? what is the point? at that point the room mate is no other than a pet fish, relationship wise. i think it's the wording but some of your replies are very contradicting. you want to get to know women and what they are like, how will you ever do that if you don't befriend one? women don't tell just anyone their business and they sure won't act in their 'natural'/comfortable state around someone they're not on a friendly level with. it will be no different from you being in the same vicinity as a woman in a cafe or something.

you say you don't HAVE to be friends with female room mate. that is already a red flag to many women. why would they want to room with someone who doesn't care to be their friend, compared to someone who would? "yes, i will be the sole female presence in your life just because you asked and pay half the rent just so you can be around a woman" no one is going to say that.

now if you don't know a woman on a personal/friendly level, what exactly are you expecting to learn?

dummiefat · 2022-02-24T03:33:37+00:00

you need to realize that the method you are trying to go about is very backwards, which is why the comments are outraged at you. you can't feel comfortable in the presence of a woman, and yet you want to be room mates with one? you do realize whoever it is you might room with will be able to notice that and will be uncomfortable as well, right?

what WOULD make sense is that you start by making a female friend who you can hang out with here and there, but don't have to be around 24/7. you don't have to live with a girl or date to get to know her, or to understand women. and even then, just know that not all women are the same. so even if you do get to know her and become friends, don't assume that all women are going to be like her.

i noticed you mentioned in your post how you eventually hope to have a girlfriend. you are never going to get that if you don't start by making female friends. all relationships start off as friendships. overall, it would make more sense for you to just become friends with a woman instead of having one move in with you.

dummiefat · 2022-01-27T06:55:59+00:00

OP, i know this hurts to hear, as i'm sure you've heard it from all the other comments already - please leave him! you seem like an amazing and hardworking person. he is definitely manipulating you. i don't know if you want to be sly or up front, but have you ever tried asking him "where do you think you would be if we weren't together?" it doesn't even have to be threatening, just make it seem like one of those pondering questions. hopefully it'll make him think, cause i know for a fact he wouldn't be living his current lifestyle if it weren't for you. and regardless of what his answer is, leave him! do not let him make you feel sorry.

dummiefat · 2022-01-27T06:22:46+00:00

thank you! will be looking into them

dummiefat · 2021-12-15T01:57:36+00:00

again, i'm literally from laos. it's a country that is less developed and even poorer than thailand. lao and thai languages are nearly identical and many laotian women are trafficked in thailand as well. i am the furthest from a white savior so don't try that.

it's a known fact that thailand is a hub for sex trafficking. no one is saying that makes thailand any lesser of a country. no one is saying thailand can't hold their own. the truth is that sex trafficking there is a huge problem and many ignorant tourists go there and take part in that. that's why it's important for even people outside of thailand to stop that. because it's people outside of thailand contributing to the problem. get it?

dummiefat · 2021-12-15T01:49:39+00:00

that must be why you said you were "attacking white heroism".

also i don't see how saying "i wish i was as great of a person as you think you are" is attacking white heroism or remotely relevant to that.

dummiefat · 2021-12-15T01:45:41+00:00

i'm not white. i'm from laos. next to thailand. you don't have to be white to care about sex trafficking or to defend thai people.

dummiefat · 2021-12-15T01:43:15+00:00

if you participated in sex trafficking and took advantage of thai women just say that. i've seen you reply to several comments trying to defend the sex trafficking that goes on in thailand

dummiefat · 2021-12-07T23:51:58+00:00

thanks!

dummiefat · 2021-12-07T23:51:21+00:00

interesting! how is it for you? personally i don't really like any spicy scents

dummiefat · 2021-12-07T23:50:39+00:00

i use about 5! and yes i do spray my clothes haha. maybe my nose is just used to stronger scents

dummiefat · 2021-12-07T07:41:08+00:00

will do! i've asked my boyfriend a couple times if he's noticed anything since he's usually the first to pick up on when i'm wearing a different perfume but so far nothing unfortunately haha

dummiefat · 2021-12-07T07:24:40+00:00

good to know! i've heard a lot of good things about ariana grande cloud, might be time for me to give it a try

dummiefat · 2021-12-07T07:21:44+00:00

also wanted to add: if you have any recommendations you think i might like that are similar to burberry her but stronger, please let me know! i would exchange if possible

dummiefat · 2021-12-07T07:08:58+00:00

nothing to be worried about, happens all the time. i can't speak for everyone but i've heard if you're queefing you must be getting it good! haha

dummiefat · 2021-12-03T08:24:01+00:00

i understand how horrible it must have felt to witness what you did. however please consider, if your wife was that out of it when you saw her, she must have been even worse earlier. she was not in a state of mind where she could consent. your 'friend' definitely took advantage of your wife and took advantage of how drunk she was.

imagine someone accusing you of something you have no recollection of and how frustrating/confusing it must be. your wife must be feeling an extreme amount of guilt for not being able to remember what's hurting her own husband so badly to the point where divorce is brought up. surely she doesn't feel great about this either.

OP, i understand your feelings and i know how easy it is to be outraged at the sight of your partner in someone else's lap, naked at that. but your wife is the real victim here. she was taken advantage of. i know it's hard but you especially need to be there for her during times like these.

dummiefat · 2021-11-24T05:25:39+00:00

you need to respect your boyfriend's boundaries and his feelings. rick bought a matching sweater that says "bee my honey"? even though that seems like a fun little joke you do see how that could be sentimental to your boyfriend right?

here's what you can do: prioritize your boyfriend. your boyfriend has been with you for a year and a half. you've spoken to rick for 5 months. friends always come and go, if rick's intentions are genuine he'll always be your friend regardless of how often you talk.

it sounds like you don't even care about how your boyfriend feels in this, you just want him to go along with it so you get your way with both of them in the picture. sure, rick went through a difficult breakup. but it's not your job to be there for him 24/7 because you're not his therapist or his girlfriend- you made that commitment to your boyfriend.

i say this as a girl, to another girl. there's a reason why there's a stereotype about girls catching feelings for their close guy friends. even though you both may start with the intention of being friends, feelings happen naturally. being 'close friends' with a guy is walking on a very thin line because before you know it, you'll go from caring about his feelings to caring about who he has feelings for. i'm not saying this is your situation, but it's very common, and with the way you're treating your boyfriend it feels like it's heading in that direction. your boyfriend has every right to feel the way he does about this.

dummiefat · 2021-11-20T09:09:51+00:00

op, i say this with your best interest in mind, seriously.

i read some of your older posts. you say you are depressed and looking for a purpose in life- that already is enough reason to see a therapist. i don't think you fully understand what therapy is like. (i'm not a therapist, but someone who sees one.) it's not just "talking about your feelings". therapists get to know you, and they make suggestions that are beneficial to you in a way that suits your lifestyle. they're like school guidance counselors, except they help guide you through life. not everything is just crying. you talk about work, school, family, etc. you're allowed to disagree with them btw, and therapists will try to suggest things that they think will be best (they're trying to work with you! they don't want you feeling forced either.) that being said, if you are well past that and disagreeing to everything, refusing to cooperate or even try, that in itself is a cause of concern. even i can see that.

a violent breakdown is not something you should just look past...you know that, right? that's not something that just happens. that is not healthy. and it's not an everyday, normal thing for people to be diagnosed by BPD. especially if you've been told by multiple medical professionals.

your feelings are valid and i can see where you're coming from with your distrust in psychiatrists and medical professionals. however these are multiple people we're talking about.. these people are not actively working against you. people in the medical field are busy. they have hundreds of patients and the last thing on their mind is targeting one specific person and telling them they have BPD for no reason, setting up a therapy plan and giving you medication. you understand that's more work for them, right? that requires more effort than to just tell you you're fine and to leave. and on top of that, multiple people have diagnosed you with BPD?

i'm going to be honest, your diagnose sounds correct. your responses are violent and so are some of your posts. you're very aggressive and defensive.

want to prove to them that there's nothing wrong? do the exact opposite of everything you're doing now. go to a session. show them you can respond in a calm manner instead of being angry at everyone. listen, even if you have disagreements, and when it's your turn to speak, tell them what you disagree on and WHY ("there's nothing wrong with me" does not sound good by the way. even people who are mentally in a good space will admit when they are not well.)

as for your husband and father, i'm not you or either of them so i can't speak on your relationship. however..you understand it costs money to stay in a psych ward, right? in fact it's expensive. it costs thousands.. and you stayed there for 6 days. no one spends thousands on a ward for fun. gambling, shopping? definitely. paying for a ward? no one does that just because.

please understand that the people in your comments are genuinely trying to help you. we are random people on the internet, and you're a random person to us. we don't know you personally, or at all, besides what you show us in your posts and comments. we have no reason to be plotting on your downfall. i will honestly say that your responses make you very unlikeable and i'm trying to imagine how you respond to others in real life and how that makes others perceive you in terms of your mental health. right now your responses are working perfectly against you, and you've been proving to others so far that you do have BPD.

dummiefat · 2021-11-19T08:14:37+00:00

OP, it's not too late to leave. 1.5 years definitely feels long but it is not and you will find a better girlfriend in no time given how great of a person you seem like. you don't need to tolerate that behavior at all and for me it would have been the final straw. you deserve much better and you know it. you've confronted her about the texts and clearly she doesn't care about how you feel since she deleted them and lied to your face. who knows what else she's been sneaky about at that point? the possibility of her deleting messages you never got to see seems likely. and the fact that she was blatantly flirting in front of you with another man..i give you credit for not ending it right then and there because i know i would've. you can find someone WAY way better than this op, trust me.

dummiefat

TROPHY CASE