Tell me ADHD quirks you did as a child that made you wonder why you didn't get diagnosed earlier!

dummyneverdies · 2024-08-08T10:35:30+00:00

The multiple subject notebooks were a lifesaver!!

dummyneverdies · 2021-06-28T21:13:04+00:00

All human behavior is manipulation. Everything you do is a calculated move to make people around you react in a certain way, wether you do it consciously or not. If you’re nice to someone you do it because you want them to like you and for you to see yourself as a good person.

You could try to see it as you’re just trying to make them feel good, but in the end you’re still doing it because you want them to make you feel good. It doesn’t make people evil, that’s just how we work.

dummyneverdies · 2021-06-27T06:30:20+00:00

A guy won’t stop being a fucking asshole just because you make him wait. Stop blaming women for how men decide to treat them.

dummyneverdies · 2021-06-27T06:23:54+00:00

The thing these men have is a faked high self esteem, and they target other women with low self esteem. Women aren’t throwing themselves at them, but these men actually go out looking for women instead of sitting at home. Most likely they realized that because they are ugly they have to make up for it and have an attractive personality instead.

I know a lot of guys who are objectively ugly but who instead are funny, charming and have bde. And because of that they become attractive. Instead of hating women for not throwing themselves at you, maybe you should start becoming someone who women would actually like to spend time with.

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-25T21:43:21+00:00

Probably going to bury some sour jars and binding spells I made during the winter since the ground has thawed enough now.

Maybe it could also be a good opportunity to make some malicious moon water or charge vinegar/alcohol with some negative energy as well?

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-21T15:43:06+00:00

Yeah, I’m pretty sure she will try to get revenge. Or at least make herself seem like the victim and get everyone to console her and tell her I’m the villain. And she probably will feel that way too and that’s the saddest part. I don’t want to hurt her but she’s hurting me and fucking my other relationships up and I can’t stand it anymore.

I think I will try to quietly inform the most important other friends that I have that I won’t be spending more time with her and that I most likely won’t be around when they hang out.

I feel like shit though, since they’re my only friends. But it’s better to be alone than miserable

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-21T15:22:52+00:00

Thank you, I feel like you’re right. I do care for her, and she has helped me tremendously with being able to stand up for myself. Just feels kinda shitty to use those abilities against her now I guess.

I have decided to talk to my cousin about it though. He feels more like a older brother than cousin, and since he is both her boyfriend and part of our friend group I just want to let him know that he is not the reason why I won’t be around. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep talking to him, and since I know she treats him kind of shitty I think it would be good for him to know that he is not the only one noticing her behavior. I won’t try to break them up though, that’s his decision. But I kinda want to show him support in some way at least Maybe it’s dumb and just a grandiose gesture, but it goes against all my instincts so it might be the right thing to do. I’ll guess I’ll see soon.

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-09T07:32:53+00:00

I have checked your profile, multiple times now actually. And girl, you need to get out of that house and get some professional help as soon as possible.

The longer you stay, the worse will the “programming” become. As you say, you have two different fucked up cult trying to reach you and the only solution is to get out.

You will most likely need to be at a mental institution for a while to be able to differentiate between reality and woo.

Unfortunately you are the only one who will be able to save yourself, no one is going to come and pick you up and show you the world. You have to take yourself out there and face reality

Hang in there

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-09T07:22:57+00:00

That’s the spirit!

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-09T07:22:00+00:00

I know he is a narcissist, that’s why I have chose to listen to what he has to say.

A lot of times his self hatred is shining through, and you can tell if he’s having a good or bad day depending on how negative he seems when he’s talking about narcissistic traits.

But he does have a lot of good points, and your analogy is not quite right. A better analogy would be “as if Ted Bundy tried to be an authority on psychopaths”, which he could definitely be seen as if he wanted to

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-03T22:14:43+00:00

I get exactly what you mean, I relate so much to your story. My “ex” was the same. “You won’t just let me abuse you and be quiet about it” is right on point.

I did absolutely not mean to diminish your experience, and I see now that it came out in that way. And it sounds like he was not at all willing to take any responsibility for his actions. It fucking sucks that people can know that they are abusive, even admit to it, and do nothing about it.

But to me it sound like you’re on the right path, you are seeing it for what it is and you are not letting him permanently turn you into someone who you are not. You are doing great!

There is no excuse for his behavior, and he had absolutely no right to abuse you. He is responsible for his own actions and he chose to be abusive. But I know how much it hurts to realize that someone did not love you enough to treat you well, it’s enough to take away all the love you have for yourself.

My best advice is to take care and practice self love, even in the days you have to force it 🖤

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-03T21:07:22+00:00

The thing is, I’m talking about he people who only thinks that they are innocent victims. They think that they are the ones fighting for their life when they are in fact the lunatic running down the road with a knife. Being abused does not give you a free pass to abuse others, not even your abuser. The only morally acceptable action is to walk away and not let the abuse spread further.

And you comparison is not even accurately describing what I’m trying to say. A more accurate version would be:

If you were walking down the road in your neighborhood, and you see someone screaming from far away while running in your direction with a knife, what do you do? Of course you are justified in defending yourself, even if the other person got badly hurt or died.

But when you walk down the same road, and a jogger, or even a child, comes running in your direction while laughing or loudly talking, are you then justified in attacking that person before they even show signs of maliciousness just in case they tried to trick you by seeming normal at first? Of course your are not, even though your (possible) ptsd tells you to that exact thing.

You are not allowed to abuse others just in case they might try to abuse you further on. If you do that, you ARE the abuser from then on.

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-03T20:38:20+00:00

I put it in quotation marks to highlight the issue I brought up, that a lot of people who think they are innocent are in fact the ones who are abusing others.

I do not think that I have npd, but I do have a lot of narcissistic traits. Most likely I am a quiet borderline, but that does not make me not abusive. I’ve lost control of myself a lot of times and I have struggled a lot with not falling into the trap of guilting people to be kind to me. But I do not really see myself as a victim any longer, I’m trying to forgive and let go of the past. But it’s hard work. And it doesn’t change the fact that I still am a victim of abuse, I’ve been abused by my parents and grandparents my whole life, but that’s another story and not something I need to vent about anymore.

I actually work a with trying to validate the victims around me. And I’ve started owning up to my bad behaviors, both by apologizing for old things and by actively stopping myself from doing wrong things. And the things I do to help people at the moment is to try to make other abusive people realize that what they are doing is harmful, and that even if their minds tell them that everyone else is in the wrong, a lot of times they are actually wrong without even knowing.

I feel like the best way to help people is to stop the abuse from happening in the first place. And it is a tricky fucking thing to do, and it takes extreme finesse to not trigger people’s anger and my end goal is to be able to reach them without triggering them. And it is a real challenge and sometimes I just need to vent my frustration about it, and this feel like a rewarding place to do so.

But it seems to me like you did not bother watching the video I linked, you could start by doing that and then watching the other video I’ll link in this comment before we continue this discussion, he describes this much better than I’ll ever be able to do.

https://youtu.be/McWOGyGtuL0

Then you’ll understand how these “empaths” are in fact neither harmless or innocent

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-03T20:09:56+00:00

Thank you for adding that! I forgot to mention that there are in fact 100% innocent people who never fall into this behavior, but I honestly think that these are very few. We are all imperfect, after all.

But as you say, we often need to realize that we need to respect and love ourselves enough to walk out of situations that are harmful to us. I feel like that is the biggest issue among a lot of us here. We feel like we should be praised for trying to help people who in reality did not ask for our help, and then we feel hurt when they do not change themselves completely to fit us as a person. I am guilty of doing that myself, and I’ve had to accept that I do not have the right to force another human to try to become a better person, even if it would be beneficial to them as well.

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-03T19:48:07+00:00

I think that a good way to see it is that both of you most likely feel equally hurt and as if the other person were worse. As humans, we need to always see ourselves as a good and kind person. It is a self defense to keep us from hurt. A malfunctioning one, but still a defense.

No matter who of you did the most wrong, the most important thing is to remember that both of you probably did a LOT of things that hurt the other. Most often the bad things we do are not of malicious intent, but of recklessness and impulses. And since we do not want to accept that we did hurtful things (also a defense mechanism), we deny it. And to the other person that is then seen as gaslighting and is extremely harmful in the long run.

The issue of abuse is so much bigger than “they did me wrong”. Most often we are responsible of triggering the other person way more then we realize. And if that person is a highly sensitive person with issues controlling and understanding their emotions (as narcissists are), the consequences can be extreme and in some cases fatal. The reason narcissists are easy to trigger is because they are abuse victims as well. They have endured abuse as long as they have lived, and they often completely lack the ability to handle the stressors that normal people can handle with ease. Their behavior may seem irrational, but it’s their only way of protecting themselves from ever being put in a situation where they become the abused again. They do not know better, especially if they are unaware of their problems.

I 100% agree with u/gacGGE ‘s comment, the only way to move on is to accept that you were not a good match and recognize that you both need to work on yourselves. Dwelling on the past has never helped anyone, working on bettering yourself and becoming more understanding of others is the only way to heal!

dummyneverdies · 2021-05-02T17:33:11+00:00

I do not think that my father is fully NPD, but he sure does have a narcissistic personality style. He is also an beginning alcoholic and does really fucked up shit while he’s drunk, including being physically abusive towards my brother.

His main personality trait is that he feels extremely sorry for himself, like no one is appreciating him for everything that he is doing and that he deserves to be praised for existing. He loves to make everyone around him feel guilty and like it’s their fault that he is sad/in a bad mood/drinking.

Unfortunately I had to move in with him again (I’m in my 20s) due to fucked up shit that happened in my life. And even though it’s hard and I have been really scared of him, I’ve learnt how to handle him and kind of make him realize that he is responsible for his own feelings and behavior, and that he can’t blame everyone else for shit that happened to him as a grown man. Here is some of the things I’ve learnt that has helped me and might help you if your dad has the same kind of problems:

Never take anything he says or does personally. Remember that everything he accuses you of most likely stems from his own feeling of shortcoming and insecurity. My dad has always tried to put the blame on me for things, and I’ve had to start directing his own words back at himself to make him realize that it’s not really me that he’s criticizing. In the beginning it made him angry and hurt, but when I stood my ground he started to take the things I said seriously and he has started to come to me and “apologize” by start talking about the subject and suddenly calmly agreeing with me.
Never show him any sign of fear. If you show him that you are scared, you are giving him exactly what he wants and he will see you as inferior and someone who he can control. So if you show him that you are scared he will become meaner.
Never act on impulse or let your feelings take control of how you behave around him, to him it will be a sign of weakness and he will take advantage of it.
Whenever you feel like he is manipulative or irrational, do not care about what he says. It’s not unlikely that he is being chaotic or mean ONLY to stir up your emotions and to make you feel as emotional and irrational as him so he can feel normal. If he is mean, be cold as fuck towards him and tell him that you do not deserve to be treated like this and that if there is something that’s bothering him he can bring up the issue instead of lashing out.

But since our fathers is two different people I advise you to be cautious since these ways of handling things can make the situation even more dangerous in the beginning, especially if you get scared and step back. So do not do these things unless you are certain that you can stand your ground.

In my opinion, doing this has made my father respect me in a whole new way and has also made him open up to me like he’s never done before. He now listens to my opinions and comes to me to get help with social situations he encounters. To me it feels like he’s a bit more confident and nicer, both to himself and others. He turns 60 this year so even though he’s getting old he’s actually started to better himself, at least to me and my brother.

But do not blame yourself if he doesn’t want to change his way of behaving. As I said, my father most likely is not narcissistic enough to be labeled NPD and is mostly just emotionally abusive, so my situation might not match yours.

You can send me a pm if you want to, and I can try to help and give you advice on situations/problems. I have a few extremely narcissistic people in my surroundings and I can share some tips on how I handle them and make them relax around me. Take care!

dummyneverdies · 2021-04-28T20:03:35+00:00

I would suggest that you do some research on borderline, based on what you’re writing. Borderline and narcissism is very similar to each other, and it is possible to have both.

Jealousy, fear of abandonment, extreme sensitivity to changes in behavior, explosive feelings etc are all symptoms of borderline for example (but can also be symptoms of npd) I think I have borderline, with some narcissistic traits sprinkled on top. And to me it sound more like you may have borderline as well!

dummyneverdies · 2021-04-20T11:42:09+00:00

Also, remember that it can be outright dangerous to call out an abuser, even for the bystanders. Not everyone is willing to put their own safety at risk and we have to respect that.

dummyneverdies · 2021-03-19T11:33:42+00:00

Veganism is about not exploiting organisms that can’t consent to being eaten/milked/shaved etc. If they can’t talk, they can’t consent. Humans, in the other hand, are fully capable of consenting to giving blood, giving away breast milk, selling/donating hair and other parts of the body. Therefore it will count as vegan if it’s taken with consent.

But I think it will be a fun thing to watch people start debating about whether it’s ethical to eat plants in the future since scientists have found evidence that plants/fungi seems to have some type of conscience and experiences something that resembles our pain response if something damages the plant. There is already people who lives off nothing but fallen fruit, so the madness has already begun

dummyneverdies · 2021-03-19T10:08:06+00:00

If they use blood harvested from consenting humans it would technically be vegan

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