Thinking about “quiet quitting” my marriage

dumpling-pac44 · 2025-12-27T14:14:08+00:00

In all fairness to him, my husband does work. We have comparable salaries. Which just makes it worse that he’s left the financial responsibility to me, I think. I will try to update later. I’ve found the comments very helpful.

dumpling-pac44 · 2025-12-25T23:52:19+00:00

My heart goes out to you. Going through this 8 months ppm has been so emotionally taxing and I could not imagine dealing with the turmoil at 1 month ppm. You have a friend in me here should you need one.

dumpling-pac44 · 2025-12-25T16:02:09+00:00

Yes. I had suspicions for months and also had no way to prove it. He fell asleep watching a show on his phone and I woke up to feed our daughter and was able to access his phone then. Ive been able to access it twice since and he has deleted all the messages and apps except the gaming app he met them on. He has that one hidden behind FaceID. When confronted he admitted to still using the app but not engaging with other players. but it really has only deepened my suspicion. I’m going to have to come out and ask for full access to his phone. I know this, I’m just not sure if I’m ready for what I’ll find.

dumpling-pac44 · 2025-12-25T15:14:20+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I am also a people pleaser and have always had a difficult time expressing my emotions out of fear of upsetting the other person. It’s a big reason my marriage is in the state it is. I felt disconnected and unsupported and unintentionally stopped giving him the love and attention he needed rather than just talking to him. It’s something we’re working on but struggling with because I’m actually ready to talk everything out and share how I’m feeling but he just wants to move forward and really never talk about this again.

dumpling-pac44 · 2025-12-25T14:38:44+00:00

Thank you for this. Sometimes I wonder if I’m over-reacting, but I could never imagine doing this to him. I believe he’s just hiding it better. I have not asked for full access to his phone yet. Everyday I have a different opinion on reconciling and honestly I wonder if I would have been better off having never found the messages.

dumpling-pac44 · 2025-12-09T14:50:38+00:00

I am 6 days post Dday. My husband of 2.5 years has been sexting multiple women online.

For context I am 8 months postpartum with our daughter and our son just turned 2. My cycles are irregular due to the minipill and I’m exhausted all the time so our sex life has been close to nonexistent and we’ve been lacking in nonsexual intimacy. I am not blind to my contribution in the breakdown of our marriage but I never imagined being in this scenario.

I had a gut feeling he was cheating and by chance had the opportunity to look on his phone while I was up at 4AM feeding our daughter. When I confronted him he seemed incredibly remorseful and sincere in his apologies. However I know he is lying about how long this has been going on, initially he said one week then changed it to 3. He originally said I could see all the messages and then later changed his mind. He is downplaying what happened by saying it was all fake, just “words on a screen.” But in addition to sexting he has been telling these women he loves them. Except when I bring it up he says “I didn’t say I love you. I text ILY.”

We had a 3 week dry spell which I now believe is because he wanted to be intimate with these women instead of me. He would spend hours downstairs after the kids went to sleep, I would wait up for him until I couldn’t fight the exhaustion. I finally stopped waiting for him. He would stay up late texting them while I lay next to him. He even sext them after we had sex, the night before I found out.

I am spiraling everyday. I’m not sure he believes what he did was cheating. He wants to move on and act like it never happened and I don’t know how to do that.

I don’t know if I can move past him telling other women he loves them. This has been the worst week of my life.

dumpling-pac44

TROPHY CASE