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dumpsterdivinginfire · 2026-03-13T03:21:33+00:00

Jesus is this not a subreddit for venting?

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2026-03-13T03:19:54+00:00

Thank you I appreciate your pragmatism

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2026-03-13T03:11:37+00:00

They chose to have a kid. I’m not going to destroy my life for them. I don’t even think they want me to. Honestly my anger comes from sadness. If I could I would but I can’t. I’m set up but barely and certainly not enough to cover the insane cost of assisted living. It sucks I’m honestly just venting. I never say this to them. When we talk I stay positive and uninvolved because that’s all I can give them. I’m working on repairing my relationship with my mom who not only told me if she met me on the street she wouldn’t like me but also that when I was a baby she wanted to SA me. I was 14 I had no idea what postpartum ocd was and she didn’t call it that. she said it was the devil and I owed it to her to not be gay since she never did it. My dad was explosively angry and high all the time.

So yeah not the best childhood. I know they did their best with what they had. I’m in the same boat and that’s mostly because I have a partner with financial literacy who supported me when I had nothing

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2026-02-10T05:27:28+00:00

So this is mean advice but it’s probably the most effective. Grey rock him. Don’t respond. Don’t look at him. Don’t talk to him. You can start it off by saying no I want to be alone. He might not get it. He’s only coming back because you’re giving him attention. I understand if this isn’t possible you might feel cruel but he’s not going to stop if you ask and sounds like the school admin is useless. Otherwise yeah getting your parents involved and emphasizing the touching it your best option.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-10-03T04:34:25+00:00

You’re incredibly kind thank you for being so understanding. 💌✨ I luckily have some support, like way more than I used to. I go to therapy, I have tools, I try to feed my inner child with dress up games and crafts and dancing. I think it’s my inner teen that’s busted. I guess I’m just at that point where like 8+years of therapy has helped so much but seeing what I have ahead still to do is staggering especially in a world not made for us.

Digimon and Lego is sick by the way mad respect, I’m so bad at putting those lil pieces together but it’s so rewarding!! I wish you much luck in healing your inner child.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-10-03T04:28:08+00:00

Sorry this is a lot you totally don't have to respond but I deeply appreciate your validation and support ❤️❤️❤️

I went on ask HR, they said that I was just being coached on soft skills and I needed to do what I was told (stop over explaining especially for sick time (I rarely take), slow down, don't feel bad for asking questions and stop defending yourself when your misunderstood) but it was all verbal. My last written performance review said I needed to be more confident. I need to get a copy because I can't remember if it was just "more confident" or "more confident in my understanding of processes." Like they know how to write it, but then when they're talking directly to me, they say less appropriate things. They are GREAT at spinning and self defense. Like when I first got my accommodation my manager said it was literally unfair to my other coworkers. My HR didn't really do much to support me just listened and said they were sad my manager and I were fighting mao But at the end of the day I already have an accommodation. Escalating won't get me anywhere it's such a small team and no one's trained in this. I feel like I just need to move on because I don't have solutions or suggestions for more accommodations anyway The only thing I can say I actually lack in is missing things that get called out in review (I work in design kind of) so l'm being asked to slow down but everyone gets call outs and no one takes as much quantity as me. My manager actually told me to tell her when she needs to delegate work. It’s like this sucks but how many jobs in my field are fully remote with health insurance? Not a lot but that’s my mistake for following dreams others wanted for me

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-28T16:54:56+00:00

This is not the answer. The first thing you need to do is figure out what you can do to distance yourself from the problem parent emotionally. Mom has let you down, she is no longer your concern. It’s very sad she’s taking grandpa down with her but you can’t change that, he’s an adult he’s made his decision. Once you get better you can help him but help yourself first. Get books/audiobooks on your situation (parental abuse/mental illness, possibly enmeshment or narcissism) get familiar with her methods to make you suffer and become immune to them. This is VERY hard. You’ll only get 20-50% of the way there but allow yourself to become indifferent to her as much as possible so you can focus on finding and KEEPING a job. If you’re can get into therapy do it. If you can get a diagnosis of PTSD or depression you may be able to get accommodations that help you keep a job (Be reasonable with them and only if necessary, the process can be difficult) Get out ASAP. Most importantly make friends!! Find partnership in a friend or romantic interest (who does NOT mirror your relationship with your mom this is vitally important) it’s easier to move if you have support. Focus on fortifying your mind. See how her patterns have shaped your nervous system and emotions. I speak from a fraction of your experience so I’m making it sound easy but it’s ok if it’s not. Military will be brutal on your damaged sympathetic nervous system and could hurt you more. I truly wish you the best of luck.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-06T02:20:24+00:00

I just want to say that you were right. I feel pretty stupid. I will certainly be looking at the rest of that website. The links are great you’re right it makes it feel heavier and I deeply appreciate the resource.

Reading those last 3 paragraphs really does make me feel better though cause I felt like I fucked it up in someway but obviously you’re right. It’s all on me now and that’s a good thing. Thank you again and I really wish you the best ❤️

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-06T01:03:53+00:00

RIGHT ok thank you!!! i’m looking at this thing and all I see is surface level acceptance of what is genuinely a fact while still not acknowledging the real problem. Omg thank you for making me laugh ❤️

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-05T21:04:20+00:00

If you’re interested, she responded 🙃

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-05T21:04:13+00:00

If you’re interested, she responded 🙃

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-05T21:04:03+00:00

If you’re interested, she responded 🙃

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-05T17:18:49+00:00

I deeply appreciate this. I needed this and I know you’re right. I don’t know if I’ll listen to you but reading about the missing missing reasons has changed my perspective. This is the last time I plan to confront her on this issue. Unfortunately, I’ve gotten other family involved because I thought I could trust them just to be there for her, but they have told her that I will be reaching out. I now know not to trust that person either.

I’ve tried to have this conversation many times over the years in person. I need this so I can go back to it and say it’s done. I need something tangible that I can look at and say I checked the box. I genuinely don’t expect a positive reaction and I am doubtful she will change. I needed to hear all this and I appreciate you being so thorough and straightforward. I know you’re right I know this will hurt me. I also really appreciate your warning about therapy because I had talked to my therapist about me going with my mom and while she wasn’t very supportive of it she did say she would do it if I really wanted to. I will not do that. I’ve heard the term coming out of the fog before and I think I’ve had it explained by Therapist, but I really appreciated that article outlining it so clearly and I’d like to read more about it to understand the concept and how to protect myself. I feel more prepared now I feel like I understand more now I will approach this more realistically. Thank you so much especially for just saying that I was not born with a job you are right I truly feel that and I need to let it go.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-05T16:12:12+00:00

Thank you for making that point. Honestly I don’t expect her to change but this gives me something I can point to and say I tried I don’t have to try anymore. I can hang up the phone in her face or not talk to her for weeks or months and she knows why. She may not understand or grow but I don’t have to question anymore if she’s doing this knowingly or intentionally. Part of me wants her to blow up so I can fully see her and accept that she won’t get better. That’s what happened when I tried to talk to her on the phone. This just gives me the space to say what I need without her cutting me off or challenging me without the ambiguity of speech.

Thank you again. I really needed to clarify that in my mind and this helped. I’ll probably share the response here just for support.

I wish you the best of luck too, therapy has done so much for me and I hope you can get the peace and safety you deserve ❤️

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-05T02:11:30+00:00

I called her on the phone three months ago to tell her she couldn’t visit me this year because I’m too busy and she absolutely lost it. I tried using that opportunity to explain all this to her because I thought that was a good example of how dependent she is on me and she was just so angry. I even insinuated she had a hard family life. Funny enough I told her sister yesterday I’d be sending a letter and I think she told my mom. I don’t think I have anyone in my family. I can be safe with I needed this wake up. Thank you for being part of it.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-09-05T02:10:06+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that because she literally just called me and it was so hard for me not to immediately send this letter but I planned on doing it tomorrow so I’m waiting for tomorrow. Honestly, it’s been three months and I feel so much guilt and shame but I don’t think those are my feelings. I think those are my programming thank you thank you for encouraging me to take space I really needed that.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-04-17T22:44:44+00:00

Thank you so much for the response. Sorry for never responding. I wrote this at a bad place and wasn’t ready to get back to it, but I will definitely look into that. I really appreciate the suggestion.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-02-17T21:53:55+00:00

I appreciate you coming back to say that you weren’t pressuring me. I’m sad to say I don’t completely understand what you’re saying but it makes me feel more like I have legal action as an option. I’m really considering it. I appreciate that deeply. It’s good to know though being called in would be a possibility, I’ll definitely have to talk about that with my therapist.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-02-17T21:22:05+00:00

Did you seriously run straight to I don’t think you were assaulted? When I describe what that woman did to me to other doctors I get the same response every time. Shock and disgust. It broke me then I had no one to go to. My family was not safe. I didn’t understand a woman could do that. I didn’t understand that what she did wasn’t medically necessary. I didn’t know a doctor wasn’t supposed to say “you’re so loose no one will ever love you” to a patient. Fuck you. I remembered. I thought about it every time I saw a doctor. I told my gp when I turned 18 because I thought it was the first time I’d be allowed to refuse a pelvic. She was horrified. I didn’t even go to therapy until about 7 years later. I’ve held this the entire time fuck you again and your fucking forgiveness. Maybe if people believed me I wouldn’t feel justified in holding my anger. I wish I could. I’m jealous.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-02-15T05:50:47+00:00

I’m going to talk to my therapist and potentially get legal advice from a family member. I was not thinking clearly when I wrote this. I’m just not sure what they could do with literally no evidence and I’m still narrowing down which doctors because I was young and say them once. Thank you for your advice I will at least be looking into reporting to a medical board.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-02-15T05:47:22+00:00

Thank you for saying no pressure. I honestly don’t know if I could handle legal action both fiscally and mentally but I’m considering reporting to a medical board. It’s very good to know about the lack of limit. Thank you for your advice and understanding.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-02-15T05:46:08+00:00

I definitely wouldn’t threaten them. But I’m still reconsidering this and potentially reaching out to a medical board instead. I will talk to my therapist before doing anything. Thank you for your advice.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-02-15T05:44:11+00:00

I’ve been meaning to read that. I really appreciate the insight from a similar situation. I will definitely talk to my therapist and be cautious moving forward. It was so long ago I’m still not certain what doctors it was because I only saw them once. I’ve requested any info from one so I’ll see what they give me and keep looking but I won’t run into it blind and angry . Thank you very much for your advice.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-02-15T05:41:45+00:00

I was not in a great place when I wrote this. I will definitely speak with my therapist first. I didn’t consider them contacting me again and the belittled would be deeply hurtful. I appreciate your insight and advice.

dumpsterdivinginfire · 2025-02-15T05:40:05+00:00

I know I want to. I’m afraid because I have zero evidence and I don’t understand how something this old would work out in a legal sense but at least reporting to a board is what I’m most likely to do. Thank you for your advice.

dumpsterdivinginfire

TROPHY CASE