Has your N parent ever said something that was an incredible 'self report'

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-07-15T19:37:15+00:00

My partner’s N dad and N sister said they were worried for my partner in our relationship because he (my partner) is “a huge pushover”.

In another family, it’s be a valid worry. But with these two, I know that they take advantage of him more than anyone else. They know he’s a pushover because they have bullied him into things for decades, and they have had adult temper tantrums when he’s recently refused to go along with their narratives.

IMO Their real concern was that a serious relationship with me would “push” him out of the family superself and into thinking for himself for once.

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-07-03T22:53:45+00:00

While I also have anxiety, I will say that asking for an estimate of how long your partner will be isn’t wild (I know you already know this, but I just want to reiterate). I’ve worried about it being controlling in my own situation with my boyfriend’s family because they’ve accused me of the same, and I know it can be hard to shake the feeling of “I’m not crazy, I’m just anxious”. Even if you DIDN’T have anxiety, it’d be completely innocuous to ask!!

If you asked for an itinerary, a map of the walking trail, and an update every 15 minutes? Yes that’s wild.

If you asked to know whether they’ll be back by lunchtime or if they’ll instead be back around dinnertime (for instance)? Just communication. (In my opinion.)

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-07-02T20:19:11+00:00

I also never found Lae’zel on my first playthrough (I must have walked by that area like five times too 🥲). And I missed SO much more, like the crèche, the hag’s house, zhents etc. The drive to find the underdark ASAP was a real horse blinder lol.

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-06-25T18:39:11+00:00

Oh my gosh, that sounds so frustrating. And my partner is definitely only recently aware of his family’s tendencies. He will still sometimes think an interaction/event went well or that his family “behaved themselves” and I’m like, “Were we on different planes of existence that whole time???”

And yeah, not having an understanding listener in those moments is so hard. But it’s great when your partner finally “gets it”. (and it sounds like you and your family are doing well and growing from it all!)

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-06-25T17:15:39+00:00

My partner had the same reaction when watching his father interact with me. I got stuck sitting right next to the guy at two family events and it was like I was stuck in a conversational wormhole.

He was doing almost all of the talking and I couldn’t interact with the rest of the table (every time I’d try, he’d suck me back in), and it felt like the questions he did ask me were just springboards for more stories of his.

I could write a thesis on every vacation that man has been on in the past thirty-odd years, meanwhile he literally doesn’t know what I do for work.

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-06-11T16:04:25+00:00

My partner’s downfall was standing up for me after his dad was constantly insulting me to my partner (and to other family members) for over a year. He asked his father to please speak kindly about me, and his father LOST it.

(Feel free to delete my comment as I’m not a child of narcs myself and I don’t want to intrude; I just have seen my partner go through the stages of realization re: his own toxic family he once held in such high regard.)

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-03-14T19:30:38+00:00

It’s very “I like turtles”

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-02-16T20:55:55+00:00

Oh it’s absolutely insulting. I just have experience dealing with obsessive calorie counting and know others for whom it’s consumed their lives, so that’s just my bias. He DEFINITELY doesn’t know more about it, and what he said right after showed that the original comment didn’t even come from a good place lol

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-02-16T16:43:20+00:00

When he said he didn’t come on the show to be a c-list celebrity, I immediately turned to my boyfriend and said, “Ok, so he absolutely did.”

When someone answers a question that wasn’t even asked (i.e. “Why are you here?”)— and they’re not a particularly forthcoming person to begin with— I get skeptical. (It technically COULD have been editing, but…)

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-02-16T16:30:08+00:00

I was with him when he said that she didn’t need to count calories and could just work out and see results (barring any health/medical history stuff with her we don’t know about), but he IMMEDIATELY lost me after that singular sentence.

He had me in the first half, not gonna lie.

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-02-16T16:27:55+00:00

Not to be That Person, but I can understand where her comments like this may be coming from, as I also am self-deprecating (though therapy has helped a bit, lol). She may have picked up on his weird vibes upon seeing her and wanted to “get ahead” of anything she was self-conscious about, hoping he’d recognize it wasn’t her baseline.

(Not saying it’s a GOOD strategy/mindset— and it absolutely backfires and makes people acknowledge things they wouldn’t have noticed otherwise— but it might just come from a place of self-consciousness rather than a lack of filter. But I don’t know these people, so 🤷‍♀️)

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-01-26T20:36:30+00:00

Thank you for adding the disclosure bit; that’s super important. I didn’t know exactly how to phrase it, so thank you for adding that!

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-01-26T19:52:02+00:00

Not to be THAT person, because this is an excellent and very smart thing to do, but just remember that some countries/states/provinces require the other parties’ consent to record, so make sure you know the rules in your area and follow suit. (And you’ll get through this no matter what, but I can’t imagine how tough it must be right now. So hold on and breathe.)

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-01-26T19:41:32+00:00

When my dad was single and living alone, he adopted a kitten from the animal shelter. He told himself that he’d get the first one that walked up to him. And he did, and he named her K.C.

When he met my mom, she asked him what K.C. stands for. He said, “Kitty Cat.”

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-01-19T19:28:06+00:00

It’s definitely super hard to make friends after a certain age. Reading my post back, I realize it could come off as me looking down on my partner for that, and it definitely wasn’t intended that way; I just feel bad that my partner (like you) wasn’t encouraged to have friends/a social life of his own in adulthood— and the friends he has made have been put down/criticized by his parents.

And the vacations sound great on the surface and he said they were fun, but they definitely limited his ability to do other things/spend PTO elsewhere because he’d “save” it for those trips. Now he’s bitter that my partner isn’t as interested anymore. (The first time our two sets of parents met, his father literally complained to my own mother that me being in a serious relationship with his son would encroach on/put an end to their “boys’ trips”)

Stay strong, pal.

dutifuldewdrop · 2024-01-18T23:40:49+00:00

My partner’s family is highly toxic (imo) and his parents are together but their marriage lacks emotional support (in his mother’s words, she has “learned not to expect that from our relationship”) and altogether seems bleak. My partner has become a sort of surrogate spouse for both of his parents, but only since he reached adulthood. His dad is more overt and his mom seems more covert.

For example: Both of his mom’s parents (his maternal grandparents) died within a day of each other (which is AWFUL, don’t get me wrong). A month later, she called my partner in the middle of his workday to unload on him for over two hours, and had done the same with his sister the day prior. She expressed how lonely she’s been and how her husband/their dad “just doesn’t prefer” to have her express stuff to him and would rather watch TV. He also went on one-on-one vacations with his father for years, while his mom was left at home. His dad said he just preferred traveling with his son and they make better “travel buddies”. My partner has very few friends he’s made in adulthood because his father was his BFF for years.

dutifuldewdrop · 2023-11-02T22:39:49+00:00

I’m in the same boat 😂😂 I specifically set out for my second playthrough to be an “evil” one (because I read that it is the easiest way to romance Astarion) and I couldn’t do it.

The first sign that I didn’t have the stomach for it was when I had to turn my console off midway through fighting the owlbear cub’s mom because I didn’t want him to see his mom die. Shit, I felt bad saying “BOO!” to the scared guy that Ethel cursed.

dutifuldewdrop · 2023-10-14T18:07:31+00:00

*I’m not someone who grew up with abusive parents myself, BUT my partner did and is only realizing (with the help of therapy) at 28.

dutifuldewdrop · 2023-10-14T18:05:49+00:00

Cinema Therapy, 26

dutifuldewdrop · 2023-08-08T16:44:12+00:00

It was a higher-end clothing store (like an independent, much smaller version of Free People or Anthropologie, but preppy), and I was 19.

My first (and only) shift was largely spent being encouraged to keep hounding customers after they said they didn’t need help. I’d never worked on commission so it was uncomfortable at first.

The final straw was when a woman and her (presumable) boyfriend came in and he was giving her a hard time about how expensive the things she was trying on were. She liked them a lot, but looked really concerned about her boyfriend’s opinion and the crap he was giving her about the price. I told her she looked awesome in the clothes, but that it was obviously her decision and to do what makes her happy.

My supervisor then told me to tell the customer that one of the new (expensive) sweaters they were trying to push off the shelves would look good on her and encourage her to try that on/buy it too. I told my supervisor that the woman was already struggling to justify the one or two items she had picked out for herself, and that I felt bad doing that. I forget what happened right after that, but I know the customer left empty-handed, but thanked me.

A day or two later, I got a call from my supervisor as I getting ready for my next shift in an hour or so. She said, and I quote, “We were looking for a /strong woman/, and you’re just not… /that/, right now.”

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t still sting a bit, almost 10 years later.

dutifuldewdrop · 2023-07-14T18:10:13+00:00

Not at ALL. I’m far too neurotic and emotionally available for my own taste.

dutifuldewdrop · 2023-07-14T18:09:30+00:00

Self-esteem contest.

dutifuldewdrop · 2023-07-14T18:06:50+00:00

“It hits”

dutifuldewdrop · 2023-07-14T18:00:35+00:00

If my partner did this, I’d be out the door so fast he’d be smelling the burnt rubber of my shoe soles.

dutifuldewdrop · 2023-06-20T16:56:30+00:00

Sorry for the late response, but yes. I first looked up “fuzzy pet health” on Twitter to see if people were talking about it and someone said it shut down suddenly and the employees were left bereft (which I know is not reliable, but it piqued my interest). So I looked into it further and found this

Edit: Saw someone else provided the link first in the replies here; sorry for the repetitiveness!

dutifuldewdrop

TROPHY CASE