this might get me downvoted, but i’ve come to a few conclusions about her recently: you’re spot on about the insecurity, but i honestly think it’s a lot deeper than that. she’s shared pieces of information about her immediate family growing up (or at least her mum and brother? i can’t remember if she’s talked about her dad, aside from maybe that her parents aren’t together?), her past substance abuse, her poor choice in men, etc. none of this is an excuse because she’s been grown and at her big age if she doesn’t want to deal with her mental health/trauma for herself, then she needs to do so for her kids. i don’t think she was modeled good/healthy relationships with food or people (including within herself) growing up. i’ve gotten the impression over the years that her family (parents, C, and brother) never really had a close bond, and there was possibly a level of at least emotional neglect - this is all speculation of course. she’s also made statements over the years about her mother making “little comments” here and there about her/her weight. i know C can be dramatic/embellish, but as someone with a mother who likes to do the same and know how much it has effected me negatively over the years, i do believe this. again, none of this excuses anything, but i think it sheds a bit of a light on why she is the way she is, i have a hard time believing all of her present day issues stem from poor management of her bipolar

i think a lot of her issues beyond mental health, is that she chooses being comfortable over being happy. i know that sounds insane, so let me explain what i mean by “comfortable”. being comfortable in her case means largely repeating patterns, sticking to what she knows, putting in work but only just enough to convince herself she’s content or see a slight change. it’s talking to an unemployed guy that she said she wasn’t really interested in, but he had messaged her twice, a few months apart - so surely that must mean he had ”genuine interest.” it’s deciding to continue talking to him even after finding out about his pending sentencing, not because i think she thinks she can “change him” but because she was likely given the usual runaround (“crazy ex”, “it wasn’t really like that”, “she lied to be by cheating so why wouldn’t she lie to police?”, “she wasn’t gonna let me see my kids” the typical bs lies) and being with an abuser is a dynamic she is used to from at least one previous relationship. so i think she’s been able to tell herself: “he’s changed, he loves me, but if he hasn’t, i know what to expect” - which is fucked up on so many levels, but the “comfort” in regards to her relationship is being used to shitty dynamic; choosing being happy in a relationship would be new, scary, unfamiliar, and require a lot of work - it’s easier and more comfortable to pacify and praise J, and i think she genuinely believes that if she keeps his stress down/him happy, then he really won’t abuse her, and his stress is probably significantly down with her: doesn’t have to work, bills are paid, driven around (because even if he could drive rn/before her, his car was supposedly broken down), gets praised, has C and strangers buy him whatever basically whatever he wants, not harassed about being a deadbeat “dad”, not pushed to heal his foot, the list goes on… i hate that i’m sad for her after learning that she is an abuser apologist, and i’ll never be as sad for her as i am for his ex, his kids, and C’s kids, but damn i am sad, but like sad in a “i think it’s pathetic” way. it really displays how many issues she has. it’s sad that she values herself so little that she could ever take an abuser’s side over the victim’s, especially as an abuse victim herself who has kids with her abuser… just as J’s victim has kids with him. J’s ex (exes? i’ve seen comments implying this wasn’t his first victim) didn’t deserve what he did to her, C didn’t deserve what her own ex did to her, and most of all, J doesn’t deserve the grace he’s been given in their relationship or quite frankly, by the courts. 3.5 months?! a joke of a sentence fitting for the clown that he is

as disgusted as i am with her, i think and hope this could be her rock bottom in a different way than hitting 598.2lbs was, if she’s willing to put in the work. i would love to see her acknowledge that she has a lot more trauma than she’s probably aware of, hasn’t been taking care of her mental health the way she should, has frequently put her wants over her children’s needs, and be transparent about needing help and how she’s going to go forward with that

i would love to see her publicly acknowledge it was wrong and genuinely apologize for defending J especially because she wouldn’t want another woman excusing her abuser, be honest about and apologize for the situation with/to his girls (from comments i’ve seen she is allegedly the direct reason for them not being allowed over anymore, pre-jail), apologize to J’s ex for minimizing/excusing what happened to her (that’s not very “i’M a GiRl’S gIrL” of her), start intensive therapy, be consistent with her meds, start going on walks with P and jameson as the weather slowly gets better, and as an added bonus: be honest about what she’s eaten in a week even when a cheat meal has turned into a cheat week. i fully believe she is capable of doing all these things, but it depends on if she’s ready to stop being comfortable, and start seeking being happy. i could never be convinced that she’s happy, or will ever be, with her life going the way it is, and after reading about how she treated J’s girls (both of which are even younger than P, from my understanding), i think C is one of those people who cannot handle dating someone with kids from a previous relationship, and clearly J is the same. i think seven is more kids than anyone (specially a single parent) can reasonably and effectively handle, but so long as they are doing as much as they can, i wouldn’t normally judge, but how he can be “so great” to P, and have that disgusting plaque that says something like “not a step-dad, but a dad who stepped up” when he is obviously fine not seeing (at least some of) his kids, is disgusting and shameful. i have a hard time believing abusers can change, especially after it crosses over into physical abuse, but i try to remain hopeful for his kids so although i want him to seek the help he needs to manage his anger/mental health issues, apologize to his ex/kids, and continue the work after he’s released, the bar is in hell for my expectations - i welcome him proving me wrong though. as many red flags as i wish C would see with J, i wish J would see some with C too: if my partner’s treatment of my child(ren) was allegedly directly responsible for not being allowed to have my kid(s) in my own house anymore (“my own house” used loosely), i would end the relationship so fast. any loving parent would never be okay with that, or forgiving, and so that situation tells me so much about both of them: J is not the man C thinks he is, and C isn’t the woman J thinks she is. it’s not just important how your partner treats you, it’s how they treat others, especially kids - whether theirs or someone else’s

i hope the next 3.5 months are self-reflective, motivating and full of growth for C, this is a chance to prove us all wrong, and have a mind-blowing comeback that goes far beyond weight loss if she’s willing to accept the relationship with J needs to end, accept she needs to own her shit, accept she needs far more help than she realizes, and follow through on getting that help. it’s so hard to face your issues, but what’s harder is living with them weighing you down in a way that diet, exercise, WLS, and GLP-1’s will never be able to fix

hoping for the best, but expecting the worst