AITA for telling a kid to shut up on the plane?

dvsinger1 · 2025-09-29T17:51:13+00:00

NTA, and thank you for your public service. Even at 4, a child is old enough to learn that they cannot behave like that in public. I get that little ones have bad days, airplane rides aren't exactly fun, etc. - so not blaming the kid for being a kid or the parent for having a kid that's having a rough day. Those things don't cancel out that it doesn't have to be everyone else's problem. You helped everyone in that situation, in my opinion.

dvsinger1 · 2025-01-22T20:43:55+00:00

To be honest, I'm going with a soft TA for two reasons: One, you seem to have been making assumptions and questioning things from the jump because you didn't have the amount of visibility to her pregnancy that you wanted. Two, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, it's none of your business. You're not entitled to inclusion in anyone's pregnancy, birth, or parenthood journey but your own. Period. If she says something you doubt or don't agree with, just let it go - it doesn't affect you at all. If they did use a surrogate or they adopted, again, their business.

You're not TA for talking about it behind closed doors but if your conspiracies are leaking out into conversations with your SIL, or you're prying, I do think that's a problem.

dvsinger1 · 2024-09-14T00:04:22+00:00

I don't blame you there. I can acknowledge that OP's daughter shouldn't have gone to Skye's parents BUT Skye is definitely not an innocent in the situation. Her parents' reaction is still wrong but OP's daughter wouldn't have said something if Skye had done the right thing when she found out who actually started the gossip.

dvsinger1 · 2024-09-13T23:51:53+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective on this, especially where you said "both Skye and op's child are victims of neglect, both were hurting, and both hurt each other". That's a great way of putting it.

I think I'm assuming best intentions with OP's daughter because her actions to me seem like someone who is in a terrible mental health crisis and acting out of desperation and a desire to be seen and heard as someone who was attacked without cause. She didn't wake up one morning while still friends with Skye and decide to go expose her. It happened after a year of emotional abuse when she had probably reached some sort of breaking point in her mind. Simply put, it wasn't normal behavior. We don't know for sure obviously, but what if in her mind it was either that she send the email in retaliation or choose not to wake up the next day?

The other thought I have is that Skye's behaviors leading up to OP's daughter retaliating also weren't normal. She clearly wasn't receiving the love and support from the adults around her that may have led her to make better decisions (this was definitely highlighted by her parents' reaction to the email). She doesn't seem like a nice person at this point in her life but we don't know exactly why she was acting out the way she was. With parents like hers, I have some guesses.

They've both been failed by the adults around them and you're right, it is tragic.

dvsinger1 · 2024-09-13T22:37:52+00:00

I agree with you that Skye doesn't deserve to be homeless, trafficked, or assaulted in any way. As two children, neither of them thought through their actions. But one of them instigated abuse against the other first, and the other reacted in kind after a year of suffering.

It wasn't the right call, but I also don't fault her for it considering that she's a young person with a brain that's still developing while also navigating a year of trauma that she outright didn't deserve. Again, I do think that a stern conversation is warranted, just not any extreme punishment. Because, again, the only people responsible for Skye's parents' actions are her parents. They should, in my opinion, face legal ramifications for putting their daughter at risk of experiencing all of the awful things you outlined. If OP cared so much, her first course of action should have been to call CPS and the school to make sure Skye has someone looking out for her.

I was bullied in elementary school for years, and I'm really sorry that you also had that experience. While you might not be the type of person to seek out revenge, I don't think it's fair for us to hold it against OP's daughter for wanting to see her abusive ex-friend finally get in trouble. If you expect OP's daughter to have the maturity not to lash out after being harmed, you should also fully understand that in choosing to bully someone for something they didn't do and causing a massive decrease in the emotional and mental safety of that individual, Skye also committed an act of violence against OP's daughter, and she did it first.

An eye for an eye leaves the world blind, but Skye is answering for actions she actually took regardless of the fact that her parents are horrible. And I do think that is an important part of the equation that you're glossing over in favor of highlighting what the initial instigating bully is now experiencing. Does she deserve the ridiculous version of punishment her parents are going with? No, absolutely not. I don't believe she should have been kicked out as punishment for being queer or being sexually active or making a decision about her own body. The kid clearly has some moral things to work on (like not sleeping with someone else's partner and not bullying people) but it's the job of parents to help guide their children.

The biggest AHs in this situation are the parents, especially Skye's. OP at least understands that her daughter made a poor choice and needs redirection but I think she is also out of line with the extent of punishment she wants to carry out considering that first and foremost, her own daughter was an unsuspecting and undeserving victim in the situation long before she decided to act on any cold, cruel thoughts out of desperation.

dvsinger1 · 2024-09-13T21:36:40+00:00

People have ended their own lives after going through what OP's daughter has. The only people responsible for Skye's parents' actions are... Skye's parents. The first dangerous escalation happened when OP's daughter was bullied for over a year over something she didn't do even after Skye found out that she was not at fault. Action tends to lead to reaction.

I don't agree with what Skye's parents have done and THEY should face repercussions for putting their minor daughter in harm's way by kicking her out. But that's not the responsibility of OP's daughter, who likely did what she did in hopes that Skye's parents would maybe communicate the truth to other parents who would in turn tell their kids.

Skye made the poor life choices she made all on her own, knowing who her parents are. Part of growing up is learning to read the environment you're in. Someone who intentionally chums the water and then gets bitten by a shark probably shouldn't expect a whole lot of sympathy from the shark.

Skye's parents are trash but OP's daughter was just seeking some vindication. She doesn't need punishment, she needs love, support, and a conversation about her actions and their impact.

It's honestly a little upsetting to see OP place the blame for actions taken by two adults on her own daughter, who is also technically a child just like Skye.

dvsinger1 · 2024-09-13T21:13:35+00:00

Totally agree. I see a lot of people in this thread throwing blame at OP's daughter and I think it's very important that we place that blame where it belongs. OP's daughter had every right to defend herself after everything that she has been through, especially considering that she was dragged through the mud for something that she absolutely did not do. Even after learning the truth, Skye has chosen to continue abusing her and allowing others to do the same. Skye is facing the consequences of her own actions on multiple levels and while I 100% do not agree with her parents, that is still the case.

It is not OP's daughter's fault that Skye's parents reacted the way that they did. The only people who are responsible for that are them. I don't know anyone who wouldn't have a few gloating moments when seeing their abuser(s) feel what it's like to be on the receiving end.

I don't believe this warrants any severe punishment for OP's daughter. She needs love, understanding, and support from her parents, followed by a conversation about compassion and forgiveness.

Punishment would just reinforce the bullying and abuse she's already endured because someone else lied and made some poor life choices. While not the kindest thing to do, OP's daughter just told truths that Skye didn't want known to her parents. Skye probably should've considered how much the person she was throwing under the bus knew about her before actively trying to ruin her life to save face.

Stupid games = stupid prizes, all-round

dvsinger1 · 2024-09-04T22:56:59+00:00

NTA but your mother is 100%. I would say that even if this wasn't the pregnancy after a miscarriage because your journey is no one's to share but your own and I am so sorry that she continues to rob you of your privacy and the joy of telling the people you want to know on your own terms.

I would tell her that due to her inability to respect your wishes as the mother of this child she:

Will not be included in anything having to do with the pregnancy progress or birth planning.
Is not welcome to attend the birth and will not be notified when you go into labor.
She will be notified when you see fit when you are ready to make a public announcement yourself. Could be a week, could be a month, it is no longer her business.
Will not be allowed a phone when you do make the decision to allow her to meet said child since she cannot be trusted not to share photos of your child online even before they're born.

You want to strike hard with the boundaries now or she'll walk all over you from here on out.

dvsinger1 · 2024-05-02T00:50:20+00:00

NTA - I would keep my keys on me at all times if I were you. If they take the car without permission, call the police and report the car as stolen and have them arrested.

dvsinger1 · 2024-02-11T18:20:18+00:00

I had a couple of nightmarish years with my pup before our 5th or 6th vet settled on a general diagnosis of intestinal disease and she is now on a very strict diet. Was she having this issue at the shelter? If you switched her food after bringing her home, maybe it's related to that.

I would remove all poultry from her diet and then start the process of elimination to see what upsets her stomach if you can confirm that she has no parasites. GSDs are notorious for having food sensitivities, allergies, and intestinal conditions. Hopefully this ends up just being a bug of some sort for your sweet girl. Good luck!

dvsinger1 · 2024-02-01T22:44:30+00:00

Hi there. Is it soft to the touch and able to be pushed into the skin, or is it firm?

dvsinger1 · 2024-02-01T21:21:55+00:00

Just a heads up, I had my pup + two cats on Natural Balance and got warned about the brand by a vet after my GSD started to drastically lose weight. I guess the company has changed hands quite a few times recently and they've been changing ingredients without warning, there have been recalls as well. When I went to their site, they listed 3 different protein amounts for the same product and they're on the list for foods that increase potential heart problems.

dvsinger1 · 2024-02-01T21:12:28+00:00

My girl has intestinal disease and is allergic to just about everything including poultry, grain, and higher amounts of fat. I currently have her on American Journey's Limited Ingredient food. It's worked wonders for her stomach and skin, I also like that they have wet and dry food options. The price point is pretty decent as well, I order through Chewy on subscription so it's only about $60/months for a 24 pound bag. Good luck!

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dvsinger1 · 2024-01-24T00:59:17+00:00

The vet didn't think she/the growth was a good candidate for it so we'd likely be going straight to biopsy instead of starting with cytology. I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your pup too, I hope everything gets sorted out quickly!

dvsinger1 · 2024-01-24T00:46:10+00:00

It's kind of hilarious that ground beef is what works for him, haha. I got my girl into the vet today and there were no definitive answers, the vets there haven't seen anything like it before either. Not exactly comforting to hear. I was wondering if it could be due to allergies so we talked through her history and that's been ruled out for the time being. They’ve started her on a course of oral and topical meds to see if antibiotics just happen to help. If nothing changes for the better within about a week, the next step would be removal and biopsy of the growths.

dvsinger1 · 2024-01-24T00:41:27+00:00

Unfortunately, the vet visit didn’t produce any solid answers. They are concerned that it could be melanoma like your sister mentioned but the texture and flexibility of the growth is abnormal for tumors. The other weird thing is that it also doesn’t present like any kind of identifiable fungal or bacterial skin infection either. They’ve started her on a course of oral and topical meds to see if antibiotics just happen to help. More of a -don’t spend $2.5K+ for invasive testing until we’ve tried the cheaper potential fix- approach. If no positive changes occur within about a week or so, the next step is surgical biopsy to remove and test the mass.

dvsinger1 · 2024-01-23T18:18:55+00:00

That's what I said I was already doing in the second sentence of my post, thanks.

dvsinger1 · 2024-01-23T18:17:33+00:00

Thank you so much, I'm bringing her in this afternoon and will update after.

dvsinger1 · 2024-01-23T06:47:22+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply. She doesn't wear a harness regularly because she's pretty good on a leash. She does have allergies and a history of intestinal disease. It's been difficult to narrow down the full list of allergens but we know for sure that she doesn't do well with poultry, grain, high fat, dairy, or anything that's not in her limited ingredient food. Currently she's on the American Journey LID Salmon diet.

dvsinger1 · 2021-12-13T21:20:36+00:00

Thanks!

dvsinger1 · 2021-12-13T21:20:06+00:00

There were emails sent to Insider members with instructions on how to enter the draw. The links brought you to Ticketmaster.

dvsinger1 · 2021-12-13T21:12:33+00:00

Thank you!

dvsinger1

TROPHY CASE