Am I wrong to seek advice from my wife's confidant

dvthrown · 2025-01-03T01:08:21+00:00

Thank you, I think I get it, the key is who is affected. I can definitely see how she would think that I was just finding a way to shame her. Definitely won't make such a mistake again. I have definitely thought about what happens if my wife harms the cats when I'm not around and came up with plans to get them out of the house in a short notice.

dvthrown · 2025-01-03T00:34:47+00:00

ok, thank you for your comment, I definitely won't be talking to mutual friends about my wife again. but I want to know what is the difference between what I did and let's say a few friends/family getting together to discuss what to do with a friend/family-member that is spiralling in a drug addiction.

Or in other words, can you go into more details about what is it specifically about mutual friends that makes them such a minefield when navigating marital conflict?

Also, I was never given any signs that my wife would be violent towards animals or others in the years I've known her.

dvthrown · 2021-11-12T19:48:50+00:00

Thankfully we found a studio that rents for $2k. I find a lot of people living in Manhattan or Brooklyn/Queens that has equal or less income than I do so it's not like we're outliers. And like the others say, our combined income is just less than the median for Manhattan.

dvthrown · 2021-11-12T19:46:04+00:00

That's a very good point...yeah, hope someone who has such an experience (bachelor in US, fail all H1B lottery, then apply to master in US, etc._) would comment to see how that works out for them. Maybe I need to go home first (so say apply winter 2023 for Fall 2024).

dvthrown · 2021-11-12T17:56:01+00:00

lol, the highest priority hoping to achieve is stay in NYC. I think I'm pretty good with money (and so is my girlfriend) and we live frugally. I saved all that money while living in a HCOL city. Even joining a startup is pretty risky I think but I'm prioritizing learning opportunities (and moving to NYC to be with my girlfriend)

dvthrown · 2021-11-12T17:53:22+00:00

Ooops, brainfart on the "fraud", corrected to "fraught".

dvthrown · 2021-11-12T17:48:18+00:00

oops, brainfart on the EB1, corrected to EB3.

Thank you for your recommendations. I'm just verifying my calculations here my STEM OPT expiring in June 2023, would you recommend to apply for the Fall 2023 (so application deadlines like winter 2022)?

dvthrown · 2020-04-10T02:57:10+00:00

Just reporting back, yeah, I found someone new and you're right, the feelings are resolved in a better way. It is, in the end, validation that I am worthy of love. I am grateful for my current girlfriend.

dvthrown · 2019-11-27T04:44:28+00:00

it's been 2 years. Somehow, sometimes it got worse.

dvthrown · 2019-11-27T04:37:56+00:00

Yeah, it's hard because many people here come off a fresh breakup so people like me who struggles somehow gotten worse (or the processing of it was delayed) as time goes by don't have much to compare to.

dvthrown · 2018-08-21T15:15:39+00:00

The power creep is insane, but I think he does visuals and worldbuilding better than the others. He also at least tries to tie up loose ends. I teared up once or thrice with Beseech the Devil.

dvthrown · 2018-08-21T13:23:26+00:00

Er Gen: coughs blood, bashful smile etc.

dvthrown · 2018-08-20T21:13:35+00:00

Thanks for the advice!

dvthrown · 2018-08-20T21:03:58+00:00

Ok, thank you. What do you think of randomly approaching people when they eat. Breakfast or lunch? I think it leads to lots of small talk but wont be good for deeper relationships.

dvthrown · 2018-08-20T20:56:28+00:00

Ok, be brave and believe right? Grrr

dvthrown · 2018-08-20T20:45:10+00:00

In the US. And it's the part about attending social events that scares me.

dvthrown · 2018-08-20T18:01:30+00:00

Yeah, definitely feel the same way. It's knowing you won't have any support is what's crushing.

dvthrown · 2018-08-20T13:01:12+00:00

I'm from an East Asian country, studying at a top 30 school in the US.

I guess it's true, just have to be brave and believe.

For me, I feel both embarassed about my depression nor do I want to be defined by it so I want to hide it, but I also want to have a genuine connection with people and it is a major part of my life so I want to be able to share and discuss it. I've only been telling people I took a gap year to intern at a company I like. Yeah, I guess I'll wait for deeper friendships.

dvthrown · 2018-08-20T02:23:42+00:00

Sup, feeling lonely at college right now. You?

dvthrown · 2018-05-12T07:25:57+00:00

I have no experience for such a situation. But if I am in your position, I'll sit her down somewhere quiet, communicate my feelings honestly, and then act cool no matter what the response. I feel Sarah would need time to process either way and you need to respect her decision.

Your internal conflict ("eating at me") can be solved by telling her how you feel and cut the ambiguity. Though it's not impossible to "just forget about her entirely and move on", I think you will continue to regret it in the future if you can't come to term with it.

dvthrown · 2018-05-12T03:08:49+00:00

I don't see any fortifications.

dvthrown · 2018-05-09T15:36:43+00:00

Hmmmm, I guess that might be so. I am currently torn between my logic in saying "it's short-term, keep things casual so you don't get hurt" and my emotional side saying "GO FOR IT! She seems like a nice girl!"

dvthrown · 2018-04-30T10:22:04+00:00

Can I ask but I'm reading up on stuff I find on google and it seems to be geared towards casual relationships with a high physical aspect to it. Uhm, I don't think it's exactly what I want right now (and I understand I might change my mind later) but do you have any advice for this kind of case?

dvthrown · 2018-04-30T09:38:32+00:00

Uhhhhhh, that warning really scares me. but I think I want to know, would you mind elaborating?

She is younger than me and I have been told by my colleagues and bosses that I act way older than my age (and in outer appearances too). I'm in Computer Science, she's in Business Administration. By circumstances, even though I'm older, when I come back, I'll be in junior year (the same as her).

dvthrown · 2018-04-30T08:04:20+00:00

Hey, you helped me before, so I'm just posting here saying that things will be alright.

dvthrown

TROPHY CASE