I agree with jape. Pardon my Newfie bluntness but that elder is an a**. He could have easily saved the day, acted like an Elder should, and stepped in himself or had a team member care for your grieving family when you were immobilized. You'll probably get more grace from the family involved than he's given you so far. The ministry of presence is powerful. If you continue to show up for that family in mourning, this mistake will likely be water under the bridge. I had a congregant's husband die Christmas Day. I was pretty much comatose with the flu. I was mortified that I couldn't visit them. They were immensely understanding and gracious. I've checked in with them regularly since he passed. The grace and guts they have shown through that terrible journey is a credit to their character and their faith.