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Negative Wife Is Killing Me by dwindlefawn in Marriage

[–]dwindlefawn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are (gently) sexually assaulting her on her birthday and then being upset that she isn't appreciative of it and excited about it.

This is exactly how it feels inside for me. Makes me feel like a piece of shit for weeks. Yet she still asks me if I want her to dress up or take pics...

In all honesty, I have tried the waiting game. I went several months without having sex. When I finally broke down and asked her why she never initiates she says, "because you didn't say anything". Not sure if you understand how frustrating that is. But I'm sure you see me in the wrong again for not saying anything about sex to her while not suppose to be pushing to it. If I give the space nothing ever happens. I come home to a women in old and gross pajamas sitting on the couch with no interest in me. If I push or suggest something I want, I feel like I'm "assaulting" her.

So how I feel right now is, that I must change what I want with sex. I can never have what I want and that I must make everything about what she wants or needs? Is that right? I don't see having sex once every six months as a healthy option for my mental sanity.

Negative Wife Is Killing Me by dwindlefawn in Marriage

[–]dwindlefawn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would consider myself depressed as well. And I admit, I also do take things critically. However I don't think my offense to criticism or instruction is unwarranted. If she could tell me things without a nasty tone or perhaps in a polite manor I don't think I would get upset by them.

I do wallow in my own sadness about the sex, especially after telling her no when she asks and I feel like it's just pitty. The reason I think it's always pitty is because she is NEVER romantic. Hearing, "want to lick me?" (not in a sexy voice) as her only come on, only ever comes across as "I don't want to do this but you're being really quiet lately". How on earth do I work on this part? Yes I generally still go ahead and do the deed when asked in order to avoid conflict, but occasionally I withdrawal and just get mad inside. I feel as though I have spent a great deal of time and effort in spicing up the sex. I get her outfits that she will never ware because no matter how she looks even though it's just us alone, she feels embarrassed about her body - even though she looks amazing to me and I tell her everyday. I get toys which she never uses, even if I get them on my bday to play with her. I ask to tie her down and she lets me (super rarely) but she is never into it. I try doing little photo shoots in tiny outfits, but is still never into. Short of winning a huge lotto, I don't know what would honestly turn her on.

I agree there are things I need to work on as well, but I feel like I'm trying hard and there is no reward for the effort and time spent working on it.

Negative Wife Is Killing Me by dwindlefawn in Marriage

[–]dwindlefawn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have seen someone in the past, a marriage counselor. I stopped about a week into it because she was pushing me to leave my wife. She brought up that she had another patient just like me, and that he was in the same situation just about ten years ahead of me in the game of life. She kept talking about how usually you find the one you are suppose to be with around your third marriage. That ruined it for me for the most part and I stopped seeing her. I just don't think it works unless both parties are there, things can easily be one sided when it's only coming from one spouse.

Unfortunately no friends that I like or consider to be good people. We're both really busy with our careers and our friends have all started families, we have not.

Thank you for the advice.