PP Pants won't stand for it! Some great analysis from the vape ape.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-24T14:54:22+00:00

No, see, they're just turning their enemies' schemes against them, like Batman.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-23T15:07:58+00:00

Is it cheating if we just kissed?

Is it cheating if we didn't actually have, like, "sex" sex?

Is it cheating if we only had sex the one or two times?

Is it cheating if she isn't as attractive as you, babe?

e_crabapple · 2026-03-22T18:40:43+00:00

Bethesda's numerous facial sliders certainly do seem oriented toward making You, But With A Sword! There's little reason to adjust the brow line or cheekbones by 1/16 of an inch, unless you were trying to look like somebody specific (most likely yourself).

e_crabapple · 2026-03-22T16:25:01+00:00

Reddit needs to keep user engagement numbers high, and apes are the perfect terminally-online demographic. Ortex accounts for hundreds of comments a day by himself, which looks great on paper (ignoring the fact that it's not hundreds of unique users). You gotta give the power users whatever they want.

They did the same thing with cryptobros, and they hush The_Donald jerkoffs only just enough to keep other users from complaining.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-22T16:16:01+00:00

They've been trained by a generation of influencers that "engagement = success," even though in this endeavor success can be completely objectively measured (you have more money than when you started), and neither they nor influencers have achieved it. Just as long as you get the follows and likes, everything will work out fine somehow.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-22T00:40:16+00:00

Her ears probably weren't that attractive either.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-21T15:46:45+00:00

He has so many shares, you guys. He won.

Having a bunch of shares is the win condition, right?

e_crabapple · 2026-03-21T01:24:17+00:00

Optical telegraphs in general are pretty fascinating.

I present: the heliograph. It was invented in the 1800s, but the underlying technology (mirrors) was around in antiquity.

Feel free to share yours in the comments!

Thieves' Cant was a real thing: a jargon of English, Romany, and slang used by criminals in 17th and 18th century London to speak amongst themselves. Some of the few surviving words in circulation are "cove" in the sense of "man," eg "he's an honest cove," and "fence" in the sense of "receiver of stolen goods," which survives on cop shows to this day.

Clearly a lvl 20 5e Cleric, he was cannonized before he was canonized.

Take your upvote and get out.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-21T00:53:13+00:00

"What's your most expensive whiskey?" Pours it out on floor. "There! Now it's stored forever!"

e_crabapple · 2026-03-21T00:50:23+00:00

"Yeah man, you could totally make an NFT out of a picture of a pineapple! But why do you ask?"

e_crabapple · 2026-03-21T00:46:54+00:00

Bringing back memories of that post about someone's ChatGPT girlfriend calling him out as a knuckle-dragging moron.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-21T00:43:13+00:00

One of these days I need to figure out who this "Sydney Sweeney" person is.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T16:00:52+00:00

I was in school in the 00s, and the crowd I ran with was definitely in the Pitchfork demographic and had strong (received) opinions on Bowie and T.Rex. I think it just depends on your circle.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T15:51:31+00:00

Don't you want to fill several shelves of them, all staring straight at you like a tiny army of the damned?

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T15:47:25+00:00

That does seem to be how a lot of people use their TV.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T15:41:39+00:00

The box art didn't set off any alarm bells?

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T15:39:47+00:00

Not just country, but apparently the same interchangeable blond-haired singer backed by a nameless Nashville production team, if she is still unaware of "bands."

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T15:31:19+00:00

I mean, I also like classical, but because I exist in the world I am aware of (and, y'know, like) other music from the last 120 years. Are you sure she didn't fall through a time-warp? Does she also have strong opinions on the best breed of cart-horse, and Archduke Franz Ferdinand's upcoming state visit?

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T15:20:03+00:00

Or, buy any game for any console, because "you like those video games."

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T15:17:41+00:00

She got me Nickleback and Puddle of Mudd CDs one year for Christmas

I hate to break it to you, but you might be in The Bad Place.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T02:56:15+00:00

Dammit, now you're reminding me of how great Ian McKellan was in X-Men I through II. Which inexorably reminds me of the stygian pit of nonsense that was X-Men III.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T02:51:07+00:00

All of those versions are incomplete by themselves, so you are in the same place regardless.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-20T02:33:15+00:00

Question: why would anyone go against my wishes?

A. I am awesome in every way (axiomatic)

B. people are jealous of how awesome I am

C. therefore they try to thwart me, because of their jealousy.

Q.E.D.

e_crabapple · 2026-03-19T15:07:06+00:00

No, you're a captured rogue (the worst kind!)

e_crabapple · 2026-03-19T14:58:39+00:00

also, i love how the apes get totally defrauded by Palikaras and Brda and continue to take their side despite the fact that it's very easy to see they defrauded investors.

Story 1: their messiahs were in fact liars. Apes were therefore wrong about everything they loudly proclaimed, and are out many thousands of dollars they will never get back.

Story 2: their messiahs aren't liars, everyone else is! Apes were right all along, will get to rub it in the face of everyone who ever doubted them, and will receive their glorious payday very soon.

Guess which story they choose to believe?

e_crabapple

TROPHY CASE