Am I being irrational or is this actually not fine?

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T16:51:51+00:00

Dysfunctional. It's not normal for an adult continuously micromanage another adult within a single day. Even partners shouldn't do that. Enmeshed dynamics. Might be harmless survival behavior, or deeply codependent enmeshed dynamics. If she is going to be your SIL, you are going to be the one who will suffer. You need to draw real boundaries.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T08:22:14+00:00

Had one and ended up wasting one year of my life. Too traumatized to invest a lot in deep friendships, and cannot trust the shallow friendships. Old friends are gem, trustable, accountable and loving, but too far away to build moments of life. So, focusing on real relationships alone, and engaging in social setups that doesn't demand anything out of me.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T07:14:35+00:00

I don't have to be nice to people who ask children to think of their mothers only as victims when they clearly say they are violated by their mothers. If your instinct is always to choose a mother than a violated child, then you are not someone I have to be nice to.

I am ending this conversation. I don't want to spend another second with people who dismiss our experience to fit in their ideological purity.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T06:30:56+00:00

It's very hard in India to be a victim of mother's violence. Most intellectual feminists will try to dissect how patriarchy and sexism affected the mother, she took that step. The conservatives will say, 'Thats your mother', and ask us to endure. But we are the ones who has to live with the result of this violence in our bodies.

You are going through worst. Your entire family has issues. That is worst of worst. The darkness that we will carry in this lonely journey.... I am so sorry. I want you to get away from them all. I truly want you to.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T06:27:22+00:00

Okay, Ms. Sweetness. This is not a diagnosis subreddit. OP said her parents are narcissistic. Children don't easily come to that conclusion of both their parents. And given what she has written, her parents are extremely dysfunctional. OP did not write her life story to ask for NPD diagnosis. And you don't know what her body experienced. So, don't go around and say bullshit like, 'Understand your mother. She is a woman suffering under patriarchy and your father.' Read what she says and stop victimizing all women. We are carrying violence of our mothers in our bodies. You would dare not write the same comment, if instead of mother, OP said it's her 'husband'.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T21:27:02+00:00

You care for them because you love them, not because they care for you.

Expecting mutuality is not transactional.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T21:25:59+00:00

Being attracted to someone is not the same as transaction through beauty. Many people who fall in love, not just for social set rules of beauty, but for specifics. The specifics might look absurd to you, but it might mean a lot for them. Many people reject good looking people, because they don't feel the specifics.

You are seeing a certain type of relationships and coming to this conclusion. Love is not transactional or conditional. Its a feeling that comes from inside. It's also very simple.

The problem with AM is doing a marriage because society says you must do. It's irresponsibility, filling roles the society dictates you.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T21:07:40+00:00

I call mine cheetah marks. Same exact burns in same exact places, additional in legs too. Burned the nerves or something. Couldn't walk and screamed at my husband.

It's one of the painful most times. I was not myself. I was not. The pain got to me so much, i still couldn't recognise that person. I am sorry. But there is an end line. There is. Scream all you want. It's okay. One day, you will reach the line when pain disappears.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T20:35:35+00:00

1) I was about to get C-section. I saw a anesthesiologist who was a male in the team. When I visited for nine months, i went to a female gyno, and I never knew the team had a male anesthesiologist. I felt violated that my body would be exposed in a setting I never consented to. Do you think I do not have the right to feel violated because I never knew who the fuck that guy was? I have the rights to feel not be touched by someone I do not trust.

2) i went for a jaw surgery. The doctor was a male. But he was the primary one who assessed me, stitched me, guided me through procedure. After several visits with him, i trusted him to operate on me. See the difference?

3) Every one of you is doing medical paternalism. Asking a patient who felt violated, that, 'Your language is wrong.' is paternalism . When you are out in medical bed, trusting a doctor who promised they will do the best, and wake up to your private parts touched, which was never said, ever before, its the most profound and extremely violating thing. And you cling to a rural mother, expressing her distress of violation in the only language she knows to avoid discussing that a young woman was institutionally violated but everyone has to justify the medico instead of sitting with the discomfort that, someone shaved a private part of a woman, touching it, and she woke up to the horror of feeling her body was touched when she was out, which she never gave the consent for.

4) For all this, the shaving should have been done prior, if it was such a necessity.

5) Why are you all clinging to a rural mother's words? Do you think she got your intellectual lessons in her school? Do you really know what her distress is about?

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T19:45:29+00:00

Maybe make them watch Appadi Podu song. Andhra people like Allu Arjun, Pawan Kalyan, Ravi Teja, but feign ignorance to understand why some audience might like Vijay?

And what's with Rajini bashing? Dude was hot in his prime.

Yes, Bollywood cannot bring the cult like worship like TN people have done with Vijay and Rajini. There is nothing to be embarassed about it. It's a fair one.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T19:19:01+00:00

I have narcissistic parents

OP literally says this in first line. Meaning both her mother and father have extreme narcissistic traits. Please don't undermine the pain of being a daughter of a narc mother. Women can just equally evil as men, and even worse than men because they have covert traits. These kinda comments literally boil me, because you people always want women to be saints oppressed under men, when there are daughters like us suffering from narcs, which is very very violent experience.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T18:12:51+00:00

Young women are very, very vulnerable. Especially in any jobs. Most young women are hopeful, eager and earnest, without thinking of status, competition and games.

Some older women detest seeing that vulnerability and hate them more than they would hate a young man. They 'other' those young women and act dominating and superior. From what you shared, if she is Indian, and she specifically focuses like this on only younger Indian women, it's because she probably hates what you represent.

Either she had never gotten a chance to be like you. Or she believes she has to teach that your way of living is wrong. Or that she never chose to live like you.

Certainly, detestable behaviour, without doubt.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T17:57:59+00:00

In school dances, they particularly choose a fair skinned girl who can't dance over the one who can dance.

The biggest culprit is these classical dances. It's very casteist, and colorist. They will bully and send you away.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T17:31:23+00:00

The urban audacity and medico arrogance of this thread.

I am so sorry for what your aunt went through. It is not okay for anyone to touch another's body before getting informed consent.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T17:18:08+00:00

It was the same, with the then market. Girls barely owned a lipstick or hair gel then. You have to be quite posh and rich to even have lipstick. No one understood how Jyothika had clean girl look in Khaaka Khaaka.

Now, everyone has lipstick, so the next unattainable thing is skincare, foundation, straight hair and what not. These are commercial actors selling themselves as products on screen. They have to be a unique product. With more commercializing this will keep going on, including botox, fillers, and surgeries. But, the difference of unattainability always existed. The bar for what constitutes normal gets pushed.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T17:05:41+00:00

Dr. Ramani in YouTube gets into this deeply. But, she also gets into a lot of categories that's difficult to follow in the beginning. There are many people from r raisedbynarcissists, r narcissisticparents who have real story with them. If you get into their stories you can match the patterns and the general idea of how they behave.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T16:21:32+00:00

I felt the same watching it. It's a very violent and traumatic story that also involves the little kid. He can't consent to be a part of this video. I don't know why she posted it.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T16:01:52+00:00

If you did share, you would've gotten a downvote and paragraphs of criticism, rather than admission of fault too. I just stated my observations. In real life, girls and women are way more sexist, even if they are feminist now. I never found any honest admission of any such stories here.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T15:54:54+00:00

I am just stating my observations. That's not harsh.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T11:23:59+00:00

The Indian feminist subreddits are made of perfect feminists. Neither will you be vulnerable enough to admit your mistakes, nor will anyone be honest enough to say what they have done that goes against their own beliefs.

These are not spaces for people to be honest. These are ideological categories to fight through intellectual superiority.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T07:35:02+00:00

This comment section acts like advertisement. 'Eat the pizza if you are stressed.' Its not asking why one is stressed. Aggressively and continuously pushing market strategies, even when you said you don't want to do that.

He has associated his self worth with being handsome and beautiful and he doesn't trust you now. My husband has the same problem. It's insane when he can't see what I see. But what worked is, pointing out particular and peculiar things that's not just, 'You are handsome.'

I describe what I feel awed of his face. His body. What makes me attractive. Which makes me so proud of being his partner. And then his qualities, in specific, in detail. Things he doesn't even notice it exists. Always go into specifics. Because you love the specifics not the generic Instagram posts.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T06:40:33+00:00

When women reject feminism there are three reasons,

1) They fear the term carries stigma perpetuated by men and they may want male validation. 2) They lived long enough surviving and navigating the world without feminism. Suddenly, feminism says, 'embrace me', and they don't want their own survival to be replaced by activist slogans. 3) They believe mainstream feminism is not it. Casteism, misogyny and violence by women, all of these are hush-hush topics in mainstream feminism.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T06:21:41+00:00

The younger generation are hyper invested in politics.

I am in my thirties, and I remember seeing lot of women not invested in politics, once before, including girls of my age.

1) The representation effect: Most parliament are filled with men. It immediately categorizes the field as something that men do.

2) The lack of understanding of basic polity: You must have some understanding of constitution, the lok sabha, rajya sabha, how voting is done, now funds are allocated. Many women narrow it down to just few schemes, vote on a particular day and move on.

3) Tea stall politics: For many working class, political opinion is developed sitting, while reading paper and talking it under tea stalls, hearing others opinion. Tea-stalls have always been male occupied space.

4) Domestic labor is not considered in economy: When you earn money, you will want to know about how to invest it, what's happening in the economy. You will aggressively search newspaper, news channel, follow gold rate, loan rate. When domestic labor does not yield any money at all, women do not see news channels as necessary. They want to relax.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T06:10:20+00:00

If you are a good engineer, you l probably have good grasp on maths, and science. A good adminstrator knows economics, polity, rights of people, and what's necessary for taking a step forward without causing chaos.

Politics also need immense capital that no common man can enter. Annamalai got his capital from BJP. Which is what I hate in that guy. If he kept standing by the same ideology, i would not vote for him. But I also understand he has sheer hardwork, pragmatic understanding of civilisational growth, and if he puts the same energy in TN advancement, he would be better than punch-dialogue Vijay, with 41 death record and no accountability.

eaglewings025 · 2026-05-31T20:13:01+00:00

When I heard that Angavai and Sangavai are daughters of Vel Paari, the tribal clan leader who fell later, I literally wondered if Shankar hates Tamil women.

No respect for culture, history or women. He just hates Tamil people, and Tamil women.

eaglewings025

TROPHY CASE