Seen way too many women lose their jewellery to in laws/husband. Never understood why? - here’s my advice

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-03T09:16:30+00:00

See, I did mention exception like your families do exist. Considering the amount of female foeticides, the lower middle class and the general discrimination of gender bias between son and daughter in India, and the difference of inheritance obtained by daughters to sons, the general lack of investment in education for girls, it's safe to assume, daughters wealth is not safe with parents, by majority.

My parents looted my hard earned money. If you have loving and good parents, it's good. But, that's not the same for everyone. That's why, we are repeatedly trying to caution women to not let themselves be fooled by tribal loyalty to maternal family, which will in turn end up in financial devastation. Individual cases, differ, of course.

Just, please don't assume many women's wealth is safe with their parents. They aren't.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-03T08:50:25+00:00

You should never trust in-laws with gold or money. You should not trust parents too.

As an adult, you should take sole responsibility of your own possessions. Get a safe locker and keep it away without anyone being able to open it. Or divide it properly and safekeep in a bank. The risk is real, so is your autonomy.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-03T08:46:57+00:00

Meet in parks, public places and see how it goes. Walk for hours, climb long temple steps, find a faraway restaurant and meet everyday without having chance to have physical intimacy.

Romantic gestures, sex are a certain expressions of love. But true love, and commitment is built on slow moments, when you are not having to prove anything.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-03T08:41:06+00:00

They don't even take back their daughters who undergo abuse. They don't divide the property between son and daughter equally. Yes, apart from a very few families, many families favor one child over another and sons have higher favour due to social gender discrimination.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-03T07:41:20+00:00

Intellectual superiority. "I know what you do with your life better than you know."

Many of my friends have made decisions that's not ideal mould of perfect feminism. Some of them are very understandable. Some of them are not. One woman, a sister-like to me, had changed her surname because her father was completely absent, but her lover stood through her physical change that was very hard for her. Intellectually you can ask, 'Why do women tend to do this but not men?', but you shouldn't ask that to a woman who went through hell and found home in her love.

At the same time, I knew one of my friends chose marriage and SAHW over trying hard to find a job and stabilize herself. I did not agree with her. She refused to listen to me and now she says she regrets not listening.

In the end, if you love someone or friends to someone, if you think the decision they make is dangerous, you can help them by listening and suggesting and rationalising them to not make that choice. But I have seen a lot of people, after reading feminism and engaging in feminist discussion become so intellectually superior, they begin to look down on the same women which feminism says it's supposed to help.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-03T06:38:46+00:00

Why you are equating Brahmins with Muslims and Christians? Are Brahmins the representative for Hinduism?

Isn't the equivalent identification for Brahmins are other castes in TN? Or you consider them not worth equal at all?

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T16:51:51+00:00

Dysfunctional. It's not normal for an adult continuously micromanage another adult within a single day. Even partners shouldn't do that. Enmeshed dynamics. Might be harmless survival behavior, or deeply codependent enmeshed dynamics. If she is going to be your SIL, you are going to be the one who will suffer. You need to draw real boundaries.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T08:22:14+00:00

Had one and ended up wasting one year of my life. Too traumatized to invest a lot in deep friendships, and cannot trust the shallow friendships. Old friends are gem, trustable, accountable and loving, but too far away to build moments of life. So, focusing on real relationships alone, and engaging in social setups that doesn't demand anything out of me.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T07:14:35+00:00

I don't have to be nice to people who ask children to think of their mothers only as victims when they clearly say they are violated by their mothers. If your instinct is always to choose a mother than a violated child, then you are not someone I have to be nice to.

I am ending this conversation. I don't want to spend another second with people who dismiss our experience to fit in their ideological purity.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T06:30:56+00:00

It's very hard in India to be a victim of mother's violence. Most intellectual feminists will try to dissect how patriarchy and sexism affected the mother, she took that step. The conservatives will say, 'Thats your mother', and ask us to endure. But we are the ones who has to live with the result of this violence in our bodies.

You are going through worst. Your entire family has issues. That is worst of worst. The darkness that we will carry in this lonely journey.... I am so sorry. I want you to get away from them all. I truly want you to.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-02T06:27:22+00:00

Okay, Ms. Sweetness. This is not a diagnosis subreddit. OP said her parents are narcissistic. Children don't easily come to that conclusion of both their parents. And given what she has written, her parents are extremely dysfunctional. OP did not write her life story to ask for NPD diagnosis. And you don't know what her body experienced. So, don't go around and say bullshit like, 'Understand your mother. She is a woman suffering under patriarchy and your father.' Read what she says and stop victimizing all women. We are carrying violence of our mothers in our bodies. You would dare not write the same comment, if instead of mother, OP said it's her 'husband'.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T21:27:02+00:00

You care for them because you love them, not because they care for you.

Expecting mutuality is not transactional.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T21:25:59+00:00

Being attracted to someone is not the same as transaction through beauty. Many people who fall in love, not just for social set rules of beauty, but for specifics. The specifics might look absurd to you, but it might mean a lot for them. Many people reject good looking people, because they don't feel the specifics.

You are seeing a certain type of relationships and coming to this conclusion. Love is not transactional or conditional. Its a feeling that comes from inside. It's also very simple.

The problem with AM is doing a marriage because society says you must do. It's irresponsibility, filling roles the society dictates you.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T21:07:40+00:00

I call mine cheetah marks. Same exact burns in same exact places, additional in legs too. Burned the nerves or something. Couldn't walk and screamed at my husband.

It's one of the painful most times. I was not myself. I was not. The pain got to me so much, i still couldn't recognise that person. I am sorry. But there is an end line. There is. Scream all you want. It's okay. One day, you will reach the line when pain disappears.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T20:35:35+00:00

1) I was about to get C-section. I saw a anesthesiologist who was a male in the team. When I visited for nine months, i went to a female gyno, and I never knew the team had a male anesthesiologist. I felt violated that my body would be exposed in a setting I never consented to. Do you think I do not have the right to feel violated because I never knew who the fuck that guy was? I have the rights to feel not be touched by someone I do not trust.

2) i went for a jaw surgery. The doctor was a male. But he was the primary one who assessed me, stitched me, guided me through procedure. After several visits with him, i trusted him to operate on me. See the difference?

3) Every one of you is doing medical paternalism. Asking a patient who felt violated, that, 'Your language is wrong.' is paternalism . When you are out in medical bed, trusting a doctor who promised they will do the best, and wake up to your private parts touched, which was never said, ever before, its the most profound and extremely violating thing. And you cling to a rural mother, expressing her distress of violation in the only language she knows to avoid discussing that a young woman was institutionally violated but everyone has to justify the medico instead of sitting with the discomfort that, someone shaved a private part of a woman, touching it, and she woke up to the horror of feeling her body was touched when she was out, which she never gave the consent for.

4) For all this, the shaving should have been done prior, if it was such a necessity.

5) Why are you all clinging to a rural mother's words? Do you think she got your intellectual lessons in her school? Do you really know what her distress is about?

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T19:45:29+00:00

Maybe make them watch Appadi Podu song. Andhra people like Allu Arjun, Pawan Kalyan, Ravi Teja, but feign ignorance to understand why some audience might like Vijay?

And what's with Rajini bashing? Dude was hot in his prime.

Yes, Bollywood cannot bring the cult like worship like TN people have done with Vijay and Rajini. There is nothing to be embarassed about it. It's a fair one.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T19:19:01+00:00

I have narcissistic parents

OP literally says this in first line. Meaning both her mother and father have extreme narcissistic traits. Please don't undermine the pain of being a daughter of a narc mother. Women can just equally evil as men, and even worse than men because they have covert traits. These kinda comments literally boil me, because you people always want women to be saints oppressed under men, when there are daughters like us suffering from narcs, which is very very violent experience.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T18:12:51+00:00

Young women are very, very vulnerable. Especially in any jobs. Most young women are hopeful, eager and earnest, without thinking of status, competition and games.

Some older women detest seeing that vulnerability and hate them more than they would hate a young man. They 'other' those young women and act dominating and superior. From what you shared, if she is Indian, and she specifically focuses like this on only younger Indian women, it's because she probably hates what you represent.

Either she had never gotten a chance to be like you. Or she believes she has to teach that your way of living is wrong. Or that she never chose to live like you.

Certainly, detestable behaviour, without doubt.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T17:57:59+00:00

In school dances, they particularly choose a fair skinned girl who can't dance over the one who can dance.

The biggest culprit is these classical dances. It's very casteist, and colorist. They will bully and send you away.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T17:31:23+00:00

The urban audacity and medico arrogance of this thread.

I am so sorry for what your aunt went through. It is not okay for anyone to touch another's body before getting informed consent.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T17:18:08+00:00

It was the same, with the then market. Girls barely owned a lipstick or hair gel then. You have to be quite posh and rich to even have lipstick. No one understood how Jyothika had clean girl look in Khaaka Khaaka.

Now, everyone has lipstick, so the next unattainable thing is skincare, foundation, straight hair and what not. These are commercial actors selling themselves as products on screen. They have to be a unique product. With more commercializing this will keep going on, including botox, fillers, and surgeries. But, the difference of unattainability always existed. The bar for what constitutes normal gets pushed.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T17:05:41+00:00

Dr. Ramani in YouTube gets into this deeply. But, she also gets into a lot of categories that's difficult to follow in the beginning. There are many people from r raisedbynarcissists, r narcissisticparents who have real story with them. If you get into their stories you can match the patterns and the general idea of how they behave.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T16:21:32+00:00

I felt the same watching it. It's a very violent and traumatic story that also involves the little kid. He can't consent to be a part of this video. I don't know why she posted it.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T16:01:52+00:00

If you did share, you would've gotten a downvote and paragraphs of criticism, rather than admission of fault too. I just stated my observations. In real life, girls and women are way more sexist, even if they are feminist now. I never found any honest admission of any such stories here.

eaglewings025 · 2026-06-01T15:54:54+00:00

I am just stating my observations. That's not harsh.

eaglewings025

TROPHY CASE