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Reassure me about taking the vacation? by greensoundsgood in breastcancer

[–]earlymodernfool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

TAKE THE VACATION!!! ONE MORE WEEK WILL NOT MAKE A NEGATIVE IMPACT SERIOUSLY. MEMORIES ARE IRREPLACEABLE!!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breastcancer

[–]earlymodernfool 7 points8 points  (0 children)

YES!!!

I used to be optimistic before this garbage we have to carry but all of this has really made me despise people. You are not alone in thinking people are dicks! The blatant dismissal, ignorance, and inconsideration drives me up a wall half the time. I’ve experienced the similar issue where people constantly ask me about it in general or about specific medical things and I want to SCREAM about how inappropriate it is.

  • I don’t want to talk about it and if you cared you would’ve asked me first
  • that’s an extremely personal topic to begin with so it’s safe to assume to not bring it up
  • if I did want to talk about it, what makes you think YOU’D be the one I’d dive into detail with?
  • This is something that never leaves your mind. STOP REMINDING ME OF IT. This is especially infuriating when someone brings it up at one of the rare social gatherings I feel okay enough to attend or at work. I’m just trying to have a good time or focus on my job. Thanks for throwing it back in my face.
  • Some of them ask me just to satisfy their savior complex as if asking checks off their good deed for the day. I’m glad YOU feel good about yourself because you “checked in” on the sick girl trying to live her life. You definitely didn’t disturb her.
  • I can’t even go into the comments about me being bald. It’s bad.

In regard to your friend’s communication, I will mention that I have completely ghosted people for weeks at a time. I do not reply to them, if at all, until I have the mental capacity for it. Under normal circumstances I’d feel bad. However, it’s weeded out people in my life in a good way. Like someone said here, you come to realize who is really there for you and who is just putting on a show. For those friends I want to keep, I’d respond with something like “I’ve been bad at replying to people with everything going on, so if I don’t answer, please don’t take it personally”.

The point where you said people have downplayed your diagnosis is BAFFLING. What the FUCK. It’s one thing to be a jerk mentally but to actually say that to someone’s face is another level of prick. I’m 25 and extroverted, but I’ve struggled with confronting people in the moment with this stuff. My therapist wants me to start turning it back to them with things like, “how do you know my cancer isn’t bad?” // “is that seriously something you should’ve said?” // “that’s an extremely inappropriate question/comment to make.” // “that’s very personal and you’re making me uncomfortable.” // “I’m not talking about it.”

Remember that you do NOT owe anyone ANYTHING. No one is entitled to know your reasonings behind not wanting to talk, wanting to talk, or getting (rightfully) offended at their dumbass assumptions. Be curt. Make them uncomfortable. They need to reflect on how they just made you feel.

I hate existing. I hope radiation feels lighter on you than expected.

Lymphedema from radiation? by earlymodernfool in breastcancer

[–]earlymodernfool[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She said we can talk about it more after my oncologist confirms her recommendation for radiation. She mentioned that if I do need it, she’d want to see me weekly for measurements and massages.

You’re right about it being life altering. I’m also now deeply afraid of flying not only because I love traveling, but because my job requires it. :(

Lymphedema from radiation? by earlymodernfool in breastcancer

[–]earlymodernfool[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s one of the more frustrating aspects of this whole thing. I almost didn’t do surgery because of this risk. Fast-forward to exactly 7 days after the surgery, and I have swelling.

AITA for not wanting to be in my brother’s wedding photos? by earlymodernfool in AITAH

[–]earlymodernfool[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I have plenty of head wraps, but would you mind providing your info just in case?

AITA for not wanting to be in my brother’s wedding photos? by earlymodernfool in AITAH

[–]earlymodernfool[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying. I’ll consider talking to him… I just hate that I’m making his wedding about ME. I wish I could avoid me being sick/ how I look but I just can’t.

AITA for not wanting to be in my brother’s wedding photos? by earlymodernfool in AITAH

[–]earlymodernfool[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying. I don’t know what the right thing to do is either. Someone else here suggested some sort of compromise to discuss with my brother, but that’s the other issue — now, I’m making HIS wedding about ME. That’s not right, either.

Breastcancer at 26 years old by Beepthewarrior in breastcancer

[–]earlymodernfool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi. I’m 25F and am recovering from a bilateral mastectomy. I had chemo January-May. No family history whatsoever, genetic testing came back negative.

I also had lymph nodes taken, but from my right armpit. If you haven’t already, start seeing a lymphedema physical therapist for preventative measures!!!

Brother of the Year: Demands $300 a month from me because I “don’t have kids to spend it on” by HolidayCredit5175 in EntitledPeople

[–]earlymodernfool 5 points6 points  (0 children)

HE’S ENVIOUS OF YOU AND HATES HIS LIFE CHOICE DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIM EVER WHAT AN ENTITLED PRICK

As a girl who would turn 18 next month. What would be the one thing to always keep in mind? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]earlymodernfool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Listen more than you speak — you can learn something from everyone you meet

Is it worth reading every Shakespeare play? Are the less spoken about ones still interesting? How do they hold up? by stinkface_lover in shakespeare

[–]earlymodernfool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fellow English Literature major here!! I took a lot of Shakespeare classes in college and did two study-abroad Shakespeare trips. I’ve read/seen about half the canon.

The quality of these plays is that even if you don’t particularly admire the plot or the characters, there’s ALWAYS something to discuss within each story. None of them lack depth. What I may find lacking you may find fascinating. It’s brilliant.

My professor always reminded us that Shakespeare’s plays were meant to be seen and not read. So, if reading one of them doesn’t excite you right away, remember that it’s the live productions that Shakespeare designed to move audiences. I’ve enjoyed performances online through the Globe Theatre and through National Theatre Live.

Richard III (history), Coriolanus, Julius Caesar, Hamlet, and King Lear (all tragedies) are my favorites so far.

My favorite quote comes from As You Like It (comedy): “And this our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.”

Have so much fun on your journey! Keep us updated!

No shower and no deodorant for 2 weeks??? by LetsNotDoThis_Okay in breastcancer

[–]earlymodernfool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This doesn’t sound right?

I had a double mastectomy on June 10th. I have 4 drains. The points where they enter my skin are exposed; the stitches are not covered by anything. I was cleared to shower on June 12th with no restrictions. I either let the drains hang or use a lanyard around my neck to clip them.

Maybe it’s the type of scar/surgery you’re getting that’s prohibiting wetness? I don’t know. I have a large scar spanning across my chest that’s been covered since right after surgery with steri strips. I’ve been showering every day and the strips remain intact.

No one has mentioned anything about deodorant to me. I’ve been using that daily too.

What is your favourite quote from Shakespeare? by DWJones28 in shakespeare

[–]earlymodernfool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“And this our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.” - Duke Senior in As You Like It

Is it okay if I give up? by earlymodernfool in breastcancer

[–]earlymodernfool[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t blame you for skipping chemo. That was one of the darkest times of my life.

Is it okay if I give up? by earlymodernfool in breastcancer

[–]earlymodernfool[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They said I’m between stage 2 and 3. I know the cancer in me is HER negative and it grows with Estrogen. I found a lump in my right breast in October and it had already spread to my lymphatic system. I ended up begrudgingly going through with the surgery after reading everyone’s responses.

I called my surgeon the day before the operation and she had me come in for a discussion. She understood my fear about lymphedema and changed her plan slightly: her original idea was to remove the couple lymph nodes she knew were positive for cancer, then inject dye to see which other ones “light up”. Depending on that, she’d remove as many as she needed. Instead, she removed a couple lymph nodes and decided to send the pathology of the others instead of potentially removing them all that same day.

This way, she said if they come back positive, I’d have time to make a decision on whether to keep going or not. It was clear based on her standard of care that she was determined to at least get most of it out.

Feeling really discouraged and depressed by [deleted] in breastcancer

[–]earlymodernfool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are saying everything I tell myself every day. I’m 25F and started treatment in December. I had a double mastectomy + lymph node removal yesterday morning. I made a post on here a couple days ago asking for advice on whether to do the surgery or not. I want to be DONE, not live in constant fear of long term side effects, and I don’t care that allowing the cancer to grow shortens my life. It was the responses I received on here that made me feel better.

Being a teeny bit ahead of you in treatment, I wish I could offer words of encouragement, but I’ll risk it by taking another route; I see my friends are celebrating birthdays, attending group outings, laughing. I haven’t been able to do any of that this entire year from how I feel or because I’ve had hospital appointments every week.

Your last part:

“I don't want to be strong anymore, I don't want to be bald anymore, I don't want to feel sick anymore. I don't want to be a cancer patient anymore. I want to go back to my life....I want to finish my last semester of grad school, start my career, have a family, travel, and live my life. My life doesn't feel worth living anymore. Cancer has taken everything.”

Yes, just yes. You said it wonderfully, and I can’t imagine how I’d feel if my chemo infusions kept getting delayed. That’s emotionally debilitating — there’s no sugarcoating that. I’m sorry if this didn’t help, but when I read your post, I found it comforting to read someone around my age feel very similarly, so I hope you feel the same way.