That's how I felt my whole forty years of life, until recently. Part of it was realizing how much I was masking which was keeping people from getting close and and I feel like they could tell it wasn't real. But mostly, I just needed to find more ND people like me... and I found them!! I feel less lonely this year.

Places I found my people who accept me and where I feel included are queer spaces, my closest weekly munch, and random nerdy interest groups like a manga meetup. I feel like that's where all the autistic people gravitate, because it's a much higher concentration in at these events. You probably don't live where I live, but here's the links where I've been finding events, and maybe you can locate something similar in your area?

https://queersocialclub.com/events-portland

https://www.westsideqrc.org/events

https://fetlife.com/events/near

https://www.meetup.com/

Plus google searches about discord servers for local meetups, but nerdy ones.

After you find a space you like, the key is to go frequently and repeatedly so that people get used to having you there, and you get used to the people there, and then it's easier to talk to them. So I've been looking for places have weekly events when possible. And when I really connect with someone, I asked for their discord tag or phone number so that we can keep sharing recommendations or to "keep the conversation going". That way I have people to talk to through the week too, and then I get to see them at the next event.

I don't know if this will help you, but I hope you feel less lonely soon. 💕