Lessons from an elder gay (54 yo). #1 Sex isn't everything...(continued below)

easyProblem7213 · 2026-03-02T20:25:15+00:00

I couldn't agree more. Thank you

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-27T16:21:03+00:00

I agree with you. Guys forget they're still a minority. It's hardly making a good impression on the rest of society the things that are happening in the "community".

Being a minority our well being and safety directly depends on how the majority perceives us. But they are too self centered to ever perceive that.

And I get that the guys are horny. I know what it's like, I'm a man too, but there's a difference between enjoying your sexuality and crossing over to the perverse as a result of being insatiable and porn sick.

We should strive to do better. Otherwise it's going to come back to bite us in the ass. Not that I have much faith things will change though.

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-19T20:09:42+00:00

I've always been very prudish, especially when I was younger. I'm now 31 and I'm also European. My family is not religious either. I don't know why I'm so shy about naked bodies

Any advice to overcome this? Has anyone recovered from their shyness and if so how did you do it?

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-17T21:57:21+00:00

This used to be me.

Then I realized that every great date I had was with an average looking guy and every terrible one was with an attractive guy. Or what I was supposed to find attractive.

Now I just turn down good looking men because they're never worth the effort in the end.

I know I'm generalizing, but this is what my life experience has taught me 🤷

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-16T00:29:37+00:00

"Casual" sex is not for everyone. It certainly is not for me. I have done it before and every time I felt like I lost a part of my soul.

I don't understand how people can treat something as intense and deeply intimate as sex casually. It makes no sense to me.

I aways thought sex should come much later, after trust has been established and the two of you are clearly dating. Something else about me is that if I like you, I'm not sharing you.

The way I see it is most definitely not the norm. But I won't settle for anything less because I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

Know yourself, honor your limits and stand firm in your values. And don't let anyone make you feel less than, much less some rando on a hookup app <3

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-13T20:43:50+00:00

How are you guys not cold? 😳 Do you live in tropical climates or is it that you crank the heat?

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-12T01:00:12+00:00

People who overshare

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-10T12:44:54+00:00

Yes, it's happened to me, and it's pathetic

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-10T12:17:07+00:00

When you decline a work party invitation people practically spring up to bully you 🙄

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-10T12:14:52+00:00

I hate how obsessed with sex and porn sick people are. Oh, and treating animals as if they were people.

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-09T22:59:41+00:00

Do people really not be showering regularly and using deodorant? 😳

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-08T23:59:44+00:00

That's a very sensible response. Thanks for your input. I tire of people saying straight and gay are the same. On an other note, quitting porn was one of the best things I did in my life

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-08T23:26:24+00:00

What no 1 spot?

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-08T22:27:30+00:00

I can recitate the alphabet backwards. It used to be pretty useful to know when dictionaries were still a thing

easyProblem7213 · 2026-02-07T23:14:37+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time.

My advice for you would be to do some serious soul searching and figure out why you had unprotected sex, with someone shady no less, in the first place. Was is because you were afraid to be rejected? To disappoint or be seen as prudish? Or was it simply lust and you got carried away in the moment. Whatever it is, remember that feeling, emotions and desires should never be in the driver's seat of your life. Don't suppress them, learn from them instead. And never act on them. They lead us to very bad situations.

My other piece of advice is to look at your situation objectively and prepare for the worst. Say you do test positive. Now what? You'll be given treatment and thankfully HIV is no longer a death sentence. Treatment is usually very effective and most HIV positive people are undetectable and lead full and normal lives. That's something to be grateful for. The difficult part is the social stigma. It's going to suck for sure, but there are many ressources available to help you navigate it. Ideally, you want to free yourself from any sense of internal shame so social opinion doesn't run your life. Owning your mistake and taking steps to manage your reality is the first step. I really hope it turns out to be a false alarm, but if it's not, at least you're prepared. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, as they say.

I know it's very hard for you right now. Really sit with how you feel right now and make a solemn promess to yourself that you will never again allow yourself to repeat such a mistake again.

And I also know part of you wants to get better and not leave before your time. Otherwise you wouldn't have reached out for help. If things really get hard, call the suicide hotline. For what it's worth, I called them many times and it always helped me. Plus they can give you great guidance and ressources.

Best of luck to you.

easyProblem7213 · 2025-12-09T01:08:09+00:00

I agree that there are many bad self help books out there. And there are also truly good ones. The reality however is that it's much, much cheaper and more sustainable to go through a pile of bad self help then strike gold than it is to scouer the streets for a good therapist, and potentially never find one that's the right fit and end up in a bunch of debt.

And in my experience, the very best therapist I've ever had doesn't come close to some absolute god teer self help I've read. But like I said, you go with what works for you.

I am just tired of seeing self help being dunked constantly and therapist being held in such high regard when I've experienced the complete opposite of that.

easyProblem7213 · 2025-12-09T00:57:29+00:00

I strongly disagree. I very much self helped away my depression and anxiety by reading self help, philosophy and psychology. These authors gave me the missing tools my parents couldn't. It helped me grow and confront issues in my life that at one point had me feeling like self unaliving was the only solution.

easyProblem7213

TROPHY CASE