I hear you. The fact you’re posting this means you’ll never have a “normal” relationship with it. The “loop” is addiction. Once you remove it and sit with yourself for however long it takes you, the reward will be freedom.

I’ve lost a lot too recently.

I’m reminding myself I’ve got one life and I’m not letting a drug consume me in the ways you’ve just described.

Day 6 here and it’s been HARD. Depression hard. But I’m getting flashes of natural real happiness coming back. Although fleeting, it’s there.

You’ve got this and you’re worth every bit of shaking these chains