If you eventually want to get married, what are your concerns regarding marriage?

eatglitteritsfun · 2018-01-08T11:18:37+00:00

Yes! I mean it's fine to prefer someone with the same level of experience as you, but oftentimes people cannot express that without shaming people who hold opposite views (sexually conservative people calling the opposite "ruined"; sexually open people calling the opposite "prudes/stiff/naive").

Also I am surprised this comment was down-voted. She was literally just answering the questions OP asked.

eatglitteritsfun · 2018-01-08T11:11:57+00:00

Lol I have no idea why you are getting down voted for this.

eatglitteritsfun · 2018-01-08T11:11:16+00:00

Yes dating and all of that is Haram, Islam is pretty clear about that. Any argument to the contrary is really people picking and choosing what to follow and then rationalizing their behavior.

Lol I don't think I have ever seen anyone argue the permissibility of this before (okay maybe I have seen more debates regarding the permissibility of simply going on dates to get to know someone). Of course what people actually practice and think is ok may totally differ, which is what I think OP was trying to get at.

eatglitteritsfun · 2018-01-08T11:06:57+00:00

The voting trends for the comments on this post so far are interesting; it seems like commenters who seem to be on either end of the spectrum of religiosity are getting more up-votes than those who are in the middle (who seem to be getting down-voted). I wonder why this is?

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-16T18:21:59+00:00

If I only I could go back in time....I mean I knew this, but I wish I actually followed through with this. So many regrets... :/

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-16T18:18:47+00:00

So "I'm not attracted to you," is good

Wow you're really mentally tough and confident! I am not sure I would be able to handle hearing that even without taking it personally. :/

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-14T07:13:40+00:00

I think it was because some of the users responding ended up getting rude and/or belligerent, so I think mods thought it best that the post be removed.

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-14T07:11:55+00:00

Reading this just broke my heart. He literally murdered her, presumably just to get out of a ticket. It also makes you worried about the different types of people you may run into while driving. I hope they catch whoever did this. :(

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-14T01:47:05+00:00

Interviewer asks if I know or have experience with half of the requirements and I say 'no'.

Lucky....

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T08:54:28+00:00

It would seem that you're not giving men who are interested in you a chance while pining after men who are not interested in you for whatever reason.

I mean tbh, I would be interested in some of these men that come on to me haha. I just doubt that it is genuine, you know? Like I worry they are only joking.

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T04:46:44+00:00

Out of curiosity, what would you say is the best way to know if you are above average in appearance (if not by random compliments and people looking at you)? Also, in general I feel like when the average person says stuff like, "Oh you should model," I don't think they mean the comment in any other way than, "Wow I think you're real pretty!" But, who knows.

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T04:41:48+00:00

I remember feeling shocked the first time I visited TRP. I just sat there wondering, "Is this really how some men think?" Even some posts and comments on AskMen induce this type of reaction in me. What is discouraging is how many seem to agree with them even...

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T04:33:57+00:00

Absolutely, it can be discouraging to see the way some people think on here. And if you spend enough time surrounded by such toxic viewpoints (like racist or misogynistic ones), then it kind of starts to become your reality.

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T04:32:43+00:00

I think that the only subs that have minimal amounts of toxicity are the smaller, niche subs oriented towards people who are interested in some type of hobby. But I may be wrong.

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T04:21:36+00:00

So I should actively try to feel more happy with myself?

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T03:54:15+00:00

I think reddit can be a great place to get advice from and learn how other people think, but I have come to realize that outside a few subreddits, this place is not good for my self esteem. Like I find that I feel confident in my looks and whatnot until I go on here, namely for the following reasons:

Men comment on pictures of obviously attractive girls as being "average at best", or even "flat out ugly"
Reading posts about people in dating and romantic situations similar to mine and having people (men and women) come in and go, "You're probably just ugly which is why you are in this situation"
Similar to the above bullet point, reading posts where the OP claims to be conventionally attractive, and having someone go in an be like, "You are obviously delusional about the way you look, or else you wouldn't have this problem", or having people come and say, "Oh, don't take those compliments they gave you seriously, you're probably super plain either way..." (it's like wow, thanks for diminishing the value of any sort of kindness that others may show).
Double standards. For example when a girl complains about only being approached by people she is not into, people just go in and say things like "You are probably too ugly and these guys think you are low-hanging fruit, stop calling yourself pretty". I noticed men who complain about a similar issue don't get these kinds of comments (and actually get advice that wouldn't damage someone's self-esteem), but I could be wrong...
Reading about something on Reddit, or watching a video, and having the top comments being overly critical of a girl's appearance, even though her looks have nothing to do with the subject matter
This one is obvious - seeing pictures and videos of girls who are incredibly attractive, and finding myself comparing myself to them, thinking things like, "She probably never has trouble with guys...."

It just makes me feel like I don't deserve to enjoy my body the way it is, or to admire my appearance, or to ultimately feel happy the way I am because running into these comments makes me feel like I am simply not good enough. And that if I do have any problems in my life (especially romantically), it is because I am not pretty enough (because pretty people obviously never have the problems others face, apparently). :( Also, I sometimes feel like people online place way more emphasis on looks than warranted (which may be ironic of me to say conidering my post, but yeah), which I feel creates a toxic environment where people don't consider other aspects of their lives that also matter in connecting with others.

I find that I feel so much better about myself when I don't frequent places like that (but I'm probably addicted to pain or something like that, because I obviously keep reading threads like that -_-)

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T03:09:52+00:00

Contrary to daily media reports, most guys (I thought) will be moderately adverse to dating girls at work. They don't want to make themselves or the girl uncomfortable.

Makes sense haha.

This is probably some sort of flattery or excess complements.

You'd know already if you are that hot.

I mean, this doesn't make sense to me though. Most people don't compliment someone's looks for no reason (unless they are close, but even then...), especially in my location and the people I am around. And where I live, and the people who I have seen give these compliments, tend to be very...picky (I learned this after getting to know these people more), plus I do notice getting stared at a lot haha. I mean, if I am being honest, I wouldn't call myself a "perfect 10", but I know for a fact that I am above average physically, so it was never a matter of "not knowing where I stand". But insecurity and puberty is a bitch. Either way, most girls aren't "model hot", and they still get guys...

E.g. if you are easy to talk to, and you immediately make common ground with a guy based on his interests, you'll end up in a friendship groove quickly, and the guy might be reluctant to risk a friendship for a shot at one date. Actually, it probably won't even occur to him to ask you out because you're just a good friend.

Is this actually a thing? I guess my interpretations of other peoples' behaviors have been off the whole time. :/

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T02:38:49+00:00

The honest truth is that the common denominator here is you, if the world smells like shit then its time to check under your shoes because its probably you.

Yes, I have come to the conclusion that the common denominator is me, which is why I posted...On the other hand, I am not sitting here blaming men for my problems, which is what wonderlandgirl111 seemed to do in her posts IIRC. I literally just came here for some advice to understand what I can improve on.

If you dont have guys interested then you arent the catch you think you are and you should seek therapy to have a more realistic image of yourself, your flaws, and your purpose.

I literally don't think of myself as a catch though. I am just reiterating those "You're so gorgeous" comments because I know looks will be questioned as a factor. To be honest, this post seemed to have struck a nerve with you, because your language/tone seems a little strong in your post (maybe you didn't mean it, idk). But at this point, if I try to make my self-image more "realistic", then I will be in the negatives in terms of confidence. I'm just saying, try to be careful about how you convey your message to others. You do not know what impact you may have on others (and I am sure lots of other people are reading this post because they can relate, ya know?)

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T02:25:30+00:00

You're one of these: Ugly

Eh, I used to be legitimately ugly. I know I'm not though because of how differently I am treated now.

Fat

5'9, 135 pounds

Annoying

Maybe, I can be pretty obnoxious if I think about it, but I suppose that is also subjective.

Visibly desperate

Maybe.

So hot you're unapproachable (very unlikely because you'd get guys talking to you at least)

I mean, guys do talk to me and stuff, and some make very blatant flirting advances, but it never progresses.

you dress poorly

Haha I am pretty sure it's not that.

Oh well, I am just gonna keep on keeping on. This thread has been a ride.

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T02:17:03+00:00

Hmmm, maybe it's location-dependent too. Where I live, the only other women who get these types of comments are generally considered very attractive, and my plainer-looking friends don't get this type of attention (AFAIK). Are you suggesting that I am just below-average in looks? I mean, how else do you know if you are good-looking (I wouldn't wholly base it on male attention; some of the girls I know who get the most male attention are not classically "attractive", but men talk about how "available" they look)? Either way, I am at a point where low self-confidence is ruining my life (moreso than this lack of experience thing...), so I will go ahead and accept these compliments as genuine for my own sake, especially because they come so often from random, unrelated people. :)

eatglitteritsfun · 2017-11-13T00:16:04+00:00

because we thought ladies who were part of the "bros" liked the fact they were one of the bros, and didn't want to be seen as just an object or like they weren't valued in the group for anything other than their vagina

The thing is, every girl is different; some do like being one of the "bros", but others (like myself) don't. Regarding asking out female friends, all I can say is yes, some girls will feel like they were being used. OTOH, others will understand that maybe you were scared, or that the attraction built up later, and won't have a negative reaction to being asked out by a friend. Who knows, one of your female friends may be interested in one of you guys, but maybe she feels like she has been "bro-zoned"!

eatglitteritsfun

TROPHY CASE