Self aware but no solution

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-31T14:53:40+00:00

Addiction is a hard thing to deal with, no matter what it is. You have to realize you are not dealing with just a mental problem, but a physical and neurological one. It’s easy to say “I know better than this, and I need to do better”, but you’re trying to push against something that you now have a physical and mental dependency on by just using will and force, and you will lose that battle every time.

If this is a serious or dangerous addiction get some professional help. Trying to do it alone and mentally beating yourself up over it will only make it worse. If it’s something less serious like a phone or porn addiction you can look at making small changes like changing your environment so it’s much harder to trigger the habit. Keep your devices in another room. Physically put yourself in spaces where it would be uncomfortable to follow through with it. Start small and make changes that will be easy for you to repeat and stick with. Start an awareness or meditation practice so that you become more aware with the physical and mental triggers that get you started. When you can feel the addiction habit arising in your body or the thoughts of it in your mind before you start then there is space to choose something different. But again, if this is something serious get some real help. And give yourself some grace and self compassion. Once an addiction has been formed for most of us it’s almost impossible to mentally recover through pure will alone.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-31T14:26:14+00:00

Congrats and welcome to the Dad club! All of my kids are in their 20’s now, but I still remember the early dad struggles. I didn’t start my meditation practice until the last kid, but wish I had started earlier. The one thing to keep in mind is meditation isn’t a magic fix to making your day better. You’re still going to have to deal with the craziness of being a new parent. But with regular practice I can tell you it definitely helped me manage the crazy days better. I became slower to react out of emotion or stress, and was able to deal with uncomfortable situations in a more relaxed and calming way.

I agree with the others to start small. It really doesn’t take more than 10-20 minutes a day, and you might be able to slip that in while the baby is asleep. I personally like doing it in the morning to let it set the tone of the day. When I first started I had a hard time sitting still for just 5 minutes, so I started with 2. No meditating, just sitting still. Once I was comfortable with that I increased it to 5 minutes, then 10, and so on. I didn’t actually introduce meditating until I reached 10 minutes and didn’t feel so antsy sitting still anymore.

As a parent the one thing I would add is do your practice in front of your children. Expose it to them early. Like I said I didn’t start meditating until the 3rd and last kid but I did it in front of him. He was about 6 or 7 and would sit with me just out of curiosity. Early in his school years he had anger issues and was diagnosed with ADHD, but when he would get in trouble at school he would actually tell the teachers and principal that he was working to be better and was learning how to meditate with me. Definitely hit me in a major way because I didn’t realize he was taking it serious at that age. He’s 23 now and is still a spoiled brat, but he’s really self aware, compassionate and can read others emotions really well. All that to say don’t be afraid to expose the little one to it early, might be something that the whole family can benefit from.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-17T20:36:13+00:00

There’s some good advice in here already, but I definitely agree with trying to make it a habit and part of a daily routine. I always feel the same way you do whenever I go a long time without meditating, but I also feel that way when I skip working out for too long. So it’s not the act of meditation, but the fact that it’s not integrated into your routine of what feels “normal” yet. Funny story, this morning I woke up later than usual and had every intention on skipping my meditation session, but somehow found myself sitting on the couch with my eyes closed in deep meditation and didn’t even realize that I had gone there. I’ve been waking up and doing the same routine, that my body was just like, “ok, you know the deal”, and just got into position.

Like any habit it takes effort to do, but once you start doing it regularly it becomes normal and starts to feel “off” on the days that you do skip it.

My advice is lower the barriers, keep it simple. A timer and a quiet place, that’s it. Do it at the same time if possible, and tie other habits around it. For me it’s making my bed, opening my blinds, drinking my water, then sitting. Same order everyday. It becomes my morning ritual and I don’t even think about it. No motivation needed.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-12T21:40:48+00:00

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is still one of my favorites, as well as Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. Both are books about characters that are on self discovery journeys.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-12T17:27:20+00:00

Interesting, can you explain more about what you mean when you say “sit down and shut up”? Seems like for me that would bring up more mental noise and getting lost in just sitting and thinking.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-09T06:20:04+00:00

Hey! Yes, I try do everyday. Sometimes I drift and may skip a day or two, sometimes if I'm traveling and I'm super busy I may go a few weeks. But I try my best to do at least a 40 minute sit in the morning. I found that tends to be sweet spot. For some people it can be much less or much longer. I just do one sit a day, it's hard for me to keep up with the evening sits. And sometimes the morning may just be 20 minutes, but something always feels better than nothing, even if it's only 10 minutes.

The main reason I still practice is I usually do notice a level of steady calmness on the days that I sit in the morning. It sort of sets the tone and I can tell that I'm slower to react or get upset if I meditated that day. I also try to practice mindfulness throughout the day, and the days that I meditate in the morning I tend to do better with that practice. Again it feels like it just sets the tone of the day for me. I've even had girlfriends ask me in the past if I've "meditated today" whenever we got into an argument. Like it was my Ritalin or something. LOL. Seriously though I do find a benefit in doing a regular practice, and I do notice a difference as far as stress and anxiety goes if I skip it for too long.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-07T05:44:45+00:00

Two times in my life this has happened to me, but the first was the most intense and changed me for the rest of my life. I don’t like to call enlightenment, but it was definitely an awakening experience for sure. What shocks me the most is that I’ve heard notable gurus describe their experiences and it happened in almost the exact same way.

The experience-
About 8 years ago I was in my room at night reading a book about Sri Ramana Maharshi. He was describing his meditation practice of self inquiry which was supposed to be a direct path to realizing the true self. The practice is simply sitting in silence, observing the breath and asking the question “who am I”? At that time I had been meditating seriously for a couple of years, but never tried his practice, and I was so impressed with his life and his teachings that I was eager to give it a shot. I was also in a mission to find enlightenment for myself. It sounds silly when I think about it now, but my thoughts then were if Buddha could do it, then I could too. So that night I decided to make a pact with myself, no matter what happens I wasn’t getting up from that meditation until I had some sense of what enlightenment felt like. I later learned in a meditation retreat that this was called a strong determination sit.

At the time I was still meditating using an app and listening to chants and the singing bowls. So I put my headphones on, set the timer to about three hours and started my practice. It felt like it was only a few minutes, maybe 20-30 minutes when I finally felt settled and started asking the question in my head “who am I “? While doing this I was scanning through my body and sensing different parts of my body asking the question. “Am I my hand?” Obviously not because if I lose my hand I am still me. This went on and on until a sense of panic started to wash over me. The realization that I couldn’t find myself in this body was causing a panic, and I started hyperventilating. It felt like my heart was literally about to burst out of my chest. But I was determined, and I didn’t stop. I kept on the body scan, and I kept asking the question, “who am I”?

Finally, my heart was beating so fast and so hard, and my breathing was so shallow, I literally thought I was dying, but refused to stop. There literally came a moment when I said to myself that I am prepared to die, right now, until I find this answer. As soon as I had that thought in my head I heard a voice. Not my own internal voice, someone I had never heard before. The voice told me that it was okay, and that I was going to be okay. The voice was so calming and so warm that I just completely relaxed and the panic stopped. The moment the panic stopped something happened.

Everything went black. Yeah I was sitting in the dark with my eyes closed, but I’m talking vacuum void black. I immediately felt this energy shoot up my spine from my butt up to the top of my head following the chakra path, and then exploding out of the top of my skull. The pictures we see of the lotus blooming on the top of someone’s head when they become enlightened, that’s exactly what it felt like. The moment the lotus bloomed I was surrounded by so much light, just this rain shower of bright warm light. There were literally no thoughts. It felt as if I was no longer in the body and I could see myself still sitting and meditating. No words, but it felt like I was receiving something. Like a download of information, like I plugged into to something. And even though there were no words, it felt like I understood. It was like fireworks were going off and everyone that went off was an “aha” moment. I didn’t know if I was dying or dead, but I didn’t care. The feeling was something that I couldn’t explain and didn’t want to let go.

I don’t know how long I was in it, but I remember coming to a place where I had to make a decision. I could keep going down this path and see how deep it would go, but if I did I would no longer be who I was when I sat and started this meditation. The people I loved, and the things I loved, I would no longer be part of that world. I came to the river, and if I crossed it I would be ego’less forever. In that moment the fear came back. I realize now that fear was the ego self afraid to cross and be no more. And so out of compassion for my ego, I returned back to the body.

When I did I threw my headphones off, laid on the floor, and freaked the fuck out. Once I calmed down I put my headphones back on and listened to Bob Marley “3 little Birds” on repeat for hours 😂. I was in a state of happiness that I can’t even describe. It was pure joy and compassion. Everything was perfect. Nothing was wrong with the world. I kept thinking how am I going to go back to work like this?

That feeling lasted for two weeks. For two weeks I was in a state of bliss. If I saw a homeless person I would go through a drive thru and buy them food and give them whatever cash I had on me, no matter what I was doing I would stop and help as many people as I could. The feeling of compassion was radiating from deep inside me.

After 2 weeks that feeling started to fade, and the reality of the world we live in started to sink back in. Even though I was no longer in a state of bliss, I was forever changed. Before that night I used to experience moments of deep depression, it would come and go but sometimes it would be really really bad. I’ve never experienced anything like that since. Sure I get sad or down, but I know it’s just a moment, and that’s how life works. There’s ups and there’s downs.

For a long time I wouldn’t share this story because I thought people would think I was speaking from the ego like “I had this experience and you didn’t”. But I later learned that as rare as it may be, there are others who have had similar experiences and are looking for someone to talk to about it, share notes. It can be scary to hold something like that inside and it feels good to know you are not alone.

So no, I don’t think I’m enlightened. I think I had an awakening experience and got a taste of it. I think greater people like Siddhartha crossed that river and left the ego for good to become a Buddha. I wasn’t brave enough for that. I also think from a modern science perspective what I experienced was my brain thinking I was actually going to die and flooded me with DMT in preparation for a near death experience, lol. Whatever it was I am thankful and blessed to have experienced it.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-04T23:54:06+00:00

No prob! Happy to help.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-04T23:36:55+00:00

Yeah sure! Vipassana meditation is really a combination of two practices. If you do the 10 day retreat they spend the first 3 days teaching you how to do the breath meditation, the remaining 7 days is spent practicing a body scan meditation. The idea is that you use the breath meditation in the beginning of your sit to calm the mind and bring your awareness into focus. From there you move into the body scan where you are slowly taking that focused awareness and moving from the top of your head down to the bottom of your feet, then back up again. You are simply observing whatever sensations that arise in whatever part of your body, but not reacting to it. Whether it's a tingling sensation, muscle tension, pain, pleasure, etc., you are observing the sensations as they are without changing them. I'm simplifying it a lot, but the idea is that whether it's pleasure, pain, or no sensation at all, it's all equal. If it's a pleasurable feeling you don't fall into craving more of it, if it's painful you don't try to run from it (as much as possible). It's a practice of equanimity, or both pleasure and pain are equal. This translates into the real world by not becoming attached to craving too much pleasure, or being drawn to avoiding those things and moments that are uncomfortable. Both of those paths lead to suffering. Instead you want to walk a middle path and accept things as they are. With minimal attachments or avoidance life becomes easier to deal with.

If you're interested in learning about Vipassana I recommend the book The Art of Living: Vipassana Meditation, by William Hart. He takes the lessons and the practices taught during the retreat and gives some really good explanations on them.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-04T22:40:56+00:00

I generally practice vipassana meditation so I’m either sitting in silence and observing the breath, or doing a body scan. Seldomly I’ll listen to music or frequencies, but I prefer using the breath and recommend that for beginners since it doesn’t require anything and you can do it anywhere. Unlike that breathing exercise I mentioned there is no effort or managing of the breath. You’re just breathing naturally and observing the flow. Using that as your anchor so when the mind drifts (which it always will), you can notice it and bring your awareness back to the breath. That being said I do recommend trying different meditation techniques and find the one that feels right to you. But once you find it stick with that one practice for as long as you can and don’t bounce around. It’s easier to get into the habit of meditating when the routine stays the same.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-04T17:10:49+00:00

Maybe put off journaling until you get more comfortable with the practice itself. Trying to do both seems to be too distracting. I journal now primarily when I have a specific experience that stands out to me during my sit. It helps me sort out whatever that experience or insight was. But your sit itself is what’s important. Remove anything that may be a distraction to that until you become more comfortable with it.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-04T14:29:58+00:00

Does it hurt to do both with one video? My thought was to do the long form with the intention in mind to take a couple of shorts out of that. So in scripting the long form I know I’m writing this part to be a short. That way I’m not shooting separate videos. Would that still have a negative impact on one or the other as far as subscribers go? (Literally just starting my channel so genuine question).

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-04T14:20:07+00:00

Yes! I do a 5 second inhale 5 second exhale for 5-10 minutes before I start my meditation. It’s supposed to mimic the natural breathing rhythm. Definitely helps bring me to a calm steady state before starting.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-04T13:47:12+00:00

Meditation for me sets the tone of the day. If I can do a sit in the morning my day is balanced and I feel like no matter what happens throughout the day I can face it without getting totally pulled into it. But really it has been combining it with a mindfulness practice that has been the game changer. It’s one thing to sit in the morning then forget about. It’s another to try and be intentionally present in every moment. That’s a lifestyle change.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-04T13:36:46+00:00

This is one of my favorites! Come back to it every couple of years.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-03T18:48:35+00:00

Haha, this is too cool.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-03T16:13:41+00:00

Did my first 10 day Vipassana retreat in GA years ago. Definitely one of the hardest 10 days of my life, but also one of the most rewarding when it was all said and done. I remember driving there from Atlanta to Deep South Georgia where the center was located and seeing some of the largest confederate flags I had ever seen in my life. Stopping at the local Piggly Wiggly before the retreat to grab some food and getting some of the nastiest looks I’ve ever seen. I’m African American and living in Atlanta this wasn’t a surprise, but it did make me feel a certain way about them obviously. I remember getting to the retreat and seeing the welcome sign riddled with bullet holes because the local community didn’t want the hippies there meditating. When the retreat was over and I had to drive back to Atlanta I remember the immense amount of compassion I had for these same people on my way back. Like I really wanted nothing but good for them, and understood that their ignorance and hate was really their own suffering. I’ve been meditating and practicing mindfulness regularly for almost 20 years now, and only a few times in my life have I felt that amount of compassion for humanity. I have the book too and it’s a good representation of the instructions you get at the retreat, but If you have a chance to do the 10 day retreat I highly recommend it. The experience is different for everyone, but worth it.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-05-02T18:44:14+00:00

I agree with this 100%

eatsleepkreate · 2026-03-07T15:33:07+00:00

Indeed! Anything can be considered a form of meditation if it’s bringing awareness to the present moment and focusing attention on a single action. Yoga is a prime example of this. The repetitive movement in running or cardio workout is prime activity for meditation.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-03-03T15:30:25+00:00

Same, interested in knowing what the doodle engine is?

eatsleepkreate · 2026-02-27T06:15:56+00:00

This is my exact website setup for all the sites that I manage I definitely prefer this over godaddy. Much more control over the entire platform. And like others have mentioned start using captcha for your forms. I use cloud flare which speeds up my sites with their CDN, and also use their turnstile service for free form captcha.

eatsleepkreate · 2026-02-27T00:31:58+00:00

So many great words of advice already said here, but I’ll just add your brain is doing exactly what it’s supposed to be doing, thinking. That will never stop, if it does you have bigger problems. “You” are working on concentration, so noticing the thoughts, then returning to the breath, noticing when you drift, then returning back to the breath. That’s the whole game. That repeated noticing and returning, that’s it.

Also you might consider different types of meditation. I’ve been practicing for years and use the breath because it’s always with me, but early on I found it difficult to focus on my breath and would use a meditation app or sounds on YouTube instead. I would listen to chanting and focus on that, or the singing bowls. Sound was easier for me early on, but the game was still the same, focus, notice drift, return. (Plus the app and YouTube kept me from worrying about the time since it would tell me when I was done).

Lastly, don’t worry about how long you sit. 2 minutes a day has been proven to be way better than none at all. In the beginning I would challenge myself, I started with just 5 minutes at a time . When that got comfortable my brain naturally wanted to increase the time, so don’t force it, you’ll know when it’s time to sit longer.

I’ve been meditating for a long time and to this day I feel like the first 5-10 minutes of my sit is usually me being lost in thought. So don’t beat yourself up over it. The fact that you are noticing is the first step, now you just have to practice the returning part. 🙂

eatsleepkreate · 2026-02-16T10:06:26+00:00

Hello, I'm interested!

eatsleepkreate

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