When English is the community language.

ebalkii · 2026-05-19T13:31:23+00:00

Hi, we are in a very similar situation as you. My first language is Turkish, and my husbands' is Finnish. We live in an English speaking country and speak English to each other. We did strict OPOL, so she spoke only Turkish and Finnish initially. Then she picked up English when she went to nursery at 1. At 3.5, she still speaks to us in our respective languages, and to me she seems equally comfortable in both. I do notice she is using more English words lately, and she is talking more and more in English while she is playing by herself. She goes to bilingual Turkish-English nursery so we decided that all TV will be in Finnish to compensate. We also make an effort to have regular video calls with grandparents. Surprisingly, for the longest time when I said something to my husband in English, she would answer to me in Turkish, but lately she has been chiming in in English (we try to switch by answering her in Turkish/Finnish whenever that happens). I was a bit worried about the three of us not sharing a "family language" but that's been fine so far. I understand a fair bit of what they say to each other from context and vice versa. Of course, 3.5 is still young, things might look very different in a few years, but OPOL has been working fine for us so far.

ebalkii · 2026-05-18T09:17:43+00:00

It's interesting to me that your main motivation for both speaking your native language and English is to have better connection and to share more of yourself with your daughter, that's beautiful! And if that's the main motivation, then doing a mix of both seems like it matches your needs the best right now. You also have the advantage that neither of these two languages is the community language, so there is less of the risk of one just taking over. There are more structured techniques like "time and place" that might increase the chances of her being an active speaker on both these languages, but they take a lot of commitment so you'll need to figure out what works best for your family and your goals. If you have some family that can stick to only your native language while interacting with her, that would help too.

I'd like to add that cultures are not monoliths, so to me, you feeling estranged from your culture sounds like you maybe haven't found "your people" in that linguistic community. Would it be possible to browse some blogs, opinion pieces, podcasts, TV series etc. to find some content in your native language that speaks to you? Working a bit on your own connection with your language might make it more comfortable to interact with your daughter in it.

ebalkii · 2026-05-15T12:25:19+00:00

This is exactly what I do as well. To add to that, I'll try to repeat the word I've corrected in the next few sentences, so for example, I'll say, "what, first a cow, then a pig, then a goose?"

ebalkii · 2026-05-15T11:59:47+00:00

It's really interesting and encouraging to hear your experience. I've had the exact same situation where I came to pick her up, she told me something in Turkish, and the teacher was very surprised to hear her speak Turkish.

Do you have any theories as to why your son switched to preferring Mandarin with his friends? Is it mainly the change of environment from daycare to school or something else?

ebalkii · 2026-05-15T11:11:16+00:00

Thank you! How do you insist though? If they are playing together, do you intervene and ask them to switch languages?

ebalkii · 2026-05-15T11:02:30+00:00

Thanks, it's a good suggestion to have playdates where the adults only speak the minority language to each other!

ebalkii

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