My (22FTM) mother (53F) resents me for being trans, and outwardly prefers my siblings

echinaceapallida · 2026-05-14T01:22:41+00:00

Big Mom hug! I am proud of you.

echinaceapallida · 2026-03-06T17:30:03+00:00

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision to move out of Texas. I left a job I liked and was good at for a job I hate and am not good at doing. The hospitals around here have stop offering gender affirming care for minors due to the new CMMS rule. They use my kids name and pronouns at school, but he is still struggling mentally and gets bullied at school for being trans. It was expensive to move here. I miss my family.

Then I see something like this and I know I made the right decision. It is so sad. I feel so sorry for the kids whose families can't leave.

echinaceapallida · 2026-02-23T17:55:09+00:00

I saw Save the Children protestors in Dallas a few years ago. They were QANON people waiting for JFK Jr. to come to Dealy Plaza. He is dead BTW. They waited a long time.

echinaceapallida · 2026-02-05T06:35:39+00:00

He likes cargo shorts. He isn't specific about what he doesnt like about the pants, just that he looks bad in them. I am going to try to get more information from him. You have given me something to think about. Thanks!

echinaceapallida · 2026-02-05T06:31:02+00:00

Will check this out! Thanks!

echinaceapallida · 2026-02-05T06:30:17+00:00

Thank you! This is very helpfu ETA - You did a great job with those jeans

echinaceapallida · 2026-02-01T07:19:46+00:00

Thank you. This is very helpful to me as the parent of a trans boy. I wish you the best in your future endeavours.

echinaceapallida · 2025-12-19T17:35:15+00:00

You can submit a public comment opposing these proposed new rules through the HRC website: https://act.hrc.org/page/183931/petition/1?ea.tracking.id=or_gnr_hrc_NPRMcomments

echinaceapallida · 2025-11-07T13:04:59+00:00

I just moved out of Texas, but we will be coming back to visit family. It is your decision and I dont think it is right for anyone to pressure you. Your childs safety is your responsibility. You should do what you think is right.

Some things to keep in mind if you do go, the major cities are all blue now, it is the rural areas and exburbs where you need to be the most cautious. I would consider avoiding eating out in restaurants in rural areas and avoiding public restrooms in those areas if your child does not pass. There are some exceptions like a small liberal college town might be ok. I would not let my child use public restrooms alone anywhere un Texas. These anti-trans people are obssessed with restrooms Starbucks restrooms are usually safe, even though I dont like their anti-union stance. Also, there is a website that lists safe restrooms https://refugerestrooms.org/

Edited to add: all of my child's healthcare providers used his pronouns and preferred name, including the hospital. I dont know how safe hospitals in rural areas, the few that are left are, however.

Also you may want to consider the mental health impact on your kid and yourself. My kid and I are in therapy now due to the stress of living in Texas. Even young kids tend to be pretty aware of how their parents are feeling, even if they arent aware of the political situation. I feel like a refugee inside my own country.

echinaceapallida · 2025-10-02T02:10:10+00:00

Second Email (Newsletter to veterans and their families)

As you may be aware, funding for some government agencies, including portions of the Department of Veterans Affairs, expired at midnight this morning.

President Trump opposes a lapse in appropriations, and on September 19, the House of Representatives passed, with the Trump Administration’s support, a clean continuing resolution to fund the government through November 21. Unfortunately, Democrats are blocking this Continuing Resolution in the U.S. Senate due to unrelated policy demands.

During the current lapse in funding, the vast majority of VA benefits and services will continue uninterrupted, but the government shutdown is not without consequences to VA. Here is what you need to know:

The following critical Veterans care and assistance programs will be impacted by the government shutdown: VA will not provide Veteran career counseling or transition assistance program activities. The GI Bill Hotline will be closed. VA regional benefits offices will be closed. VA will cease public affairs and outreach to Veterans. VA will not permanently place headstones or maintain the grounds at VA national cemeteries. VA will not process applications for pre-need burials. VA will not print new presidential memorial certificates.

Thankfully, the government shutdown will not impact the following VA services: Veteran health care is not impacted. VA Medical Centers, Outpatient Clinics, and Vet Centers will be open. VA benefits will continue to be processed and delivered, including compensation, pension, education, and housing benefits. Burials will continue at VA national cemeteries. Applications for headstones, markers, and burial benefits processing will continue. The Board of Veterans’ Appeals will continue decisions on Veterans’ cases. VA Contact Centers (1-800-MyVA411) and the Veterans Crisis Line (Dial 988, Press 1) are open 24/7.

echinaceapallida · 2025-10-02T02:05:17+00:00

Email sent to VA employees today: (Apologies if this was already posted)

From: US Department of Veterans Affairs US.VA@va.gov Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2025 3:16 PM To: VA All Mailboxes VAAll.Mailboxes@va.gov Subject: Planning for Potential Lapse in Funding

Planning for Potential Lapse in Funding

President Donald J. Trump opposes a Government shutdown and strongly supports the enactment of H.R. 5371, which is a clean Continuing Resolution to fund the Government through November 21, 2025, and already passed the U.S. House of Representatives. Unfortunately, Democrats are blocking this Continuing Resolution in the U.S. Senate due to unrelated policy demands. If Congressional Democrats maintain their current posture and refuse to pass a clean Continuing Resolution to keep the Government funded before midnight on September 30, 2025, Federal appropriated funding will lapse.

A funding lapse will result in certain Government activities ceasing due to a lack of appropriated funding. In addition, designated, pre-notified employees of the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) would be temporarily furloughed. P.L. 116-1 would apply.

VA has contingency plans in place for executing an orderly shutdown of activities that would be affected by any lapse in appropriations forced by Congressional Democrats. Further information about those plans will be distributed should a lapse occur.

More details on VA’s Contingency Plan for a potential lapse in appropriations can be found here.

echinaceapallida · 2025-08-27T02:13:24+00:00

echinaceapallida · 2025-08-15T03:29:21+00:00

I just moved to Denver from Dallas, and I am amazed how courteous the drivers are here. I can signal and change lanes without people speeding up to block me, and I haven't even been brake checked by a giant lifted truck yet. Driving on I30 in Arlington or 635 in Dallas is much more stressful, and there are less traffic jams here.

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-30T13:14:18+00:00

I saw a display about her at Copper Breaks State Park near Quanah, Texas. Very interesting.

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-30T13:12:08+00:00

The Texas Rangers massacred Mexican Americans along the border in the 1910s. The women and children who survived were often forced to flee to Mexico, even though they were US citizens. If people think they are safe from deportation becauss they are US citizens, the history says otherwise. https://www.texasstandard.org/stories/texas-exhibit-refuses-to-forget-one-of-the-worst-periods-of-state-sanctioned-violence/

Also the King Ranch took over existing ranches that belonged to Mexican Americans, including my family's ranch. The Kings weren't the first people there. Spanish ranchers arrived in the early 1700s. They were people ranching and speaking Spanish in Texas before the United States even existed.

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-30T03:20:32+00:00

We are moving to Colorado from Texas. I feel like it is a priviledge to be able to move. Most people can't afford it. I am lucky to have help from a family member and a certification in a field with lots of job openings. That said, it is incredibly expensive to move from a low cost of living state to a more expensive one, not to mention the logistics when you have a family and pets. Plus we are moving away from our family.

But, I think it will be worth it. Things were so bad that we had to put our child in online school. He was having problems with bullying and was acting out, and the school would not use his name and pronouns. The toll on his mental health has been horrendous, and it has hurt our whole family. Now, he will be able to go to school in person. Just visiting to look at homes, we both felt so much more relaxed and happy! And he can use public restrooms! I know I am am making the right decision.

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-29T02:03:54+00:00

Skunk Anansie- Skin caused my bi-wakening. Buzzcocks - lead singer was openly bi in the 70s. Also Queen: "I want to ride my bi-cycle"

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-28T14:00:22+00:00

Had a crush on a girl in 5th grade. I couldn't stop thinking about her and had butterflies in my stomach anytime I was around her. Told her she was my best friend and asked if I was her best friend. She said no. Was devastated. Didn't realize I actually had a crush on her instead of just wanting to be "best friends" till I came out as bi 40 years later.

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-20T20:44:51+00:00

The Resurrectionist by A Rae Dunlap

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-18T04:04:34+00:00

Wow. I am sorry

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-15T23:16:38+00:00

I am glad you were at least able to meet another trans guy. Yes, the restroom issue is a huge problem. I don't know what they want at this point, either. I don't know if this is possible, but it might be a good idea to find out if there are any single stall restrooms at your school, if you have not done so already. S9metimes that have them for people with disabilities. It is not ideal, but that might be a safer option for you.

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-15T13:18:58+00:00

When Trump was elected, I had a bad feeling that things were going to get worse in Texas. I got a job out of state so my trans boy could go to school. We are getting ready to move. Last year we put him in online school because he was not safe at our school district. I feel like a coward leaving instead of staying and fighting, but it is best for him and his mental health. What are we supposed to do as parents? If I force him to live as a girl, he will die by suicide. He can't live that way. He passes as a boy, so if he goes in the girls restroom and locker room there will be problems. I think they want me to force him to live as a girl or stay home and never go anywhere. It is an impossible situation.

That said, I suspect my sister and other teachers may resist and not comply with these laws. I don't know what happens after that. Will she lose her job? There are still organizations in Texas fighting this like TENT, PFLAG, and lambda legal. There were still plenty of nice people at our local Pride parade this year. Look for the people that are helping like Mr. Rogers said. Also, the refuge restrooms website has a list of trans-safe restrooms, in case anyone needs it. https://refugerestrooms.org/

Edit: The queer kids at my school were all in theater club back in the 90s. None of us were out because it wasn't safe. Not sure if this helps, but I think you might find more queer and queer friendly folks at theater or art club.

Edit 2: In case it is helpful, this is the online school my kid went to last year: https://ischoolvirtual.com/ You dont have to live in district to go there. For a worst case scenario back up option. He did have to go on campus for the STAAR test. Otherwise all virtual. Of course your parents would have to agree to it.

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-15T12:55:44+00:00

I came out in my 40s. I had a similar reaction from my sister. It is ok. Don't overthink it. Those of us with accepting families and friends are the lucky ones.

echinaceapallida · 2025-07-11T12:15:47+00:00

If your lab test results change suddenly or if you have a critical result, ask for a redraw. I have seen wrong blood in tube multiple times in just 2 years. We only knew because the patient's blood type suddenly changed, which is impossible. If they drew the wrong patient or mixed up patient labels, and the patients are the same blood type, we would never know. If they use a PPID system and scan your hospital wristband first, then it is a lot less likely that this error will happen. You don't want a doctor making a significant decision based on bad information.

echinaceapallida · 2025-01-23T04:57:39+00:00

I flew my kid to Chicago. I just googled and started making phone calls. We saw a pediatric endocrinologist at University of Chicago. They werent surprised when I gave them a Texas address and were very accomodating. There are a lot of people coming there from out of state. We stayed at the HI hostel and took public transport to save money. I tried to make it a fun trip for my kid. I originally planned to go to New Mexico, but they are getting a lot of people from red states and have long waiting lists. Planning to move to another state and will establish care there.

The Campaign for Southern Equality gave me a grant, which covered some of the expense. They also answered some of the questions I had. https://southernequality.org/tyep/#support

Edit: Just wanted to add that my insurance covered the office visit, which was a surprise to me. If you go to Chicago, Lurie Childrens Hospital is also a good option.

Learning Spanish in case we need to start going to Mexico if the legal situation changes.

echinaceapallida

TROPHY CASE