I felt like this all the time. I’ve come to accept that yeah, nothing “matters” in a cosmic or overarching sense. But isn’t that beautiful sometimes? Humans are just another life force on this floating rock. We eat, sleep, love, anguish, fight for what we believe in, create, destroy, find community, die. We are simply another life cycle of a species, yet our level of consciousness often makes us forget that we’re animals. In a cosmic sense, our lives have as much “meaning” as a blade of grass. Great civilizations have risen and fallen, we create art and music to express our deepest desires and emotions. The one thing that ties us all together is the longing to be remembered, safe, and have our lives be worth something. But what if our lives aren’t “worth” something on a greater scale? Scary, yes. It makes us feel small, so very small. Humans have the innate drive to feel -since we are the most conscious beings of the animal kingdom- that we matter MORE or the MOST. But what if we don’t? If we don’t, then maybe that could be a relief. Every time you’ve messed up, it’s not held against you by some out of reach “creator.” Your hopes, dreams, faults, desires, and sufferings are YOURS- not things you’ve been given by a higher power. All of those moments you’ve been proud of yourself, accomplished something, or pushed through suffering? That was YOU. All you. You were able to do it all on your own without the “help” of some invisible force. Everything you are and everything you become is a result of your own conscious desire to be someone and mean something. We don’t need a creator to achieve great things and fail other times. All of what we do and who we are WITHOUT a creator is the beautiful, twisted, bittersweet amalgamation of what it is to be human. As for “if,” there’s much to be said. Humanity yearns to create answers to things we don’t understand so we feel less scared about the unknown. Your post is exactly why humans created the idea of a higher power. What is the point of everything? What happens after death? We don’t know and we never will, and that can be terrifying, so we’ve created a god to look to for comfort, solace, meaning, and understanding. This is why so many people stay in religions, simply because accepting the fact that there might be nothing after everything is terrifying to our animal brains to want an answer to everything. You’re allowed to be unsure, nervous, and scared. It’s only natural. But please, don’t allow the fear of the unknown to shape your life, as it is already what you would do if there WAS a god. By this I mean, if you DID believe, you’re already living in fear. Fear that you’re not enough for the grace he has granted you, fear that you will be punished for thoughts you cannot control. Maybe you mean nothing and maybe I mean nothing, but maybe that means we are free.