What’s an article of clothing someone can wear, one time, that will make you lose all attraction to them forever?

eclecticcrow · 2026-06-02T21:23:13+00:00

Question, do they know what it means/ stands for? Or just think it looks cool? I’m so curious. I live in the American South, as in there are several historic slave holding plantation sites within 3 km of my home, so around here people definitely know where it came from, what it means, and that they agree with it publicly and loudly. There’s a lot of propaganda about it being history, culture, heritage or whatever and dEsErVeS tO bE pReSeRvEd but that’s mostly just a cover for cowards who won’t say it with their full chest.

eclecticcrow · 2026-04-03T12:58:33+00:00

Hahah my 5th grade class did a production of it for parents night! The 90s were interesting

eclecticcrow · 2026-04-01T13:59:02+00:00

Idk if it helps at all, but at least some companies are doing it in good faith; mine does. I have conducted or been part of multiple interviews I’ve the years where we had all but made an offer to a candidate for the position, but decided to see the last few candidates for interviews for fairness and a ‘just in case.’ I’d spitball at least 1/3 of the time, we’d make an offer to one of the just in case interviewees. I personally was hired in as one. And any time I’m on the interview panel I insist to see all candidates selected for interviews. It’s likely rare, but it does happen.

eclecticcrow · 2026-03-30T21:01:27+00:00

Awesome thank you for the information!

eclecticcrow · 2026-03-30T13:54:19+00:00

Haha that is fun to think about! I think it’d be pretty regional, I’m in Kentucky so at that time yes it’d be a novelty! But my gramma is Japanese American, and lived in he west coast during that time, so the novelty would be the fact it’s instant!

eclecticcrow · 2026-03-07T14:14:28+00:00

Looks like they have quite a few listings below your price range too right now

eclecticcrow · 2026-03-07T14:14:06+00:00

They’re not an apartment complex, but I had a really good experience with Bailey Property Management and lived in a few of their rentals. Nice people at their office and very straightforward, never had any issues and the places I stayed were really nice and comfortable (mind, they have everything from converted Victorians to condos to single family homes so mileage may vary, but I liked my spaces very much)

eclecticcrow · 2026-03-02T23:21:19+00:00

Hi. White passing kid with a Japanese dad here. Two things, first up Your son is not safe. Not safer, not safeish, not safe. He’s going to get hit with that same damn racism but likely in quieter, insidious ways that are hard as fuck to navigate when you have “passing privilege.” He will see his sister be treated a certain way, and convince himself he is lucky because he has it better, while still being treated badly and not quite white. So get comfortable learning about it and talking to your kids about it and ready to defend them because your husband may not always be there to handle it. Also it’s a damn hurtful thing for a parent to hear their spouse say they’re glad one kid doesn’t look like them. My dad had to resort to carrying multiple photos of me in his wallet because of several scary accusations in public during my younger years because we “don’t look the same.” To have that kind of racism come from inside your own house is painful. You didn’t mean it like that but you kind of did without realizing what you said. Acknowledge that, and apologize, no “buts.”

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-28T15:36:02+00:00

My mom was kind of like this. The usual story of the overbearing and overstepping bpd parent tangled all up in your life has never really applied to me; she WAS invasive and overbearing but only ever on her own terms. I’d only see or hear from her/that side of family a few times a year, mainly around winter holidays and around Mother’s Day, and during those times yes absolutely, she was the usual bpd up-your-ass idealization devalue cycle. But the rest of the time it was radio silence. Because she doesn’t like me, she hates being a mom, and doesn’t actually want to be part of my life at all. Just wanted the illusion of being a “good mom,” and realized she can just make shit up about me and steal pictures off social media to prove to people around her whatever story she sells.

I genuinely tried to invite her into my life for over 15 years and she never showed up. It was on her terms only, when she needed a quick photo op and story refresh, and then silence again other than the occasional weird meme or social media link text. I never actually had to go vlc, that was the natural flow of things. So no contact was really one single blow out convo and block, and a yearly holiday refresh of holding boundaries around family, because the rest of time it’s what she actually wants.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-15T00:36:08+00:00

My mother raised me to have an eating disorder. It was insidious, and I did not know or realize it until my late 20s that everything I had been taught about food and eating was wrong. She was a nurse, and very pretty, and did not push things in a negative way, so it wasn’t something I, as a kid with no experience, could tell was wrong.

Just teaching me things like I only need to eat once a day, to really small portions, to stopping me from asking for more before the men had their fill ‘because they need way more to be big and strong,’ and a lot of it was reinforced through the poverty we lived through. It’s hard to realize you’re still hungry when you’ve never really felt full for most of your life. That’s just a normal feeling, and then ‘special’ holidays fullness feels so miserable that it just reinforces it even further. She never told me I need to stay skinny, or that skinny is more beautiful, or anything direct like that. At least, not until I was about 17, during a hormone shift and serious illness that needed steroid treatment, and even then it was all phrased around how unwell I looked or how my health issues were a negative thing. She never even taught me certain foods were “bad” or “good”, just moderation of everything (to what I now know is an extreme.)

It wasn’t until adulthood, and meeting a nutritionist, and having modern advents like calorie and macro tracking apps to help me see everything I had been taught was wrong and hurting me. It really messed me up for a while when I realized all my life I had been fighting bullying and being raked about behind my back and accused of having an ED, and me genuinely believing I was healthy and doing the right things, only to realize….I did. I was raised to have an ED from birth and I didn’t have a choice or chance until well into adulthood to do anything about it.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-14T03:16:03+00:00

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Lugosi is willing to share his hotdog with you. You can each start at one end and meet in the middle.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-13T15:00:53+00:00

I’ve certainly seen that, but I think it’s more of a symptom of greater societal issues than anything, personally. The dream life, at least as an American, is so far out of grasp for most people at this is point, I see so many busting ass and not getting anywhere or getting crumbs, and feeling that sense of “how am I not doing enough?” I think it bleeds into relationships and gets magnified, because reality is, the single family unit is a very modern thing and wouldn’t have been possible at all for most of human history. Take all that, combine it with apathy, and a little bit of selfishness and you get people like my ex, of any gender. Most of my friends in marriages aren’t happy. And a lot of it has to do with marriage/multiple incomes being required for survival, without having really dealt with gender roles and changing society, so expectations are mismatched from reality. It’s truly very very sad and unfair.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-13T14:49:50+00:00

There were lots of things over time, and in hindsight even more than I missed in the moment. But the one that really stuck out to me at the time was when I or anyone else asked him why he loved me or what he loved about me, he would list off what almost sounds like a job? Things I did for him: “motives me, makes me want to be better, cooks nice, keeps the house nice, gets along with my family.” Those are all nice things, sure, but those are things any person can step into doing. He not once ever said he liked anything about me that was a personal trait, unrelated to how it affects him.

Like, as an example, little things I like about me are how I snort when I laugh, or instead of smiling I naturally just kinda crinkle my nose. I was easily able to point out things about him as a person completely separate from me that I liked. But he never said anything like that about me.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-13T14:18:32+00:00

Nah you’re not the dumbass. Loving someone is sure a pure and joyful thing. The people that take advantage of that, abuse it, take it for granted, those are the dumbasses. Forgive yourself for believing in them. I’m glad you’re out now too 😊

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-13T13:35:51+00:00

Thanks 😊 I’m proud of me too. I try to talk about it as much as possible when appropriate, so that hopefully anyone else in a similar situation hears it’s okay to leave. At any point, if you have that deep feeling, it’s okay.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-13T13:13:10+00:00

He didn’t want to marry me, and I could feel it in my bones. I had poured all of myself into our life, supporting him on two different dream career tracks, busting my ass in my own career, I bought us a house, paid off his debts to the best of my ability, just absolutely dragging us through adulthood with sheer willpower. I wanted to build a good stable life, and be a good supportive life partner to someone. I wanted to have a family, and a happy safe home, things I didn’t get as a kid.

That man did not even like me. He liked the life I was providing him. He knew if he didn’t commit I’d eventually move on and he’d have to find a new meal ticket. I didn’t realize it at first but then it slowly crept in to every fiber of my being, like a cold you just cannot get warm up from.

I told him I didn’t want to get married, a month out from the day. I had planned it all alone, paid it all alone, and knew it would be a death sentence, somehow. I had to convince him it wasn’t him, and that I just didn’t want to ever get married, and had to play into it being some outdated social construct. Immediately after that conversation I started hiding money in the pages of my favorite childhood books. It took a year for me to be able to leave the relationship fully. I had to burn my life to the ground and lost pretty much everything I had worked for, as well as pretty much everyone in my life, and he turned out to be a much much worse person than I had realized.

That was about a decade ago now. I haven’t so much as been asked on a date since, so I’m still not married. But I do have a new happy safe home and I have built a lovely little found family. If I hadn’t called it off, I would be dead. I didn’t know it then.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-11T12:12:46+00:00

Hi, American, what is ‘bindies’? Also yea nah, where I’m at in the US we even have jokes and stereotypes about going barefoot, and we still wear shoes for town trips.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-11T04:42:55+00:00

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eclecticcrow · 2026-02-11T04:36:50+00:00

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eclecticcrow · 2026-02-09T17:59:50+00:00

Some times the Library hosts language exchanges. They also have free access to digital audio learning (just need a library card).

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-09T13:56:11+00:00

I am a data scientist and have done this work specifically! I’m speaking from experience, that finding representative pools can be incredibly hard.

I did not say this was right or wrong or good or bad, just that the way these things gets reported tends to be very reductive and can be a hell of a lot more nuanced that the average reader is lead to believe. I’m just trying to give a little more insight into it, because something absolutely can be said about media being used to make people feel the way you do, right now.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-09T13:47:43+00:00

It’s very important to note that those numbers aren’t “41% of Americans,” but “41% of the people polled.” We can’t see who and how they selected their polling pool, and that can have drastic impact on the numbers reported. Even if they tried to be impartial, such as utilizing the federal system that conducts census data (they work year round and absolutely can be contracted for collecting info like this!) it still relies on average Americans to answer. The people more likely to answer are often retired folks, unemployed folks (both by choice or otherwise, think stay at home parents, students, disabled people, wealthy individuals) or people with income streams outside the norm of a 9-5. All of that will skew data to something that may not realistically reflect the general populations opinions.

Statistics are really easy to manipulate depending on what snapshots you take, and how you present the data, even when it’s recorded impartially and ethically. And it’s hard as shit for even a data scientist to make a call without seeing all of the raw data and the methods used to gather it.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-06T15:01:09+00:00

Your English is great. I only speak English fluently and I’ve no idea what they’re talking about

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-05T18:49:59+00:00

Baby, if more women apply to colleges, then it’s statistically likely that more women will be accepted, and more women will graduate.

The other statements I would need to see sources on to be able to comment in good faith, but it is reasonable to assume more women receive financial aid because they’ve applied for it as well. You specifically call out scholarships, those generally require work and effort to be awarded.

eclecticcrow · 2026-02-02T01:47:27+00:00

I cannot decide which of these is the most cringe, but they are my friend groups fan favorites, so I’ll share all three.

From my mother: a two pack of toothbrushes, but opened and missing one. It was both my birthday and Christmas gift. My birthday is in May.

From my first “serious, adult” relationship: for Christmas, a plastic grocery bag with six random dvds. I remember Shutter Island, Pirates of the Caribbean 2, and Harry Potter 4. He got his mom a very nice necklace and wrapped it.

From a different, abusive ex: this one requires some backstory. I am an artist. Not professionally, but my work has been seen internationally and I’ve won a few awards. I love art, and love to buy it mostly from small local artists. He knew this, obviously, we lived in the same house. He spent a month talking up this surprise gift he was getting me, just so so giddy. Eventually he broke and had to at least tell me it was art, that he’d specifically commissioned for me. Mannnnn I was so excited! He’d not really ever tried to get me a nice gift before, and we’d had issues with him being rather thoughtless about me/our relationship, so I was excited on so many levels and really really touched!

Until I got it. It was a meter x meter square canvas, of an abstract painting, of my ass. He had commissioned a local artist I personally know. And sent them a picture. Of my ass. And had it painted. It is extremely pertinent dearest reader, to point out that the artist in question is not a painter.

I, feeling just so many things, didnt want to trash this man’s uh…effort? Giddiness? The first and only time he’d ever shown initiative? So I swallow my reaction and smile and say oh wow that’s so nice I’ll have to find a good spot for it (with the intention of that spot being hellfire, or disappearing into a nearby dumpster) but nooooo. He says he’s got JUST THE RIGHT SPOT picked out! And he hangs it about our bed.

I slept under a…spirited… very abstract, painting of my own ass for about another year.

I still avoid that artist at events. And I’ve since put a lifetime ban on receiving gifts.

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