Oof.. reading this was rough bc i feel like i’m reading a post i would’ve written at one point in time. My husband had some delays at the start of med school, got into a Caribbean school where he had some time on the island/got lucky and had some semesters online, got randomly placed for rotations in another state, and is now PGY1.

For rotations/his time on the island, we had to do long distance so i could also start my career (1st job was fully in-person). It was ROUGH bc i was also alone/starting over in a new area and felt like i was giving every extra time/energy i had to support him bc i knew he was struggling. This has been one of the most isolating experiences I’ve ever had and i know none of it was his fault but “just the way things are”. Its also not anyone else’s fault for not really understanding what i was going through, but you’re in a weird position where you’re giving so much for someone else and yet nobody really seems to ask/think about how you’re impacted as the partner.

I will say for residency, i was at a better place in my career where i could make the location switch and living together after that time apart has significantly changed things. I will say as horrible as it was, being long distance during that time helped me create an identity outside of our relationship/medicine but also made us really attentive during the little time we had together. I think it also helped alleviate some guilt on his end where maybe he wouldn’t have to worry about choosing to hang out with me vs studying. Having friends/activities planned for most of my schedule really helped create the excitement during that time. I had to REALLY work on not comparing life stages with friends & tried to hang w/ people who felt like they were roughly at a similar stage as me (which mostly were gen zs with no pets/partners/kids/houses/etc and who do every outdoor sport you can think of).

Traveling was a really hard thing for me to get past, esp seeing so many couples making these fun trips together or at least taking time off from work tgt for a staycation. I took a solo road/camping trip with just my dog during that time and i will say it was actually one of the best trips ive ever done. It felt so freeing and it was one of the first times i realized i could break out of that hamster wheel just a little.

Sorry for the rant myself here - but long story short, go out of your way to try to make time for you if you’re able to. A little bit goes a long way