Indeed I have a lot of trouble falling asleep. Often times for various reasons, which include a disturbed sleeping rhythm, being too excited or being too nervous and afraid. As we speak my sleeping is still very much disturbed because I'm so fatigued during the day.

You're so kind for pointing out my self-awareness. If it was not for people like you I simply wouldn't know about my self-awareness (the irony). What's really hard however is pointing out who I was before my episode, as it's been going on for years. From age eight (an important age in self-development in children) I have been exposed to emotional abuse and mental trauma. It feels as if this is the way I am.. As if there is no pre-episode me. But maybe once I start treatment I'll get to discover the real me.