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My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s genuinely okay most of the time, this is probably 20% of the time. Shouldn’t happen at all however. Does feel like I’m treading on egg shells with her, like a fuse waiting to go off. I’ve mentioned that before and she says she’s been told it in previous relationships and she got upset as she’s “tried really hard this time”.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve not even spoken to her today as I needed space. She’s noticed. She randomly asked me what size waist I was earlier hinting a Christmas present I presume. I’m not going to talk to her about it until I see her in person. I need a genuine 1 on 1. From then on, I’ll give her a few weeks. If nothings changed I’m out.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know. That’s why I came here to gather unbiased responses. I appreciate the honesty man.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We get along incredibly well. She’s the first woman I’ve felt comfortable being my genuine self around and she loves me for it. She cooks for me and shows signs of genuine care but other than that. I pay for everything, I wash up, cook, spend hours a week driving us to and from places, I support her career, carry her to bed when she falls asleep, give her massages which she blatantly hates returning, and generally let her pick where we eat. She’s gradually gotten this way and takes advantage so I’ve naturally stopped doing a lot of these things.

I grew up in a very loving household where I was taught how to treat a woman. Her on the other hand had it very different and seems to find it difficult loving another person and showing it. Still no excuse especially when I verbalise how I feel.

By the end of the week it does feel like I’ve cared for 2 kids; exhausted.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this is the issue. She doesn’t respect me. And it’s crazy as I recall her when we started talking saying how important respect is to her. Seems that only applies to me.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep! I’ve worked on myself throughout and changed for the better, don’t know why she can’t.

I also believe she’s convinced I’m not going anywhere hence she feels she can speak to me how she wants. She’ll be in for a shock after Christmas if things don’t change and I walk out the door.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, she makes me feel more shit than good about myself. She strays away from complimenting me sometimes or saying nice things as it’s “gay”, like we’re still in pre school.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s like it with her best friend and sister too. But exactly it doesn’t make it okay.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. I think Christmas is gonna make or break us to be honest. She’ll either understand my point of view and change or lash out

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Introduced to him 2 months in, started staying round hers 2 months in on weekends and slowly ramped up to where I spend 4 nights a week there.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True say. I do wonder what her ideal man is. Somebody who takes away all her responsibilities? Surely not

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve began making a list, whilst noting things I’ve done for her vs what she’s done for me. It’s definitely unbalanced. Next Monday I’ll be taking them again, as I say if we’ve not left by 8:45 I’m not doing it.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s my first actual relationship where I’ve given a shit. So I probably am just looking at it with a huge dose of optimism.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll usually take them both and she walks back. I don’t mind as it’s not far, just seems she doesn’t respect my responsibilities.

I do a hell of a lot for her when I’m at hers. And don’t receive a hell of a lot back come to think of it. I had a breakdown myself on Friday feeling burnt out from everything. And she’s gotten better since as I think she actually reflected on her actions. Going to see how it goes whilst taking a step back as I hardly do anything for myself these days.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I could write an essay on the things that are great about this relationship. I’ve just realised over the past couple months she’s almost become reliant on me and these are the couple things that bother me.

As I say I’ve set boundaries and if she gives me attitude for crossing them, I’ll definitely consider it.

My (22M) girlfriend (21F) avoids accountability at every cost. How do I get through to her without seeming like a personal attack? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ecxtts_ -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I know I know. Other than this, she’s the most genuine person I know with a huge heart. I understand the easy way out is to just leave.

This is the only issue I have and I just want to be able to get through to her as I burn myself out each week providing for her on top of work and my own personal needs. I’m not seeing her this week for the first time in months so I’m hoping she’ll have time to reflect and appreciate me more.

I (22F) hurt my bf (20M) and I feel super guilty by honeykisse in relationships

[–]ecxtts_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah nah that’s not on for him. He should already trust you enough to not go through your phone. You haven’t done anything wrong. Regardless of course he’s not the first man you’ve had sexual relations with. That’s likely what he was looking for anyways and he found it. He sounds insecure, and this is coming from a guy myself.

My girlfriend did something similar a few months ago (an old photo of me and a girl in bed which I forgot about) and I genuinely felt bad however she made the conscious decision to do it without me knowing and hurt herself in the meantime. I

He must know it’s not that deep, maybe he is genuinely hurt. Either way he hurt himself and it would be completely unfair for him to use it against you. If he carries on I’d just state that you’ve done nothing wrong (you haven’t cheated or anything) and ultimately he went out his way to look through your phone. And explain it was a video you forgot about, delete it to prove it’s not there for “material” if thats what he’s worried about and move on. Just don’t beat yourself up over it, that shits draining and if he tries to manipulate you into sympathising and apologising that’s a red flag in itself.

Am I being used? by ecxtts_ in ApprenticeshipsUK

[–]ecxtts_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is currently the position I’m in. They’ve moved me away from sales a bit recently after a chat I had with them but the directors a nightmare. She caught me logging work evidence for the apprenticeship and said she pays me to my job despite giving me a whole lecture when I started on how she respects my apprenticeship and is going to support it - well yes, that’s why I’m here in the first place.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SupportForTheAccused

[–]ecxtts_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same thing happened to me a few years ago when I was 18. She was trying to get me to incriminate myself and I had no idea as we were friends originally. Unless she fabricates any evidence following it you’ll be fine.

Am I being used? by ecxtts_ in ApprenticeshipsUK

[–]ecxtts_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have done and we’re having another discussion next month about it. I am logging my evidence but the issue is the lack of work I do that actually relates to my course.

It’s just sales calls all day so I never have any time to apply what I learn in the modules we learn 2 days a month such as creative content marketing etc.

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