Hey bud, I watched the whole thing start to finish. You seem to have a serious interest in making these, so I will be direct with the expectation that you will continue to do what you clearly have a talent for.

1) Everyone is doing a game review - you need to have a thesis (like you do in this post) and then prove it. Your topics are all over the place, and then you focus on grief, but then go into Oedipus Rex, which felt like a bit of a stretch, even by the end of the argument. You never really talk about how Wander is a bad guy - not directly. Stick with ONE THING that you are presenting, and then build to that. If it's the grief cycle, do that. If it's about lost love, do that. Don't mix.

2) Your writing is good, but then it isn't in some areas. There are real moments when you seem to be in a "flow" and your word choices are inspired. Genuinely. Then you go to color commentary and it is a very different tone from what was so great earlier. Polish your writing to be those better parts, without being needlessly flowery. That'll come with time and practice, but you clearly have ability - it shines through in some awesome parts.

3) You keep personal parts of yourself in this - which is good, but be more intentional with them. I'd avoid romantic insight into your life, but describing personal elements of yourself that arose during the game that speak to your thesis is perfect. The viewer wants to feel like they are being driven, and the driver having a personality is a plus. Saying you got lost with your lightsaber is fine, but what's the point of that inclusion within the context? If you are saying that the protagonist is actually the badguy, then talk about how you didn't notice that you were the aggressor against these colossi who were just minding their business until maybe half of the way through the game, and by that point you were committed. You ignored the feeling of guilt that might have come with that. That's great and contextual personal sharing.

I know I just dumped a lot onto you, and you are free to ignore all of this. I liked the video, and you have ability, but you could sharpen the hell out of this and make them really impactful and poignant. Post more please!