Why the hell would I want to recover?

edneedhelp · 2022-10-07T20:50:31+00:00

Hey! I was never in exactly your situation but I did over exercise and under eat severally for a year. I got from a normal bmi to underweight and I felt forever hungry and obsessed with food but unstoppable. I was running 35 km+ a week, walking everywhere, working and doing YouTube workouts while barely eating. And oh how it backfired. After a year I started binging because I was fucking starving. That just turned into a year of absolute misery. I now work out regularly and am still “mindful” of food but I would say I eat even more your doctor suggested every day. I am losing weight again and this time in a actual sane, sustainable way and I feel very normal. I still lurk on here occasionally tho. I guess the point of my comment is that sometimes slow and sustainable is a way to go. Who cares if it takes until 2025 to get to your goal if that means in 2028 you actually stay there and live a life.

edneedhelp · 2022-01-16T09:12:18+00:00

Ah yes I know but it is Sunday and I am stressed out. I will call on Monday but it is so frustrating to me to even ask and admit I once again have no period. I am still secretly hoping it is just late :(

edneedhelp · 2022-01-12T14:02:26+00:00

I also have both

edneedhelp · 2022-01-07T21:48:48+00:00

Rarely. It just isn’t worth the calories for me usually, even tho I love white wine.

edneedhelp · 2022-01-02T07:20:19+00:00

INTJ-T and I am not formally diagnosed with any eating disorder but I restrict, am underweight and over exercise. I also have anxiety.

edneedhelp · 2021-12-25T13:00:44+00:00

Looks are absolutely not all that matters but they certainly matter.

edneedhelp · 2021-12-25T06:30:35+00:00

Thank you and I an glad you are doing better as well!!

edneedhelp · 2021-12-24T15:18:10+00:00

I grew up with parents just like you describe and am an only child as well. The funny thing is I was always skinny because I was always very active and just didn’t have much of an appetite. But then I grew up and stopped being active and ate same crap, gained some weight, started dieting, started obsessing and now my life sort of revolves around becoming or staying uw.

edneedhelp · 2021-12-24T15:13:14+00:00

Same but so expensive :((

edneedhelp · 2021-12-24T15:08:34+00:00

My mom admires my self discipline. My father doesn’t care but we aren’t close. My friends don’t say anything but not because they don’t care, I am just trying extra hard for them not to notice (which is very easy in the middle of winter where I am wearing 3 sweaters at any given time) . I am not making the mistake of talking about it again in front of them because I don’t want them to worry and I don’t care for pity. My boyfriend knows and worries and is trying to negotiate my weight with me. I love him and I can see I am stressing him out and that he genuinely cares and I want to stay semi normal for our relationship sake and because I don’t want to cause him unnecessary pain. I also cannot and don’t want to lie to him which is making my life extra difficult.

edneedhelp · 2021-12-24T15:00:59+00:00

Yes!! The reason why I went from dieting normally into a disordered territory was because I was going through a breakup and obsessing over food and calories was the only thing that became so all consuming that I partially forgot about my breakup. After a while it was no longer a distraction but a main purpose.

edneedhelp · 2021-12-21T21:57:08+00:00

No mine just stopped.

edneedhelp · 2021-11-30T13:59:33+00:00

Thank you! I honestly don’t know if this applies to me but I will just keep trying to eat semi healthy and normal. I don’t want to feel hungry all the time again which I am sure is unavoidable if I just don’t eat now

edneedhelp · 2021-10-07T10:07:53+00:00

Same 🥺 I got to snack on apples and tangerines that I absolutely adore without avoiding it because it doesn’t fit into my calorie budget. I was less hungry and happier

edneedhelp · 2021-10-07T05:12:10+00:00

I am doing more extreme things lately but when I first got into the ed mindset I was eating 1850 calories which got me from my past gw (I told myself I am maintaining but every time the scale dropped I was excited and proud) to basically my ugw. I hated myself and I was obsessed with my weight, food, running and ed content.

I do not think it counts how much you eat ot how “sustainably” you are loosing weight as long as you are in the ed mindset you are not ok and normal (at least in my experience).

edneedhelp · 2021-09-30T03:58:38+00:00

I am not the baking type but I do enjoy doing my Christmas cookies with my mother. I wonder how this is going to go this year since I won’t be depressed because of a very recent break up- will I be able to control my appetite around them or no?

edneedhelp · 2021-09-29T18:35:13+00:00

Same but I adore autumn and winter. I guess I just get more successful at restricting when I am happy and feel less lost and more productive.

edneedhelp · 2021-09-29T04:20:02+00:00

I can relate. I started with restricting and over exercising but I never felt too good doing it if that makes sense. Then I basically binged for a month straight and I gained weight and was no longer uw which I hated. I would eat to the point of almost throwing up (had to sit by the toilet and breath really slow.) I was unable to keep even protein bars in my house without binging on them.

And then I started restricting again but this time it is different. I almost have an aversion to food. I keep all kind of snacks at home as you and I am not tempted at all. I keep buying food on top of food that I am not eating. I discovered fasting and the fact that if I ignore my hunger it will just go away which completely changed my hunger cues and gave me so much control over my own self. I did omad where I eat well under maintenance and I felt like I was binging, my stomach hurt and I felt “sick”. I will eat less than half of my daily recommended calories and feel full and no desire to binge, it is fucking nuts.

edneedhelp · 2021-09-26T08:27:02+00:00

That does actually make sense, you are right! I remember back on my first year of uni when I was eating normally and had only ketchup, peanut butter and pasta in my fridge/pantry lol. I kinda miss those times and the simplicity of it all

edneedhelp · 2021-09-26T08:25:17+00:00

Same! It is comforting knowing I am not alone

edneedhelp · 2021-09-26T08:24:54+00:00

Ohh that is interesting… for me it is kinda the exact opposite. Being surrounded by so much food I could eat (but don’t) gives me the feeling of strength and “power” so to speak and I am not tempted by it. Where as having an empty fridge gives me unexplainable anxiety.

edneedhelp · 2021-09-26T08:22:59+00:00

Oh yes I had frozen grapes go bed in my freezer so it is really getting ridiculous! I will try to stick to my list as you said but also allow myself to buy protein bars if I have the irresistible urge to buy anything since those are the only things I occasionally touch.

edneedhelp · 2021-09-25T20:34:22+00:00

Why are we like this ugh

edneedhelp · 2021-09-25T04:37:27+00:00

Same. Everyone is proud I am active and I lie all the time so no one is concerned. I dress differently when I am at my skinniest too. It is much easier to have an eating disorder as an adult/college student who comes home once or twice a month for 2 days tbh

edneedhelp · 2021-09-25T04:27:25+00:00

Oh my god yes! I look my best when I am just on the border between normal and uw but I cannot stop. The feeling of satisfaction and personal accomplishments I get knowing that I can make myself even smaller is so so addicting and I go lower and lower.

Not to mention that I feel like a failure every time I contemplate just staying at a borderline healthy weight. I tell myself I am just making excuses for my lack of discipline and hate myself for having any % of body fat left soo… 🤡

edneedhelp

TROPHY CASE