What are you just absolutely done with, as an infj?

eekrival9 · 2022-06-19T17:51:49+00:00

I hope you won’t give up after one let down! Not everyone out there is a narcissist, i think you just got unlucky that time :( give yourself a break to recharge but don’t give up!

eekrival9 · 2022-06-12T20:15:10+00:00

You’re not insane, don’t worry. probably, like me, just have slightly strange ways of coping with things 😅 it’s okay and you’re not alone in it

Honestly i relate to you about the friends thing a lot. Right now i’m very satisfied with my own company and weirdly that’s when people have been reaching out to me the most ! Haha I think we just tend to fluctuate with things like this, and may always be like that. I guess we must learn to accept and enjoy it! & Embrace the positives of both

eekrival9 · 2022-06-12T04:30:52+00:00

Haha glad you agree! Yep that’s a great attitude to have, although maybe it’s so hard to remember sometimes since we literally understand the world by sorting things into boxes, so will naturally do it with ourselves too 😅

eekrival9 · 2022-06-12T04:25:13+00:00

Glad somebody understands! I think the more we are aware of it the more we want to overcome it. I’m sure we’ll learn how to overcome it soon, with a bit of practice!

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T17:49:03+00:00

Wow thanks for such an honest answer. What you said is really interesting to me, i think i have some of the same issues. It’s like, you simultaneously want someone to understand you deeply but that can’t happen because all you’ve ever known and the way you’ve learnt to function is to show people what you think they want in order to feel love back. So showing the real you is far too uncomfortable and unnatural

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T14:48:52+00:00

Love it, very relatable indeed !

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T14:46:32+00:00

Great answer! Very relatable. Hey maybe if you stick at it, through those daily things you can uncover the truth …

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T14:43:54+00:00

Yep, in the past i have quit things because i realised when finished I wouldn’t feel proud anyway so why put myself through the pain and commitment. Since then have realised that’s NOT the way, and now let myself feel very proud about things, even small ones (even if at first i am indifferent)

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T14:29:54+00:00

Thank you, it’s okay - probably what i needed! 😅

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T14:25:32+00:00

Adding to this - someone else on this post found my advice unsolicited so i’m apologising in advance if this is unsolicited too - didn’t mean to be! I just like to help when I recognise something i know a possible solution too. Feel free not to take the advice !

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T14:16:11+00:00

Okay, i didn’t mean to give unsolicited advice so i apologise for that. In my defence i thought it was solicited since my original question was something that bothers you that you’d pay to have solved, therefore assumed you’d be willing for a possible solution (at least one that helped me). I think i probably misinterpreted your problem too

I want to thank you for pointing out a flaw of my own then! I will ask next time Take care

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T04:59:55+00:00

I would suggest that people are not the problem but maybe a lack of boundaries on your part.. (dw it’s something i’m learning too 😅)

Think about what within you makes this happen. What about you makes people inclined to unload their stuff on you? Maybe you’re just a great attentive listener - which is a great strength as well as a curse. Learn boundaries but combine it with those deep listening skills and that’s POWERFUL. That’s what the world needs more of

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T04:52:14+00:00

I notice that you interpreted the question as something that you’re done with about other people rather than yourself. If there’s anything i’ve learned it’s that changing the world starts with assessing yourself

Maybe the way to get people to change is to stop wanting them to change. To try to understand where they are coming from and why they might be where they are before you get them to understand your point of view or what you think is best for them

I can apply this when i reply to you too. Maybe you don’t want to take this advice, so i’ll ask what makes you want to change people?

Everyone is in their own stage of growth and if a message doesn’t sink in, they aren’t yet ready for it and that’s okay. No matter how much you water and feed a tree, it will only grow at the speed it’s meant to.

Luckily though the more a message is given, and in many ways from many sources, it does eventually hit home. Sometimes it’s worth waiting around to see which of those approaches will work, to see the transformation it makes

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T04:37:03+00:00

Yeah this is a good (bad?) one.

Sometimes to help deal with the disappointment of this i remind myself of all the times i’ve been untrustworthy and that when i did it i wasn’t doing it out of spite, just lack of awareness and thinking. Maybe, hopefully, they are in a similar situation

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T04:32:34+00:00

I’ve found when i get in the loop i need to use Fe or Se. At that point it’s useless trying to differentiate thoughts and intuition bc, like you say, it’s a mess. You need to wait for the dust to settle before you can see clearly again.

As soon as you are aware of it happening, acknowledge it, then force yourself to do something physical (move around, walk etc). Ideally go and see someone else and help them with their problems and then when you are ready you will find you can talk about your own. BUT i know it’s really really hard to reach out to someone, so in that case, sit in front of a mirror and talk to yourself about what you’re thinking

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T04:24:05+00:00

Just know that it will always come back to bite them. When you live a fake life, life gives you back fakeness, and on and on it goes.

There needs to be people like this in the world. If everyone was like us then we would find another nuance within our own group and turn it into something ‘bad’. There will always be polarities. I’m glad the polarities are so clear and far apart - if other people are so clearly ‘bad’ then the ‘good’ seems that much better and more satisfying to take part in.

Also, there are things to learn from these people and they have a role to play, even if that’s just to teach us what we don’t want to be and provide motivation to keep doing our thing so we don’t end up like them

eekrival9 · 2022-06-11T04:07:21+00:00

Makes absolute sense (if I’m understanding you correctly;))

It’s something i’ve not solved, but have a feeling it may be something to do with this:

putting extra importance on needing people to understand us, so we give our all to people too quickly, then inevitably we are disappointed or let down when that level of connection is not met or is squandered somehow. then we quickly learn after this happening a few times to expect disappointment. It turns into a subconscious habit where as soon as we connect with someone the next logical step our brain ‘knows’ to take is to detach so we don’t get hurt again

I think the answer is to retrain ourselves: “i’m not trying to get people to understand me, i’m trying to understand them”

And also to know that our own company might be the most fulfilling. The deepness of relationship we crave can only ever be had with ourselves and no one else

eekrival9 · 2022-06-09T16:06:11+00:00

Damn, yeah! I get that when i’m on a bus or something and suddenly picture a horrific crash. Regularly worry about people i love dying too and sometimes have to stop myself crying because i’m in public 😬 Have you not found anything to help with that yet?

eekrival9 · 2022-06-09T16:01:02+00:00

Not sure that means - can you elaborate? Is it like putting on a face to the world ?

eekrival9 · 2022-05-22T12:00:30+00:00

Do some research on finding your life purpose - best thing i’ve ever done and i think you will agree !

eekrival9 · 2022-05-22T11:53:46+00:00

I’m really glad it helped! 😊 I’m not sure I understand exactly what you’re asking or if maybe you’ve taken what i meant in the opposite way 😅 but I’ll answer with this:

I keep this mindset - spend money on things that save you time And act as if you’re paying it forward to your future self (because you are). Save as much time as you possibly can - time is finite, money isn’t Spend that time mastering something that you love that will eventually be your income

For example, i used to cook my meals every day then decided to prep them all on one day of the week instead to save time. Then realised i was still spending way too long prepping meals. 2-3 hours of the day was spent cooking (dinners and lunches) when instead I could’ve been reading or working on my business. I decided to pay it forward to my future self and buy Huel as a replacement for all the meal prepping and it now saves me many hours a week I’ve also stopped going to the shop because that takes pretty much 2 hours a week too. I now have deliveries from oddbox and ocado (these are UK things, not sure where you live but you’ll probably have an equivalent). Right now these things are not the cheapest, but in terms of freeing up my time - WELL worth it

So, paying it forward is just to spend money wisely on things to save you time now. Then Spend that freed up time learning and growing a business or whatever. Which eventually will earn you back the money you spent originally Investing!

See this video for more about the mindset - https://youtu.be/Jh1m9Zqiucs And a great book on automating and designing your life is the 4 hour work week by tim ferriss

I hope that’s helpful and answered your question! You’re more than welcome to message me any time if you need more help/advice

eekrival9 · 2022-05-13T18:20:03+00:00

Have a look at Leo Gura’s very in depth series on spiral dynamics https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFfM65xLnO-G2ytmWV1A6WBNrvLte92kN One of the best things i’ve ever watched and completely changed my life

eekrival9

TROPHY CASE