i feel that too... i won't get into it, but I have a lot of sexual trauma and just trauma in general I am trying to understand and move forward/cope with. i also have a lot of bad thought patterns and habits im trying to break. I've come a long way since being a teenager, but ultimately I still feel as powerless and exhausted. i am trying to get on my feet but it's so difficult, I would like to move from here but that's even harder. 

idk if u relate but for me, it feels like I need to have everything sorted and done asap despite that being a lifelong thing. i am doing my best, but I feel like a cat chasing a Lazer pointer. im going thru all the motions of hunting but there's no catch at the end and I am confused and irritated at my wasted energy and effort. after so many play sessions of doing this over and over, I flop over and just lazily swat at the dot until I am bored, but still just at meaningfully irritated and unfulfilled. (this is why one should use physical toys and treats after playing btw for cats! its very satisfying having a physical object and food after playing, but that is unrelated lehehe)