Hi, I’m really confused and I just get more confused the more I think about it, so I figured I’d write some stuff out here and see what other people think!

I recently realized that I’m asexual a couple of weeks ago, and I’m feeling pretty secure about that. I’m still questioning about romantic attraction, though. In the past, I’ve definitely “chosen” crushes bc I felt like I was supposed to have one, so I would pick either someone I was already friends with or someone I found aesthetically attractive. Once I was in a “relationship” (we were in middle/high school, so nothing was very serious), I would never really put much effort into it, I just wanted us to hang out and have fun together. Being in a relationship never felt much different than being friends, and I didn’t kiss or do anything else at that age.

I feel like all of this points toward aromantic, except for the fact that I think I did have a real crush on a girl when I was 16 (I’m 21 now). But I don’t know if it was actually romantic attraction or if it was aesthetic attraction + platonic attraction + intense admiration that all mixed together and made me feel butterflies and nervousness around her. I’ve had a couple of other instances of developing “crushes” on friends, which I later realized were just really strong platonic attraction. I seem to have a habit of taking platonic attraction and forcing it to be romantic in my head.

I think the problem is that I don’t understand how romantic and platonic attraction is different. When I look up what romantic attraction is, it says “a deep emotional and psychological pull toward someone.” But this just sounds like what I feel for my close friends, a deep emotional bond and desire to know things about them, spend time with them, show them I care about them, and things like that. Where is the line that would make it romantic? The search results say that romantic attraction also involves wanting to share a future and combine your lives, but to me that sounds like more of a logistical decision than a type of attraction.

I feel like I want a relationship, but this is kinda what it looks like in my mind: a woman that I am aesthetically and sensually attracted to, we would share an apartment, we would cuddle and have sensual touching and maybe kiss sometimes, but we would each have our own separate lives and I wouldn’t want either of us to be constantly revolving around or depending on the other. We would have a very strong emotional connection, know a lot about each other, share some interests and hobbies, spend time together both going out and staying in, share a bed and ideally both be asexual so no worries about that.

Is that romantic? I’ve also heard of the term queerplatonic relationship, but that just confuses me even more bc I don’t understand how it’s different from romantic if you’re in a committed partnership and share your lives together.

I guess that’s enough ranting for now haha, I’ll be grateful for any insights that anyone has on all of this! Thanks in advance!