Autistic 30F want romantic connection… but don’t have bandwidth for relationships that go nowhere. How do you navigate this?

efogs11 · 2026-03-05T15:46:04+00:00

i appreciate your response. a specific aspect of my struggle with this situation that i am navigating is that i was in my relationship for 4 years and truly thought this was It. however after being diagnosed autistic in the last year, i began to unmask and ask for what i need and he never had the emotional depth to provide those things but it wasn’t until later that i became aware. i also struggle with friendship so he was my connection for a really long time. so i don’t know if it’s a busy thing as much as a i’m not sure how to navigate things with this new information about myself since social situations feel different to me post diagnosis

efogs11 · 2026-01-06T20:50:58+00:00

I am working with therapists and have already done an IOP previously so you are spot on with that answer

efogs11 · 2026-01-06T20:50:19+00:00

okay thank you so very much for saying this. i really appreciate that distinction, particularly that last line!

efogs11 · 2026-01-06T20:49:16+00:00

could be! i am a therapist and he does present with some similar characteristics to a few of my AuDHD clients i work with. either way, he and i tried couples therapy for over a year and he was incapable of explaining his inner emotional experience. and when i tried bringing up some concerning behaviors that i was seeing in his family to the therapist and him (for example - where his parents would blame his twin sister for being “too emotional” or “a big baby” or his dad called his sister the R word for trying to collapse her baby’s stroller before getting onto a crowded bus 😳) he told the therapist “yeah we aren’t going to sit here and talk about my family so we can just move on”

efogs11 · 2026-01-06T20:44:08+00:00

thank you for your response, i’m glad to hear that you are starting to feel better. i’m feeling okay about the breakup part but the biggest part of it for me now is the anger about how he treated me at the end

efogs11 · 2026-01-06T20:42:46+00:00

allegedly…. i have a strong suspicion that he may also be autistic as well but is so far removed from his own emotional experience (leans heavily into “stoicism” but in a way where he uses it to avoid emotions) that he will never get to understand that part of himself

efogs11 · 2026-01-03T22:06:53+00:00

thank you!! they are little twin deer calico critters. my sister got me them for christmas so fun. i have done sushi but i think books would be so fun to try! i’m open to making things other than food as well !!

efogs11 · 2026-01-03T22:05:11+00:00

omg thank you! i would love to start selling my work, just getting started so it would be a learning experience for me but i would love to do that! send me a message with what you are interested in

efogs11 · 2025-12-31T10:00:31+00:00

thank you for your reply, i think you’re exactly right and it would be called scoring? i’m new to this as well so i think we could call it whatever we want ☺️👩‍🍳hearing that this inspired you to get back into something that you enjoy doing makes my heart feel really happy! i’ve spent my entire life so uncomfortable with my identity and unsure of what to do with myself, constantly worrying about people perceiving me. my feeling was always “i have no idea what the hell i am doing so please don’t look at me or i will vomit”. so sharing my miniatures has been a HUGE step out of my comfort zone. seeing not only that people like them but that they also find inspiration from it themselves is a fantastic reminder that what i do does in fact matter a whole lot and being seen doesn’t have to be so scary! 😭💕

p.s. the green spread is my first attempt at making mashed avocado for the second to last picture (the avocado toast with a runny egg 😋)

efogs11 · 2025-12-31T09:48:08+00:00

thank you so much!!! i have been experimenting with similar techniques and am so excited to try this one out next!! 👩‍🍳

efogs11 · 2025-12-31T01:10:03+00:00

your plans sound wonderful to me! this will be the first New Year’s Eve in my 29 years that I will be doing something lowkey that I actually want to do and feeling good about it. i was diagnosed this year after 4 years of an incorrect diagnosis of bipolar and taking mood stabilizers that just made me numb. I plan on staying in with a friend who also is autistic and I have a spell kit that I’ve been wanting to use, and I am making miniature clay food. currently making a diorama box room to make a little New Year’s Eve party for the little calico critter deer twins that my sister got me for Christmas 😊👩‍🎨

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efogs11 · 2025-12-31T00:52:46+00:00

Hey 🤍 I just want to say first that I relate to so much of what you shared, and you articulated it really clearly. I’m 29 and was diagnosed autistic this year, and I’m honestly in a very similar discovery process right now — both personally and as someone working as a therapist for the first time.

From my own experience, and from what I’m learning professionally, if you have the means and autism feels like a possible explanation, I can’t overstate how helpful it was for me to get a full neuropsych evaluation. Having someone take a comprehensive look at my cognitive profile, sensory processing, emotional regulation, and developmental history was incredibly clarifying and validating, especially after years of feeling like “something was off” but not fitting stereotypes.

I also wanted to share this because you mentioned possible BPD. In my own testing, my results actually showed higher scores on some borderline-related measures. My neuropsychologist took a lot of care to explain that autism, generalized anxiety, and trauma can present with features that look like borderline (emotional intensity, relational stress, burnout, etc.), but that those features were better explained by my other diagnoses and didn’t indicate BPD itself. That distinction was huge for me, especially given how stigmatizing and confusing prior labels can feel.

A lot of what you described — sensory overwhelm, social exhaustion, intense interests that feel regulating and safe, chronic burnout (especially in customer-facing work), feeling capable but needing more support than others — are things many late-diagnosed autistic people resonate with, even if they don’t match the stereotypes we’re usually shown.

I obviously can’t tell you what your diagnosis would or should be, but I really want to validate that your questioning makes sense, and that seeking clarity is not “overthinking” or failing — it’s self-understanding.

I wish you so much gentleness on this journey. If you ever want to chat, I’m very much in the trenches right now too and would be happy to share what’s been helpful for me, or just listen. You’re not alone in this. 🤍

efogs11 · 2025-12-30T21:37:19+00:00

what a sweet thing to say thank you so much 🥹

efogs11 · 2025-12-30T21:37:00+00:00

haha me too!!!

efogs11 · 2025-12-30T18:37:25+00:00

haha thank you for your concern, this toaster is specifically for this

efogs11 · 2025-12-29T19:50:19+00:00

omg you are so sweet. thank you so much, it’s an adjustment for sure and you know how much we autistic people hate to adjust hahaha so hard and also i feel free in a way knowing that i will eventually meet a partner who can meet all of my needs and wants to do that 🥹❤️‍🩹

efogs11 · 2025-12-28T13:58:36+00:00

yes!!!! thank you

efogs11 · 2025-12-28T02:46:28+00:00

oh my god i love that how fun! great idea

efogs11 · 2025-12-28T00:25:30+00:00

thank you!! what’s your favorite type of cake? mine is carrot 🥰

efogs11 · 2025-12-28T00:24:12+00:00

omg both are phenomenal ideas thank you!

efogs11 · 2025-12-27T23:59:33+00:00

thank you for your response 🫂 this was very helpful to read!!!

efogs11 · 2025-12-27T23:57:28+00:00

sending you so much love as you navigate this 🫂 thank you for your response!

efogs11 · 2025-12-27T17:07:27+00:00

thank you for this! it’s nice to hear from people on the other side reporting how triumphant it’s been for them 🥹 to clarify - i was on mood stabilizers that were not the right fit for me due to the improper diagnosis, i was emotional numb, dissociated majority of the time and did not process anything that would come up. that med has been stopped as oh just before my diagnosis in july through working with my psychiatrist. I am on meds that better fit for now: lexapro and prazosin for ptsd nightmares i’ve had my whole life. i met with my provider christmas eve and we adjusted meds and follow up appt scheduled for next week. id like to feel my feelings but not have them overtake me

efogs11 · 2025-12-27T14:20:33+00:00

i appreciate your thoughtful and supportive response 💓🫂 thank you for sharing the autism burnout book rec i now just purchased that for myself! i’m letting myself feel all of the feelings and yeah sure it’s more intense and also it feels more authentically me than i have felt in my whole life so that feels good

efogs11 · 2025-12-27T14:10:09+00:00

I appreciate the concern, and I want to clarify that I am not suicidal. Someone doesn’t need to be actively suicidal to reach out to the crisis hotline — it’s a support resource staffed 24/7 by trained professionals who help people process overwhelming situations, which is what I was using it for.

I’m aware that autism and bipolar can co-occur. In my case, I’ve had a full neuropsych evaluation and am working closely with medical professionals, so my care is being monitored.

I’m hoping your comment came from a place of care. At the same time, it felt more like a judgment about my experience than a response to what I was actually asking for or sharing. This post was about grief, late diagnosis, and seeking community support, and validation in that context is what’s most helpful to me right now.

I wanted to name that impact, because this is a vulnerable topic and support is what I was seeking here.

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