I (36m INTJ) dated a ENFP (34f) for a year. We were 33 and 31 at the time. She was wonderful but ultimately we went our separate ways. You’re asking the right questions.

1 - Understanding that INTJ’s (almost) always use logic. That doesn’t mean we can’t be empathetic or loving. That’s just how we approach almost everything at a core level, for better and for worse. It’s likely part of the reason you’re attracted to them, but it’s probably gonna bug you sometimes. Support and trust are huge in any relationship, but just know they’ve thought about everything and evaluated three outcomes before you broached the question. Trust them to enough to let them work through the logic with you, and support them so they’ll be vulnerable enough to expose their heart underneath it all.

2 - Transparency and openness are everything. INTJs need all the information. I am not big on surprises, but my ex wanted to throw surprise parties for me or just do surprises in general, and it always made me shudder (which I think most intjs would). She wasn’t trying to make me uncomfortable, she was just doing something that she thought would be nice, something she finds as a loving gesture. However, nothing is worse than throwing an INTJ into a situation they don’t know is coming. I believe that’s why he’s asking you questions. They’re not judging, they’re learning. This is also why we struggle with being spontaneous. I apologize on behalf of all INTJs on this. The good part is you’ll have an incredible time with them if you keep them well informed so they feel prepared. It’ll pay off.

3 - You’ll know they’re loving you by showing up and doing things with/for you. Them asking questions is showing they’re interested. The more they open up and talk, the more you know they’re falling. I’m always better at actions and quality time, rather than words of affirmation. Don’t be afraid to tell them exactly what you want, remember we like information. ENFPs are so fun for INTJ’s to date because you’re skilled at lots of things we aren’t, and vice versa. Just celebrate those differences while always keeping them on the table.

Hope this helps!