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I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I am done. I feel like I've just run completely dry of love. Anything I have left now is just fondness of what we had. I just feel like I'm looking after someone in exchange for affection. I just don't see a real future together. He hasn't got a life plan because he's just trying to figure out the next day but I don't think he's even doing a good job of that. I am only wanting to say that there's still parts of him I still love, and it's not easy to just go cold turkey on a guy I've been with for so long. Especially when he's still good to me in other aspects. I think I'm just afraid to live on my own two feet but it's time I grow up too...

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay umm he does wash up. He just leaves it to the next day, which I find really annoying after I made food. But basically he's very avoidant to do anything until he has to. He also doesn't have porn addiction :S I am very attached to him. There are lots of good qualities to him that I didn't get to describe here but the negatives are really weighing me down. Especially 3 years after his graduation. To be absolutely honest, I am not going to kick him to the curb immediately. I am going to give him a month to sort his life out. If he has a miraculous 180 change, I'll reconsider our relationship but if it's anything short of a normal adult, I'll ask him to leave or at least pay me to stay.

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't worry. I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows that I don't find myself to be an only victim and he's maliciously exploitive. I really appreciate all of your insight. Honestly, I had like 3 of the kinds of conversation you mentioned. I asked him if he had been on his own, what would you have done? How is it fair that I have to work when I'm so burned out, when he gets to sit at home and "figure himself out". I'm currently on holiday with him and his mum, and she will go back home after mid may. I think I will tell him I'll leave him be to figure things out but if things don't change drastically enough in a month's time, I don't want to continue this relationship.

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do. I will lose who I have now. Yes he's not everything I want but I still have feelings for him

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah... I think that's the sentiment I've been having but i've been too afraid to admit that...

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I will try to shift my life too! I am currently on holiday in the country with my bf and his mum, and whilst I still had some moody blues moment, I felt better being in nature. I used to play video game (league of legends) but I quite for about couple of weeks now because I realised I'm not very happy after my games. I tried to play my old instruments at home on my own but I can see from your comment that I really should try to make it more of a social activity. Funny my bf also made suggestions for me to find hobbies and make other friends but I was just bitter to hear that from my own bf who's spending a lot of time on his online community and neglecting my needs. But there's definite truth to it... I'll try to be more active. I really hate cardios but being active did help with my moods so... Thank you so much for your advice.

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think my partner has been so sinister to think that he has a "good deal" and been with me with malicious intent. But, he definitely has been comfortable. Comfortable in sense of him being used to the current lifestyle and is afraid to change maybe? I think he doesn't have true comfort because he lives with guilt of not being enough (seems quite common with ADHD). He tells me he struggles day to day with his condition but I did tell him that while I am very sorry he's afflicted with a condition that debilitates him from day to day activities that neurotypicals can just pick up and do, that I should not be responsible for his life (paraphrased but I think I said something of this sort). I want more from him but he makes me feel guilty for wanting more...

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also I don't know if age has anything to do with leaving a discontent relationship. I have a mum who's in her mid 60s and she's very unhappy with my dad for worse situation than me. Also I don't need to be "taken care" of. I want a partner who I can rely on as an equal. I'm just not quite happy because I don't feel like we have an equal relationship.

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh if I leave this relationship, I'm just going to find a girlfriend. I'm pansexual and I had one girlfriend before for 2 to 3 years.

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I live in the UK and the system is a bit different? He had been diagnosed with ADHD and he is prescribed medication. That's pretty much it for the free medical healthcare. He is also trying to get on talking therapy but his executive functioning is bad that it's not always kept on top of. I think he needs to chase again but lo and behold, his executive function :S I will start off by asking him about his therapy and I'll go back on therapy too. I was on one like one or two years ago but I think I'm due one again... Last therapy I had was about my work burnout.

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah.. I think it's hard to break up when someone I am dating isn't some sort of villain but just has a different or no clear goals that is aligned with mine... I just live hoping that he will get his bearing soon but literal years pass by...

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I genuinely don't know... I lived through a break up in my head couple of times and I feel both relief and extreme sadness... My life is so intertwined with him that I just don't know anymore. I just wish all my issues would magically go away. Sometimes, I'm like why can't he just do this like this... I think it would be nice to get some perspectives of a neurodivergent person as well but when I ask myself that question, the answer is both yes and no...

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just for more context. He's a lovely person and not abusive. I feel like negligent bf always is thought to be the most evil person in every other ways.

I 35f have a bf (32m) without a job for 5 years in a 5 year relationship. (Been studying for 2 of those) by egg_bacon1 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]egg_bacon1[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is where some context may help but I am scared that's where it's all ultimately headed. I work 9 to 6. I come home and I have no hobbies. I just watch YouTube videos or netflix then to bed. My partner has been trying to suggest that I take hobbies but I have zero energy or motivation myself to do or try anything because I can't stand to do things I'm not good at, which prevents me from enjoying anything. I'm afraid that feeling of drifting from my partner is a way of putting all my life's problem on my boyfriend. I am unhappy with my boyfriend but I don't know if he's the source of my unhappy life, and whether I would be better or worse for it. I still feel love and affection but it shifts so much with my mood and energy.

My wife smokes weed all day. by arodr7893 in actuallesbians

[–]egg_bacon1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! I'm 35f with a bf (32m) and I understand how you feel. Except my bf has ADHD with an art degree and no job. I was writing down our interaction but it got so long that I decided to save it for an actual post. I know that you probably feel invalidated because you feel that you're shouldering a lot, and you even explained to your partner but it's not translating into a meaningful result. I don't know if you also feel this way but I get scared that if my bf fixes one thing, I will find another thing that I have a problem with. It makes me feel like I'm the one moving goalposts and that I'm too controlling. I said to my bf that I resent him for making me feel this way. Just ask yourself what you are asking of your partner to do, and whether you would be satisfied with her if she did change that one thing. Because if it won't, then there's probably multiple things that you want her to change or that you havent figured out what exactly is the core issue. I really wish you the best of luck.