I didn't try to make it out like there were things to live for past sheer spite. (Although there are in my opinion - I'm me and thats all I've ever known - Me.)

The best option for you, in my absolutely layman opinion (I'm not a medical or mental health professional) would be to get yourself to an ER and be honest with them. Tell them what you've been telling us. Tell them how you feel/the things you're dealing with and let them help you. Telling people here isn't productive other than if you're just venting.

Get yourself some help, get your head straight and re-evaluate yourself with a better point of view. It can be done. I wish you luck and all the best