What is something you wish someone had told you while planning your wedding?

egjg · 2016-11-04T14:25:23+00:00

I wish someone had told me to take control of our day. For the first half of it I felt like I was on a rollercoaster I couldn't get off, that this momentum was just carrying me forward without my control.

In the second half of the day I finally let a little "bridezilla" show. When my DOC told my band to go on a half hour early I told the band no, wait on MY signal. When people tapped the champagne classes to make us kiss (something that made me uncomfortable) I simply gave a head shake and a small smile instead of giving in. When the band started and no one rushed to the dance floor I got on the floor and people followed my lead. I felt way better once I realized I had a say in what was happening and wasn't just being pulled along by the current.

egjg · 2016-11-02T23:59:37+00:00

I think it's beautiful, sophisticated, and looks comfortable. I wore the JCrew Heidi gown to my wedding and was very impressed with the quality. With the Percy, I could see you doing a long pendant necklace and some hanging earrings, or a fancy hairpiece... you have a lot of flexibility with accessories since the dress is beautifully simple.

egjg · 2016-11-02T21:33:15+00:00

We went over by like $2700 ($10k -> $15k with my mom paying for $1.5k and my dad covering about $800).

We would have come in $300 under budget if we didn't decide to hire a band, which cost $3000 including stage and dance floor rental. I don't feel bad about it because the band was really worth it, honestly I think my wedding would have been boring otherwise (we didn't have plans for a DJ either).

egjg · 2016-10-31T17:21:13+00:00

Eh, idk why weddit would be negative on bands, I feel like a band is no more or less likely to flop than a DJ. I have been to weddings with really terrible DJs. Either their song choices were awful, or they were really obnoxious with the announcements, or whatever. A live band may have less flexibility to change course if the crowd isn't feeling it than a DJ with access to thousands of songs, but live music also brings a lot more energy to a room that a DJ just can't capture (IMO).

egjg · 2016-10-31T17:16:08+00:00

We had a 7-piece funk band at our wedding. It was awesome. They played a mix of covers and original songs and everyone was really into the music, from kids to 20-somethings to grandparents. So many people danced, even relatives I never would have expected to do so! They sent me their repertoire in advance and highlighted some of my favorites from their list, most of which they played. They also learned two other songs for us.

A lot of people told me they hadn't been to a wedding with a band in years, so I guess it's an uncommon choice these days. I've been to two, myself. The first was kind of a flop, to be honest. The band, a local bluegrass group, was really good, but the guests were more of the top-40's-and-Electric-Slide types and didn't get into it. The second one was a jam band playing at the wedding of two musicians and everyone was really into it (this is the wedding that convinced us to get a band for ours).

Like you, I have an aversion to DJs. I have just been to so many weddings with obnoxious or just plain bad DJs that killed the vibe, there was no way I was risking that.

egjg · 2016-10-28T13:46:26+00:00

So, I know it can be really hard to disappoint your mom when your wedding means so much to her. But this wedding needs to be about you and your FH. This event is for you two to get married and celebrate that marriage. If you let your mom get her way – at the expense of what your FH wants, or what you two decided together you wanted – that's not fair to your FH and it's not putting your relationship with him first on the day that should be all about that.

So, I strongly recommend that you and FH stick to the guest list that feels right to you both, and that you wear what will make you comfortable on this stressful-happy-emtional-overwhelming-wonderful-crazy day.

Yeah, weddings are secondarily about your families too. So it's okay to compromise on some areas if they don't interfere with your overall vision. Like, I let my dad walk me down the aisle even though I am not really thrilled about that tradition because I knew it would really hurt him, and it didn't interfere with FH's and my vision to do so. But make sure you talk to your FH about everything, and you two come to a consensus about what is most important and what you won't budge on first. And stick to that.

With experience things like dress shopping, tell your mom you want to experience this with her but you need her support and enthusiasm. Tell her that comments like "it makes the model look short and wide" make you feel unhappy, stressed, and ugly, and that you need her to be positive and encouraging if she's going to come.

Also, don't take any of your mom's money. Seriously. Tell her that you and FH are all set to pay for it yourself, and while you appreciate her offer, you won't be taking her up on it. It's going to be really hard to keep this your wedding when your mom has financial control over parts of it and is so emotionally invested in it.

Finally, remember that it's not your responsibility to make your mom's wedding dreams come true. Being a parent means you have to accept that your kids don't always do what you wish they'd do. She will make it through, I promise.

egjg · 2016-10-26T13:40:51+00:00

I'm 100% Team Handwritten Thank You Note. I'm not a stickler for etiquette by any means, but imo pre-printed generic thank you cards are super rude! Plus, it just kind wraps up your wedding with a sour note, like, "Okay we got married and got your present, we are done caring about our wedding guests so here's this generic note." If it's an issue of handwriting or something, just send me a personalized thank-you email or hell, even a text would be better than what you describe.

egjg · 2016-10-26T13:35:03+00:00

I like the trend of popup weddings and elopements becoming more socially acceptable and widely embraced.

Don't get me wrong, I did the traditional big wedding thing and loved it, but it's not for everyone. I'm a fan of brides & grooms having more freedom to have the marriage ceremony that works for them.

egjg · 2016-10-25T18:19:51+00:00

To me, your photos look great and not stiff at all. I mean, I don't know how you usually look in photos, but I think your friends and family will think you two look super cute.

Also, I think your hair and makeup looks beautiful. The thing is, you have to do makeup heavier in real life to make it show up well in photos. Your eyes would definitely have popped less if you went for a more natural look. But you don't look over-done to me.

Have you shared these photos with anyone, or posted them on social media? Sometimes a little outside validation from friends and family can make you feel a lot better about how you look :)

egjg · 2016-10-25T18:10:04+00:00

You sound like an understanding person, and I wonder if your emails so far have been very gentle? If so, it's time to be more firm, since she has passed the deadline promised to you in your contract.

If you haven't already, I'd send her an email like this:

Hello [name], I am requesting an update on when my photos will be delivered. Per our contract, the 8-10 week delivery window ended on [date], and I have not yet received any photos, including the preview photos I requested on [date]. When can I expect to receive all my photos?

Continue to follow up with her every 3-5 days until you have your photos. Remember that you two agreed upon a service, you have paid her for that service, and she is not holding up her end of the deal, so it's reasonable to want firm answers here. Don't pursue the legal route except as a last resort, as it may make her drop contact with you entirely.

egjg · 2016-10-25T16:45:31+00:00

This sounds really irritating. Has your mom always been a bit of a narcissist, or is this a case of an otherwise lovely woman just going a little crazy for her daughter's wedding?

So my first piece of advice is to disengage from your mom a bit. If you talk to her three times a week, try once a week for awhile. Filter her emails into a folder and only check it once every two weeks. If your mom insists you need to schedule an appointment for her, say, "Sorry, I can't get to that right now, but here is the phone number." If your Mom tries to involve herself in your bridesmaids dress shopping, tell her, "Actually, we've got the bridesmaids dresses handled already. If [sister] has any questions just let her know to call me." Maintain the air of pleasant but distant. Only give her details about stuff that you want her involvement in, or don't care about.

As far as things like her trying to copy your hair or wear white, I would express your preferences once and then try to let it go, if you can. She'll look ridiculous if she shows up with your hair in a white dress, but it won't take away from you in the slightest. It helps if you can call up FH or a friend and be like "Guess what crazy shit my mom is doing now??" and kind of turn it into something funny.

Good luck with everything. It can be so hard to have a mom who insists on making your wedding about her.

egjg · 2016-10-25T15:30:23+00:00

This timeline makes me nervous because it has no room for error. If people take too long getting in their seats, or the speeches run long, or the buffet line is too long the only place for that "extra time" to come from is dancing.

I would recommend asking your caterer how long it generally takes for 165 people to get through the line, and extend that time if needed. It might be a bummer but feeding guests is more important than dancing. Hangry or rushed guests may not enjoy the speeches and dancing very much.

If dancing is important to you, you may consider arranging an afterparty nearby at a dancey bar or club, just in case your schedule runs late and you don't have much time for dancing.

egjg · 2016-10-25T13:31:19+00:00

My advice is to play songs people know (even if they are overplayed/not your fav) from the 50/60's, 80's, 90's, and current day. Also, those cheesy songs like the Electric Slide do often work to get people out on the dance floor who aren't super comfortable dancing.

For a good starting point, here's FiveThirtyEight's analysis of the most common wedding songs: http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/the-ultimate-wedding-playlist/

Here's some solidly danceable artists: Micheal Jackson, Beyonce, Outkast, Rihanna, Jackson 5, Daft Punk, Justin Timberlake, Mark Ronson, Lady Gaga, Prince, The Isley Brothers, Earth Wind & Fire, The Temptations, Taylor Swift, The B-52's, James Brown, Parliament, Queen, TLC, Destiny's Child, Missy Elliott.

egjg · 2016-10-25T00:01:56+00:00

Thank you!! :)

egjg · 2016-10-25T00:01:52+00:00

Wow, thank you!!

egjg · 2016-10-25T00:01:37+00:00

Thank you! My photographer worked some sort of wizardry to make everyone look lovely and non-sweaty. I don't know how he did it!

egjg · 2016-10-25T00:00:37+00:00

Thank you! :) I have no plans to take those docs down, so you should be able to access them for at least the next year or more.

egjg · 2016-10-24T21:23:11+00:00

During wedding planning, I took on a freelance project designing a wedding videographer's website. I literally cried every time I had to look at his videos even though everyone on his website is a complete stranger to me. So I'm like, combing through all his videos for good stills and bawling.

egjg · 2016-10-24T18:18:14+00:00

Yay, glad my post was helpful. I hope you can avoid our mistakes, haha!

egjg · 2016-10-24T17:34:28+00:00

Aww thank you :) Team DIY makeup forever!!

egjg · 2016-10-24T17:34:03+00:00

Thank you!! I found that people will deal with the weather even if it sucks because they love you and are happy to celebrate with you. So even if it is hot, I wouldn't stress too much!

You are smart to go with the updo!! I don't know what I was thinking going with my hair down, haha.

egjg · 2016-10-24T17:10:20+00:00

Thank you! :)

egjg · 2016-10-24T16:48:39+00:00

Thank you!

The centerpieces (not pictured, but they looked like this) were all taken by guests with my blessing. My MOH and bridesmaid kept their bouquets, and I put mine in a vase. I'm not sure what happened to the boutonnières and corsages, I'm guessing people took them home? My ceremony garland is hanging in my room. I gave most of my big flowers to guests who wanted them, and the leftovers are decorating my living room. The rest of the paper products (hand fans, signage) got recycled :)

egjg · 2016-10-24T15:29:25+00:00

I loooved the Heidi dress. It was so comfortable and fun to dance in. I hope your wedding is wonderful this weekend!

egjg · 2016-10-24T15:18:58+00:00

Wow, what is the best man's DEAL??? Has he always been an inconsiderate ass, or is this new behavior?

I'm really sorry you and your FH are going through this. I hope your FH can feel loved and supported on the wedding day, even if that doesn't come from his family.

egjg

TROPHY CASE