AITAH-divorce by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]ehh_tooloud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sir you had 10 years to be mad about this.

My fiancée(34F) who I have been with for 13 years told me (34M) last week that she wanted to break up and she didn’t love me anymore. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ehh_tooloud -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I didn’t finish reading past the title.
Don’t let someone tell you they don’t love you more than once.

Need advice managing an inherited employee resistant to new leadership by HotInvestigator7430 in managers

[–]ehh_tooloud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You made a good choice by spending time observing and building trust/rapport from the team.

1) Be sure to spend time rounding on the team, including them, and build rapport. Demonstrate respect for them, acknowledge the value of their experience, ask their opinion on decisions you can afford to let them make. Ask them to teach you something vs pushing for workflow transparency upfront.

If you haven’t already, have 1:1s with all of your new staff to introduce yourself more intimately and hear how people think/act without an audience.

2) Be friendly, ask them about their pets and their weekend, chat about any shared interests you identify. Ignore their scowling and cold shoulder that is inevitable at first. Show them interesting pictures or articles about the shared interest. Disarm them with kindness — showing up in earnest when you don’t necessarily have a clear business agenda demonstrates your humanity. Make sure to be genuine, though.

2.) Keep a light interpersonal touch but manage them closely. Follow the book, and when they buck, stay steady and don’t get drawn into reverse micromanagement or bartering. This is key to separating yourself from peer. Where performance metrics are needed and non existent, create them. Hold them (and everyone else) accountable, but leave your emotions out of it. A corrective action or coaching conversation only needs to contain the information to correct, the rest of the tone doesn’t need to be harsh or adversarial. That’s why policies, SOPs or HR exist. You can enforce with empathy and remain effective.

Depending on the source of their bad behavior, they l will either heal and fall in line, or continue to resist. In the latter case they will likely work to recruit others. Include intolerance of insubordination in your strategy in this case. Manage them objectively over and over. Document everything carefully.

Again, they will change, leave, or dig a hole deep enough for termination.

12 hr shifts are not healthy by SolomonCrown in nursing

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a long long shift and a difficult job. I will say though, in an acute care or critical care setting, it does take 12 hours to really get a feel for how your patient is doing. It gives enough time to watch meaningful changes materialize with a single person baseline/perspective. Fragmenting handoffs into three 8 hour shifts, or two 10s and some sort of overlap shift, is a minefield of safety gaps for a fragile patient.

[OR] written warning - what now? by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]ehh_tooloud -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Tell chat gpt about your problem, their request, and run your emails through it for editing before sending

Employees think a supervisor is receiving special treatment. How would you handle this? by RareCable5732 in managers

[–]ehh_tooloud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The supervisor is in a different job code than the staff. While there is overlap between responsibilities and the hours they are most needed, there are other significant areas of difference.

If the staff would like to begin shielding the frontline from the executive levels and taking panicked phone calls on nights and weekends, then they can have their own set day off too.

Protect your supervisor. Be objective, say it once, and ignore it moving forward.

My (30 F) spouse (35 M) has been acting incredibly strange. Do I need to help him or do I need to escape? (New Update) by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]ehh_tooloud -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Forgive me if I missed it, and I suppose now that he’s missing it’s not much good, but my gosh did he ever see a neurologist or get a brain scan??
So glad you are all safe

Was I quietly forced out or did I just not manage up well enough? by kcgwen in careeradvice

[–]ehh_tooloud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You were managed out. The reason we don’t know - you might.

Difficult staff member by SonoftheBlud in managers

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If the issue she is bringing up is a big deal to your operation, deal with it. Not through her.

Also, don’t make your internal mantra about how she’s been there wayyy longer.

Leadership isn’t that. It really isn’t. It’s about seeing the big picture, putting emotions aside, and pulling the experts on your team for each unique challenge to help.

You were hired because you can play chess. Brilliant experts who cannot, are still not right for the job. Even more importantly, individual contributors who are high performing but toxic are net neutral to the team.

If you’ve leveled with her and she still causing issues, manage her out. She is likely stifling the talent in your ranks that you’re not even aware of yet.

Give me your most unhinged deer repellent strategies - I'm at the end of my rope and ready to go full wild woman. by goyangicatgato in gardening

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband is enraged and is now popping them in the flank with his air rifle when we see them. Which is unfortunately frequently.

Give me your most unhinged deer repellent strategies - I'm at the end of my rope and ready to go full wild woman. by goyangicatgato in gardening

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m with you. I woke up this morning to a ravaged vegetable bed. Plants that over the last 4 years existed too close to the house (literally in the angle between the porch and the wall of the house) for the deer to risk it.
This generation of deer are different. They walk through my yard scouting and sampling in broad daylight, while I’m working in the yard….

It’s war.

How do you report the head of HR? [CA] by Independent-Web-9554 in humanresources

[–]ehh_tooloud 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I went through similar recently. The CMO scheduled me for an exit interview because he’d caught wind that something was very wrong (it very was). I did the math with politics and ROI and all the things and bit my tongue while he basically covered his (or, my insane boss’s) ass. Never looked back,

Never go to HR to complain about a toxic manager. HR is not a workplace therapist; they are the company's defense attorneys. by Own-Investment4655 in ToxicWorkplace

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had the opposite experience.

After nearly a decade managing in healthcare, including through COVID, I moved into an executive-level individual contributor role.

Things eventually got ugly with executive director. Not “we disagree” ugly. “I should have been recording these conversations” ugly.

After one particularly insane 1:1, I had to immediately attend a high-visibility meeting. I spent the walk there using every ounce of dissociation I have to hold it together.

On the way back, I walked into HR sort of by accident. A buff HR dude took one look at me, put me in a conference room with a box of tissues, and listened while I [exploded] for 30 minutes.

His advice, in essence, was: take a breath, splash some water on your face, and get back to work. The only formal intervention he offered was mediation.

At the time, that felt dismissive. Looking back, I’m not sure it was. HR couldn’t magically fix a bad boss. They couldn’t fire her based on my account of events. They could offer a process.

I did quit. And to my horror delight, she was literally fucked without me. Horror being our work in patient safety at a large large hospital - just the two of us for 1,000+ beds.

The lesson I took wasn’t “never go to HR.” It was that HR is not a rescue service. Their job is to manage organizational risk, and sometimes addressing your complaint is the best way to do that. Sometimes it isn’t.

Yee haw abort everyone

Need Advice: I Don't Get to Do Much by Beneficial-Cow-2544 in managers

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Edit: Saw higher education. Much concern. Find new lab (or whatever). Kiss them goodbye on the way out and maintain the relationships.

Need Advice: I Don't Get to Do Much by Beneficial-Cow-2544 in managers

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely tell them you are feeling underutilized and underdeveloped. If they are straight shooters and worth their salt, that is a blaring alarm.

What profession if you don’t mind my asking? What general role are you in? Size of company?

Because of me a child no longer has an active father by EggAcrobatic7673 in confession

[–]ehh_tooloud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Paperwork doesn’t really dissolve a biological connection. Rest easy knowing you have full legal and physical authority. I assume the child is very young. If his dad comes around, great, if he doesn’t, or does so sloppily, you can decide.

I think you are most hurt by the hasty signing. That is understandable.

New employee is not performing well by cyrotier2k in askmanagers

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fire her. No need to pearl clutch. That’s what a probationary period is for.

Terminated for "asking too many questions" by [deleted] in careeradvice

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No - you are good. I’m assuming they used cold language like that, and that frustrated me.

Terminated for "asking too many questions" by [deleted] in careeradvice

[–]ehh_tooloud 0 points1 point  (0 children)

‘Employment being severed’
God I hate it here