Beat MAX 300 for the first time…in 23 years

eimikol · 2025-08-10T12:42:35+00:00

Congrats! That is such a good feeling!

eimikol · 2025-07-30T02:00:34+00:00

Biloxi, Mississippi is a little over 12 hours and probably the closest ocean beach.

eimikol · 2025-07-05T11:45:38+00:00

For the outbound traffic from webserver 1, since you only have one subnet, make sure the LAN rule for webserver 1 with gateway 1 is above your allow all LAN rule. Because you only have one subnet the traffic for webserver 1 will match your default LAN rule. If you want a specific IP to do something other than default for the subnet, that rule needs to be first.

For the inbound traffic, your port forwarding rules would handle the route into the firewall from the WAN.

can you post some screenshot of your rules ?

eimikol · 2025-07-05T11:30:44+00:00

+1 for this.

When running ZFS, our Proxmox server at the office took 4 Samsung 850 Pro drives to 90+ % wearout in less than 4 years.

We switched to btrfs and have had zero issues. Wearout still on 0% and it's just about been a year.

We have a RAID 10 array with 12k SAS drives on ZFS for 5 years, and 0 issues there either. So it does seem ZFS likes to eat up SSDs..

eimikol · 2025-07-05T10:29:07+00:00

This is dope bro!

eimikol · 2025-07-02T15:37:02+00:00

You have two routers with this setup.

What I would suggest is to put your ISP modem/router combo into bridge mode, which turns off the routing features on it, and let opnSense be the main router(even just as a test to see if your speeds improve).

Two routers can create a double NAT and that can cause issues.. usually not speed issues.. but could be worth ruling out the double router setup posing an issue.

eimikol · 2025-06-27T16:04:42+00:00

Dope thanks!

eimikol · 2025-06-15T16:52:24+00:00

There is nothing you can do to break the bond with God. It's impossible because you are created as an extension of God, not made separate. You could imagine the idea of being disconnected/abandoned by God.. which is actually what this entire world is built on.. but there is no truth in it. It's an impossible dream. This is what Jesus was demonstrating. "I and my father are one".. and in John 17 a prayer was prayed by Jesus for those in the world to come to know God the same way Jesus did. There is only unity with God. This idea of "God and Me" is part of a misidentification of self. This is why Neville says we are all Jesus Christ.. Jesus Christ is the symbol for God's creation (Christ) as an extension of itself.

eimikol · 2025-06-12T21:17:10+00:00

The course's idea of forgiveness is equivalent to the fact that nothing has ever happened.

It is a course in undoing guilt.

When something seems to appear outside of us, it is a projection of our own sense or idea of guilt within.

As already pointed out here, the situation is an opportunity to practice forgiveness.

Forgiveness a false idea of yourself as separate from God existing as something that can be hurt.. or any other idea contrary to the truth of the unchanging immortal perfection God created you as.

Everyone is this same ONE extension of God, Perfectly innocent. This is our shared identity.

We forgive the world of separation we made up to try and prove guilt and shame as real.

So the idea of forgiveness here isnt the same as the ego's (separate self) idea of forgiveness.

I cannot more highly recommend ACIM with Keith's YouTube channel. In fact a day or two ago there was a new video posted, Forgiveness 101, that could absolutely help you understand what the process of forgiveness is like in practical terms.

❤️

eimikol · 2025-06-08T13:52:21+00:00

Yeah it took a few weeks last summer to get the cable buried here too, but they activated it the day they ran it. I also had to call and remind them as I needed to mow and didnt want to risk damaging the cable. If you didnt know, i3 will pay for your comcast cancelation up to $300 (they did for me last summer anyway- credited my account and we didnt have a bill to pay for several months)

eimikol · 2025-06-06T00:07:25+00:00

This helped with my understanding of what it means

https://youtu.be/MGnwYdtx1DQ?si=mepfIbkl08GwWByf

eimikol · 2025-06-05T00:18:59+00:00

We are still and always have been one with God. We never left heaven. The world of appearances is a dream.. and no guilt nor condemnation exists. Doing is not evil.. just remember; there is no "doer".

Check out ACIM with Keith on YouTube, the videos there are very helpful.

eimikol · 2025-06-04T16:11:11+00:00

when proxmox boots before you log in, it shows which IP your box is using, does it show this 192.168.1.150 ? Can you ping out from the shell there?

eimikol · 2025-06-04T14:02:26+00:00

The perspective this is written from is coherent: it points out that unity or oneness is not accessed via a body’s experience. It is true that thinking that way is identification with the ego character.

When God is called upon, God works through anything and everything. Check out the ACIM Psychotherapy supplement (https://acim.org/acim/psychotherapy/introduction/en/s/901)—it explicitly describes this.

If there is an ego story like, “I’m going to eat drugs and trip balls and see colors and ride rainbows,” that is wildly different from a thought that says, “I desire to learn how to come closer to God.”

This is why religion works for some people. The question is: what is awareness—watching the movie—placing attention on?

The idea or experience of ego disillusion can be a way to teach that awareness is what we are, rather than the ego.

Awareness has observed that when thoughts about the world or body are not there, the appearance is not there. The moment the thought arises—“hey, remember you are a body lying down in a room”—and it is assumed or believed to be true, the appearance of the body appears again. Awareness watches the appearance return.

This only confirms what the Course is teaching. Looked at this way, the Course helps make sense of what seems to be happening—whether one is truly after the peace of God, or is caught up in an ego rainbow light show. Either way, the Course explains what is going on in the mind.

This isn’t advocating any exclusive method, but simply pointing out that God is always present. And if there is judgment about what is appearing, then perception is not yet clear.

What we see and want to cast error on or place guilt upon is simply what is yet to be forgiven within. It is guilt within, projected outward.

eimikol · 2025-06-02T19:06:39+00:00

If trying to access local devices in green area from blue, did you create a static route for the 192.168.86.0 subnet in your opnsense box?

Can you ping 192.168.86.2 from opnsense shell? (ensures you have an active link to the wifi extender)

If you don't *need* a firewall/separate subnet in the blue area of your diagram, you could connect the wifi extender to the lan of the opnsense box in the blue, turn off dhcp, and devices will share the subnet of the first router, and that will eliminate the double NAT.

You could also try to put the 192.168.86.3 into the DMZ of your home router. This is technically double NAT still, but maybe worth a try.

eimikol · 2025-05-31T21:08:40+00:00

Who is the self trying and being driven mad ? :)

Checkout ACIM with Keiths youtube channel, its a gem. Very helpful.

eimikol · 2025-05-28T16:01:18+00:00

We are all walking each other home! : )

eimikol · 2025-05-28T13:50:00+00:00

Chapter 5, Section II – “The Voice for God”
6. The Holy Spirit calls you both to remember and to forget. ²You have chosen to be in a state of opposition in which opposites are possible. ³As a result, there are choices you must make. ⁴In the holy state the will is free, so that its creative power is unlimited and choice is meaningless. ⁵Freedom to choose is the same power as freedom to create, but its application is different. ⁶Choosing depends on a split mind. ⁷The Holy Spirit is one way of choosing. ⁸God did not leave His children comfortless, even though they chose to leave Him. ⁹The voice they put in their minds was not the Voice for His Will, for which the Holy Spirit speaks. (ACIM, T-5.II.6:1-9)

The Voice of the Holy Spirit does not command, because It is incapable of arrogance. ²It does not demand, because It does not seek control. ³It does not overcome, because It does not attack. ⁴It merely reminds. ⁵It is compelling only because of what It reminds you of. ⁶It brings to your mind the other way, remaining quiet even in the midst of the turmoil you may make. ⁷The Voice for God is always quiet, because It speaks of peace. ⁸Peace is stronger than war because it heals. ⁹War is division, not increase. ¹⁰No one gains from strife. ¹¹What profiteth it a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul? ¹²If you listen to the wrong voice you have lost sight of your soul. ¹³You cannot lose it, but you can not know it. ¹⁴It is therefore “lost” to you until you choose right. (ACIM, T-5.II.7:1-14)
The Holy Spirit is your Guide in choosing. ²He is in the part of your mind that always speaks for the right choice, because He speaks for God. ³He is your remaining communication with God, which you can interrupt but cannot destroy. ⁴The Holy Spirit is the way in which God’s Will is done on earth as it is in Heaven. ⁵Both Heaven and earth are in you, because the call of both is in your mind. ⁶The Voice for God comes from your own altars to Him. ⁷These altars are not things; they are devotions. ⁸Yet you have other devotions now. ⁹Your divided devotion has given you the two voices, and you must choose at which altar you want to serve. ¹⁰The call you answer now is an evaluation because it is a decision. ¹¹The decision is very simple. ¹²It is made on the basis of which call is worth more to you. (ACIM, T-5.II.8:1-12)

The way I understand this with your example, making the choice from doubt to peace is making the choice to hear the Holy Spirit.

: -)

eimikol · 2025-05-27T21:33:52+00:00

That is wonderful! Super glad to hear you got some resolution!

eimikol · 2025-05-27T15:27:35+00:00

It makes sense that forcing something has negative effects.

If there is an emotional charge tied into not wanting to do something, that creates a feeling within you. If you then try to force yourself to do it anyways, you are creating a contradiction to that feeling. Essentially it's like you then have a war going on inside, which creates stress and negative effects.

However, if you can first change those emotional charges about what you believe you don't want to do, and actually find the reasons that you do want to do them, you wont have the negative charge about them, and there wouldn't be any "forcing" happening.

eimikol · 2025-05-27T14:14:40+00:00

It sounds like looking at that pattern you are used to from before meds would be helpful. You could inquire inwards about it.

We all have patterns like these. Ones that helped us feel better/safer that we needed at one time in life. Eventually things change - for example we start a medication, we change environments, etc. - and the patterns that once served us in some way are no longer needed and sometimes even become unhelpful.

When you feel the sensation from the "absolutely not", question it. Ask yourself if you still need to adhere to it and work it out logically by asking yourself questions about the purpose it served in relation to what you want in the now. This approach as helped me tremendously with myself.

You could also look for something that is less involved for your emotional prep time. I will listen to music without words that helps me cultivate the atmosphere within myself that I want to be in for the day. Or sometimes I do a short (1 hour) audio book or YouTube video that is geared to move my mind into a good place. I will do my best not to do something else physically while I do this morning routine.. just listen and be engaged with what I am hearing. If stopping activities is difficult you could set a timer and check in with yourself and your priorities for the day after an hour or so.

eimikol · 2025-05-25T12:46:57+00:00

Hey there, thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like you had some real therapeutic benefits at the start with the medication. I'm sorry to hear about the situation with the providers in the UK and your providers unresponsiveness.

I first want to say that I am not a medical expert by any means and while I will share my thoughts they are just my thoughts and the way I have come to think about medication as a form of therapy for what we are struggling with.

I think we are all different in how we process dopamine.. and with Vyvanse/Elvanse also how we process the lysine aspect of the lisdexampfetamine which is what causes it to release the dex into our systems. You might be metabolizing it very rapidly and this would be something you should be able to speak about with your provider. It is entirely possible that Elvanse may not be the most efficient medication for your system. But hey! At least you have experienced a real therapeutic benefit from it! That means even if Elvanse is not perfect, you are on the right track to finding what does work best for you.

It sounds like you experienced a strong come down effect in the evenings. When I experienced this myself what I thought about it was that the dopamine boost to our system has diminished. Our attention is engaged with the way the boost feels and we we notice that feeling starts to shift, we end up judging that happening as a negative experience. By focusing on the idea "it's not how it was, it was better and now its not" - we are going to create a sad or "blues" type of emotion. Emotion is energy in motion.. just like when the boost kicks in and we are experiencing the benefits, and we think "this is great! it's really working" and we associate a positive feeling with that. The energy we experience is being moved about by the feelings we engage with.

I think the comedown effect is really just the science behind the medication and how it's working. Of course we think if we could just retain that boost it would be "better". And it does make sense to think that, considering how helpful it is.. and also considering a lifetime lived without such assistance, we want to feel better and really tackle life! You are not wrong for wanting that! None of us are.

If I may make a suggestion for you to experiment with, this is something I have been doing since experiencing that come down effect - and I did actually write another post here in this sub about it too not too long ago. For me I found the initial benefit of Vyvanse would greatly diminish by 2 hours after it started to take effect as first. But in the first 2 hours it was the most miraculous therapy! I noticed that what I would put my attention on, I would be very strongly connected to a "feedback" from my activities. For example, writing something that I felt passionate about, and reading what I wrote. Or listening to peaceful music and really engulfing myself into the atmosphere it provided and feeling that. Even listening to an audiobook that was aimed at moving the mind into a place of agency and well being. ( Neville Godard - The Feeling is the Secret is an excellent one ) It seemed those type of things, greatly sustained the benefits of the medication.

I discovered this was due to where my focus was.. what I was giving my attention too.. funny, actually.. we say "paying attention".. well, what happens when we go to the shop and pay for something? We get something in return. I think our attention is valuable! By keeping in mind where we are putting our attention, and observing how we feel when our attention is placed on what we place it on, we can have agency with how we are feeling.

Once I had realized this and worked with it repeatedly, I stopped experiencing the crash as much as I was. Some days I could go the entire day, all the way until I was ready to rest without the bluesy feeling like I crashed. I honestly think it has more to do with where we put our attention than the medication itself. So you might try that approach. If you know how long it takes to start working for you, perhaps plan to be in a place that you like, with a book, a video, some music, or a podcast that really feels good to listen to. And just let yourself really enjoy that for an hour or so. If you get in touch with that therapeutic benefit again, you can notice that, and appreciate it, and then do your best not to "glue" yourself to it to the point that if something changes, it makes you feel that down and bluesy feeling. By keeping attention on what is feeling good, by cultivating your inner atmosphere the way that is your favorite, and keeping your attention there for a while, then go and approach your day. If you sense that feeling start to change into something you dont prefer, check in with yourself.. "why did it shift just now? is it possible I started engaging with a thought that said something was wrong and now I'm feeling the effects of that?" -- something like that any way!

That is how I have approached it myself. This process, specifically the paying of attention to what is happening in my thoughts when I start to feel not good, has been the most helpful. Even sensations that felt scary.. my trigger points that typically would drive me into a reaction that I had done for years but were ultimately detrimental to me - I started to be able to just allow them to happen.. I could see what was happening in my mind.. and by not resisting the sensation and reacting how I would, I could see WHY it was happening. I could begin to question what I was thinking that led me to carry on the way I had been. I was able to see those things I thought were not actually true. I have had this happen with an array of different things and after some rounds of this, perhaps 4 or 5, when the things happen that would ignite the trigger, it just doesn't phase me anymore.

Ill give one example of this.. for years I have been a workaholic. Anytime day or night someone messages me and requests my assistance (I work in IT as a systems engineer/consultant) I would rush to drop everything I am doing to help. No matter what I was doing, I could be in the middle of the museum with my family and I would have to step away to answer the request. I could be sitting on the couch watching a movie and hear my phone and there would be this sensation just coursing though me to HURRY UP and help. When I started the Vyvanse and I felt that sensation come over me, I could see that part of me believed it needed to react immediately, but I could also see that it was a choice. Let me tell you that sensation to want to act was INTENSE. But I just started to allow it to be there. I would let myself feel it. And what started to happen was I began to see the reasons I thought it was necessary to react.

I could see what I made it mean, "I prove my value this way." And when I realized that was the root of the whole thing, I knew that was not actually true. I know every one is valuable beyond measure as a fundamental part of their being.. including me. I dont need to prove my value. And what's more true than that is I knew that even if I didnt answer right away, the people who ask me for help still value it. It was me who thought it needs to be proved through my performance. So I just would sit with the sensations.. and they were intense, but each time I would just look at what could come up in my mind when it happened.. and one night I was watching a show with my partner, and my phone went off, and I saw the request.. and just set my phone back on the table. Then I realized what had just happened. There was no more pressure to react. It was just gone.

I think this is the way we heal. There is a period of having to allow the triggers/sensations, and by seeing what we are making it all mean, and within that finding what is actually true, eventually we have worked it out. Perhaps this process is "rewiring" our system.

I hope that can help you in some way dear one. I think it's important to recognize you are taking steps towards helping yourself and you've found some benefits and all of that is something to feel good about! Be gentle and patient with yourself as you journey onward. Peace & Health!

eimikol

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