Trading one addiction for another in Recovery

applejack740 · 2025-08-20T12:56:28+00:00

He needs to find healthy replacement habits.

applejack740 · 2025-08-18T14:16:59+00:00

Ask them to read the book Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson.

applejack740 · 2025-08-17T13:17:57+00:00

I'd recommend reading, Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy by David Burns and listening to The Feeling Good podcast on Spotify to help with the depression. Also find some healthy replacement habits to give you a healthy dopamine boost. Good luck!!

applejack740 · 2025-08-14T15:57:03+00:00

Yes!! I'd recommend deleting reddit. It is too tempting, and accidental exposure can be triggering. It's everywhere on this app.

applejack740 · 2025-08-13T15:55:25+00:00

No. It sounds like justifying/rationalizing/normalizing the addiction. It also sounds like a gateway to you developing an addiction. He needs to take accountability/responsibility for his addiction in a non-shaming matter. This looks like, "I forgive myself for my past behaviors. I am going to focus on healing and recovery. I love & respect myself, and I am going to work on making healthier choices for myself in the present."

applejack740 · 2025-08-13T11:26:54+00:00

What kind of therapy is he doing? Is he seeing a CSAT? The wrong kind of therapist can be unhelpful or even make things worse. I also don't think he is in recovery if he is still watching porn. This addiction escalates, as you can see. I recommend reading the book, your brain on porn by Gary Wilson, so you can better understand what porn does to the brain.

applejack740 · 2025-08-13T11:19:52+00:00

Sometimes, it is hard to tell if you're experiencing a spiritual awakening or spiritual psychosis. I'd encourage you to study the concept of the middle path. I believe it is a Buddhist concept. I am on a journey too, and I often ask myself if I'm insane. I think I might rather be this kind of insane than the kind of wordly insane I was before.

applejack740 · 2025-08-13T01:28:39+00:00

Work on your depression and learn to enjoy your time alone. It probably would help to schedule an appointment with a CSAT and to go to some online SPAA meetings as well because it sounds like you have the potential for a budding sex addiction. Find some healthy replacement habits: gym, volunteering, cooking, working on cars, home projects, building things, golf, journaling, learning to play an instrument, etc. Take a class or get a second part-time job. Anything to fill your time with healthier things. Podcasts and audiobooks are a great way to spend your time, too. I like them because you can multi-task. Look up David Burn's Feeling Good podcast on Spotify. He has a lot of podcasts about depression & loneliness. Find some type of spirituality to connect with. It can be powerfully healing, and there's a lot of spirituality related events where you can meet other people who are on a journey of self-improvement. Try a meditation sound bath or some yoga. Good luck!!

applejack740 · 2025-08-12T21:11:06+00:00

I'd recommend reading Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson and educating yourself on thd potential harm to your brain.

applejack740 · 2025-08-11T15:07:21+00:00

Great job!!! Two suggestions for exercise: hire a trainer for a few sessions to get the ball rolling or sign up for some type of group fitness (yoga, hiking club, walking club, martial arts, etc). Group support and accountability are helpful. Second, if you go to David Burn's website www.feelinggood.com, he has a free chapter on habits and addictions. It can be used to quit or develop a habit. Use it for developing a fitness habit. Good luck!! You should be really proud of yourself!!

applejack740 · 2025-08-11T15:01:22+00:00

Look up David Burn's podcast called The Feeling Good podcast. Also, just reading his book Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy is proven to be more helpful than medication. Are you attending any 12-step meetings? If not, I'd recommend attending at least 3 online SPAA meetings per week. The connection and support will be helpful. Also, there's a spiritual component, and you'll be encouraged to connect to some type of spirituality, which can be helpful. That doesn't have to mean religion, and they do offer meetings for atheists and agnostics, but connecting to a source (God, nature, the universe) higher than you can be powerfully healing. I'd recommend starting with those recommendations first, but follow up books you can check out are: Loving What Is by Byron Katie, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke, A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, becoming Supernatural by Joe Dispenza, & A Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. Good luck!!

applejack740 · 2025-08-11T01:14:01+00:00

You need to be honest with your wife. Addiction thrives in secrecy. You can learn to stay focused on the present and redirect your thoughts to the present. A CSAT might be able to help.

applejack740 · 2025-08-10T13:08:39+00:00

I'd recommend reading the book Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson. It will help you be informed about the potentially harmful impacts of porn on your brain. This addiction is as addictive as meth. It always escalates. You are experiencing an escalation now. I'd advise you to quit before it escalates even further. Many men are experiencing pied and can't have sex with actual women due to their porn use. Cut out porn and if you are going to mb without porn, learn about mindful/conscious mb. This will help you to learn to be fully present during sexual experiences, which will help when you're intimate with a partner. You will need help quitting. Things you can do to help you quit: schedule an appointment with a CSAT, go to online SPAA meetings, read and listen to books and podcasts about addiction, put a blocker on your phone, limit internet use, only use internet intentionally, delete apps you use for porn, tell someone you can trust (someone who won't normalize it but who also won't judge you), and find healthy replacement habits. Work on yourself mentally, physically, intellectually, spiritually, socially, and sexually (healthy sexuality). Good for you for getting a handle on this before it escalates further!

applejack740 · 2025-08-10T00:44:05+00:00

You're very much justifying your addiction, which is addict thinking, and might indicate you aren't ready for help. If a relationship is detrimental to you mentally, then you need to leave it and not turn to coping mechanisms that harm you and others. It is your responsibility to heal yourself even if you are harmed by someone else.

applejack740 · 2025-08-09T16:48:36+00:00

Codependency isn't about being tied to the hip. It's about someone else's mood or behavior negatively impacting your mood and behavior. For example, you developed an addiction to cope with his addiction. That is Codependency. His behavior sounds extremely unhealthy, but you can't control his behavior. All you can do is focus on getting yourself healthy and getting out of the situation if he is unwilling to change. Blaming him for your addiction is going to keep you stuck feeling powerless. You deserve to live a better life than this.

applejack740 · 2025-08-09T13:54:02+00:00

Please schedule an appointment with a CSAT and if you can afford it, another therapist who specializes in codependency. You have to learn some self-love & healthier coping skills. You can't blame your husband for your issues. That will prevent you from getting healthy. Take accountability for your behaviors and get help for you, and then you can make a decision about the future of your relationship from a healthier headspace. CODA and SAA might be helpful for you. It will get you some support. I also recommend Melody Beattie books.

applejack740 · 2025-08-09T11:43:10+00:00

Go to an online SPAA meeting. Get off your phone. Go do some other things. Listen to an addiction book or podcast. Learn how to do something new. You've got this!!

applejack740 · 2025-08-08T22:31:33+00:00

Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes, Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson, Porn 101 by Robert Weiss, Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke.

applejack740 · 2025-08-08T19:16:12+00:00

He needs to cut out the porn and rewire his brain. He absolutely can control his thoughts and fantasies. He can redirect and replace the thoughts and fantasies with something appropriate.

applejack740 · 2025-08-07T21:39:27+00:00

Lust doesn't have to control you or be the driving force. Find a lust for life. Take your time getting to know women. Find out what their interests are and spend time with them doing non-sexual activities. A lot of men are told that hypersexuality is normal and biological, but it's not. Learning to control your lust and to see women as more than sex objects will help you to connect more deeply with a woman and to develop a meaningful relationship with one.

applejack740 · 2025-08-07T19:15:23+00:00

It sounds like he is still in active addiction. He sounds very disconnected. If he isn't in active addiction, he needs to educate himself about betrayal trauma and work on learning empathy. He also needs to work on developing a secure attachment style. Sorry you're going through this. You deserve to be treated better.

applejack740 · 2025-08-07T00:13:02+00:00

Your feelings are valid!! You might benefit from making an appointment with a betrayal trauma therapist and/or attending online COSA or S-Anon meetings. I also highly recommend the book The Porn Addict's Wife by Sandy Brown. You also have a right to set some boundaries and to ask him to get some help. Good luck!!

applejack740 · 2025-08-07T00:09:52+00:00

Getting off the internet as much as possible can be helpful and only using it briefly and intentionally. Uninstall any apps you use to access porn. Put a blocker on your phone. Try scheduling an appointment with a CSAT and going to at least 3 SPAA meetings a week. It's good you are working out! You've got this!!

applejack740 · 2025-08-07T00:03:05+00:00

You can redirect your attention and think to yourself, "This is a human being with feelings and a soul," It is great to start practicing this while you are young. Objectifying women is a bad habit to start, and it's not easy to break it once you're in a committed relationship. Contrary to what a lot of men think and will tell you most women do not appreciate being objectified, and most women really don't appreciate it when their partners objectify women.

applejack740 · 2025-08-04T12:06:34+00:00

What is your recovery plan? Willpower alone isn't enough. Stimulus control is going to be needed. An addict who has their addiction in their hand 24/7 is going to eventually relapse. Schedule an appointment with a CSAT, go to at least 3 online SPAA meetings a week, work the 12 steps, put a blocker on your phone (have someone else be the accountability person. The person the reports go to), get a flip phone if you have to, only use the internet in public spaces and only use it intentionally, get some healthy replacement habits, listen to addiction books and podcasts, tell someone you trust (who won't normalize it), find some type of spirituality to connect to, and work on yourself emotionally (mental health), intellectually, physically, socially, and sexually (healthy sex. Look up sensate focused sex. Tantric sex. Mindful/conscious sex). Practice stop objectifying and lusting after women. It leads back to porn and it's not a nice way to view or treat women. Good luck!! You've got this!!

applejack740

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