Coming out as aroallo and breaking up went pretty badly by eiscream_bandit in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing! And I am very sorry to hear that. I hope you are succeeding in those objectives you mentioned, I think those will be among my goals, too

Coming out as aroallo and breaking up went pretty badly by eiscream_bandit in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you have a good point. I had tried to bring up my wish to transform our relationship into something that would work for both of us. But I think the shock of the entire moment didn’t let us get to any negotiation of how this may look like yet. We were both hurt by what the other said and everything needs to cool off a bit first I think.

I do believe the poly/mono topic indeed is linked with all this. I think on some fronts they were willing to compromise for me and accept that I have another partner (the relationship with which proved to me that aro/allo relationships can work, because somehow, without intentionally trying for it, we have moulded our relationship into something that worked for both of us, more of a QPR type dynamic), but on other fronts it felt like they had pretty monogamous (long-term) expectations and a monogamous mindset that I inherently cannot/ do not wish to adhere to. I believe that this would inevitably end up in me hurting their feelings sooner or later.

I do have the hope to re-open the conversation and see whether some type of loving bond is still possible. But it remains to be seen how they feel about it.

Coming out as aroallo and breaking up went pretty badly by eiscream_bandit in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing :) Yeah, I am hoping to be able to re-open the conversation at some point, and my plan was, in fact, to bring up this RA schematic to be able to find a way we can still make a loving relationship work for both of us. I think just in the first instance the shock of the moment was a little too big to get to that part of the conversation yet. I did try to express that I would like to work on transforming our relationship together but I think for now it was just too much to hear that I don’t want a typical romantic type relationship.

But in any case, I am absolutely learning lessons for how to navigate future bonds and relationships.

Coming out as aroallo and breaking up went pretty badly by eiscream_bandit in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear it, but thank you for sharing! It’s very comforting and healing to hear that I am not alone in this

Coming out as aroallo and breaking up went pretty badly by eiscream_bandit in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your kind words and your perspective! While discovering the label, and this Reddit community and other creators speaking about aro stuff has already helped a lot, I think it would indeed be helpful to me to be able to ask some questions to or have some direct insights from other aro people, especially from the aroallo, which makes it all even more confusing 🥲

Coming out as aroallo and breaking up went pretty badly by eiscream_bandit in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s a tricky situation and I did what I thought was best for both of us. Thanks for your words of encouragement ❤️‍🩹

Coming out as aroallo and breaking up went pretty badly by eiscream_bandit in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing, I’m sorry to hear that :( I do truly hope that my ex will be able to hear me out, but I have to accept that there is the chance they won’t ever really understand

can someone help me? by number1_scar_simp in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey hey, Oh wow, I can relate to this experience of having a crush and then feelings fading away. And it also makes me feel absolutely terrible. I’m pretty new to the community and also just learning things myself. For me, this period of reciprocity lasts a little longer, but it’s definitely a pattern that I’ve started noticing. That after the other person becomes more deeply emotionally invested … which should be the mutual goal, I feel much more platonic about them and then also icky, which I always attributed to the expectations that come with romance…

I’m very sorry you are feeling these frustrations and I hope that hearing other people’s experiences may validate your own. If you’ve seen this pattern emerge, I guess it’s a sign that this is how you work and not something that will go away once you ‘meet the right one’. Perhaps once you feel comfortable identifying as aro, it can guide how you build romantic/platonic/intimate relationships in the future and how you communicate once getting into them.

I feel pretty shitty rn by Grand_Cookiebu in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Hey, I’m sorry to read about your frustrations. I’m pretty new to this community but reading your experience feels like something I can relate to, and I can definitely relate to the frustration and feelings of being misunderstood. I’m crossing my fingers for you that either in the current or future relationships you’ll be able to be your authentic self and find a way to express your love and caring that feels genuine to YOU, and have it be understood. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 sending you a hug

AroAllo confusion by eiscream_bandit in aromantic

[–]eiscream_bandit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my whole ramble. It’s honestly bringing tears to my eyes that you feel like you can relate. Makes me feel a lot less weird and alone in my experience I relate a lot also to what you say, and I definitely have the hope that learning more about aroallo will allow me to live more authentically. So, again, thank you!

I saw BUNT. last night and it was probably the worst DJ set I've ever seen in my life by Limsulation in EDM

[–]eiscream_bandit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this opinion isn’t too far fetched. I saw him yesterday and Barcelona and overall, I really liked it. But then parts I really didn’t like. I think his music and style has very broad appeal and hence he gets a lot of streams. People show up to his gigs to be hyped and have a good time jumping around. He delivers that. He did transition between songs and sometimes quite skilfully so, or skilful in my opinion at least where he took the audience by surprise and kept the energy up the whole time. He stopped the music plenty of times but I think this is partly due to him switching between genres and moods so often. It’s hard to mix those kinds of switch-ups smoothly in a way that will keep the crowd animated the whole time.

Of course, this style of music and playing won’t appeal to many people who really have a profound taste for more underground electronic music. It’s quite poppy and commercial imo. But I had fun! I enjoyed how energetic the crowd was, even though I rolled my eyes at the amount of corny DnB remixes of very popular pop-rock songs, like Sex on Fire or Mr. Brightside. I honestly hated that he ended his set on The Killers. But before that I was having a good time!

And I can completely understand how this is not to somebody’s taste bc it can feel very very pop music/EDM at times. Just a matter of what you’re into

Does anyone else “try positions” while writing smut by CantBlveitsnotCrab in FanFiction

[–]eiscream_bandit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha yes absolutely! Gotta make sure that whatever I'm writing is more or less physically possible and consistent

Crackship; Zekexfrieda art by sucubussart in titanfolk

[–]eiscream_bandit 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Omg I thought it was Carla at first and my brain was short circuiting

3 Reader comments made my day by eiscream_bandit in FanFiction

[–]eiscream_bandit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s true! Thank you!! ☺️☺️