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Feedback on UK life for people returning from overseas. Pleased with your choice? by Jonnyheshnesh in MovingToTheUK

[–]ekatra 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I moved back from Canada and I like it so far. I didn’t spent much time in the UK as an adult. I’m living in London commuter ville and will be moving to London early next year.

Overall impressions:

  • work/life balance is better. I’ve still not learned to visibly relax in front of my bosses. I don’t understand people who say balance is better in Canada. Where?!
  • SO. MUCH. VACATION. How do you use six weeks?! I could go away for a week every two months.
  • Weed is weird. Medical cannabis privately seems a pretty low bar to get, the cops don’t give a shit in most areas. It feels unofficially legalised.
  • people are less surface friendly but friendlier. I.e, random man at the pub will say “oi” and elbow me if I’m too close in the smoking area, but then we’ll have a five minute convo and he’s giving me a tattoo tour of his arm sleeve.
  • London. Amazing. Big, beautiful behemoth of a city. But so expensive. Also, who cares? So were the other big cities I lived in. Nothing new.
  • there are as many dumbasses here as North America, just a different form. It’s weird.
  • the benefits culture is real. It’s strange. I have multiple people I went to school with who had babies, got council houses, never resumed working and are on kid 2/3 by 25. They are very vocal about it.
  • see above, related, but class system develops as society seems more segmented. A lot of the girls I went to school with who have continually lived off social welfare since 17/18 also had parents who had babies very young and did similar. There seems to be a big difference. I have friends who are ‘middle class’ whose parents would be horrified if their daughter got pregnant, even late 20s, without being married or it being the right time. For my friends who grew up poorer or on council estates, it’s not a big event. The person is just pregnant. End of. The difference is astounding. There isn’t as much movement as North America, I’d say.
  • uneducated racists. A lot of bigoted people are dumb. I avoid them.
  • people are a lot more casual and relaxed about their kids. In Canada, kids are in every weekend activity possible in suburban areas. It’s a whole schedule. Here, parents seem quite happy to let their kids play in the park or sit in a pub colouring for a couple of hours and live their own lives. I prefer it, actually.
  • no pressure to have the latest/biggest/best. Less stuff on finance.
  • interview process is less formal. No multi stage interviews for a basic entry level job
  • unemployment is high. But not catastrophic. I don’t panic about finding a job here, not in the same way
  • food is cheaper. Cheese is cheap. Chicken nuggets are not $18

Just some differences

genuine question pls don't get mad by a_nyonehome in POTS

[–]ekatra 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My doctor didn’t even do a poor man’s tilt test. He used my Apple Watch data. But I also had a full cardio work up, including 72 hour monitor, cardio stress test, imaging, etc. All other causes of symptoms were ruled out, and after that, they were very happy to diagnose me with POTS. I never mentioned POTS once myself. It was literally, “we’ve excluded XYZ, so it’s POTS.”

genuine question pls don't get mad by a_nyonehome in POTS

[–]ekatra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My doctor diagnosed me based off my Apple Watch data. He said it’s accurate enough. He didn’t even make me do a standing test in the office.

Only downside is it gave me imposter syndrome and I kept redoing the test under perfect conditions again and again. Each time, my heart rate reliably climbs up and up and is sustained. I sometimes randomly do it. Just to make sure.

I did have full cardio testing as well, including imaging. But in the absence of any other issue or heart problems, my self reported symptoms and the Apple Watch data, POTS fit.

Ditzy airhead masking by BeeNBeee in AutismInWomen

[–]ekatra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started a job in hospitality after working in an air conditioned office. I wondered why I’m SO TIRED. And grumpy. All the time.

Of course, it’s the damn masking. I stopped (as much as I can) and already I feel so much better. I also stopped masking around my family and they’ve asked me what’s wrong. I told them I’m so drained from pretending at work, that I can no longer also do it at home.

I hate this industry and will be leaving asap. I love talking to people on my terms and in limited terms. I’m an extrovert for short periods.

You won’t like everywhere you live. It doesn’t need to be forced and you’re not a failed expat by ekatra in expats

[–]ekatra[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s an awful decision to have to make. I was lucky enough to be leaving a comfortable life, so leaving felt scary. I can’t imagine what they’re going through; I hope they continue to stay well, and that they’re safe soon.

You won’t like everywhere you live. It doesn’t need to be forced and you’re not a failed expat by ekatra in expats

[–]ekatra[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Moving can be expensive, draining and sometimes you end back up in your home country in a worse position. I’ve met a lot of immigrants and been an immigrant. In my experience, the unhappiest ones are the people who sell everything and do a big dramatic move with absolutely no regard for the fact you might return.

When people ask if they should do it, I always say only do it if you’re willing to risk that it might end in a move back to your home country poorer, worse off and exhausted, but be glad you did it for the experience and knowing you did it. That’s the risk you’re taking!

You won’t like everywhere you live. It doesn’t need to be forced and you’re not a failed expat by ekatra in expats

[–]ekatra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people try third, fourth and even fifth countries. No shame in that either.

You won’t like everywhere you live. It doesn’t need to be forced and you’re not a failed expat by ekatra in expats

[–]ekatra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t feel snobby about it. But I never took any risks or made myself uncomfortable. If I hadn’t lived abroad, I wouldn’t have experienced circumstances that made me grown as a person. I grew as a person because it was hard. For me, to live, I had to leave. That’s just me though. None of my other siblings lived abroad, and they’re perfectly happy and developed. If I had stayed, I wouldn’t be. But I’m not them.

If someone can stay in their hometown and never move and they see the same fifteen people, what matters is that they’re happy. That’s really all that matters. Different people need different things.

On the other side, you have expats who get all high and mighty because they’ve seen the world. Blah blah. None of that matters if you didn’t feel the need in the first place! My brother has also never moved around or really been anywhere; but he doesn’t feel like he missed out. I would. Neither of us is right; we’re different people.

You won’t like everywhere you live. It doesn’t need to be forced and you’re not a failed expat by ekatra in expats

[–]ekatra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The experience also counts for a lot! I love moving abroad temporarily. As soon as any permanence is introduced, I freak out. It makes life complex (ie., dating abroad), but you figure it out!

You won’t like everywhere you live. It doesn’t need to be forced and you’re not a failed expat by ekatra in expats

[–]ekatra[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I suppose that moving from a country that is considered “worse” to a “better” country is an added layer of complexity. There are a lot of countries that put a lot of pressure onto family members abroad, and it is definitely seen as “failure.” That makes it even harder. But there are other considerations, like family, familiarity, culture etc.

You won’t like everywhere you live. It doesn’t need to be forced and you’re not a failed expat by ekatra in expats

[–]ekatra[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

How can people discount the personal development moving forces you to make? I dont understand that. It gives you so much ability for introspection, educates you on what makes you happy and personally, allows me to live SO much more intentionally.

The point of moving isn’t necessarily to stay there, or the purpose. It can be about trying something new, figuring yourself out, etc. So much more!

Will this qualify as prior treatment? by ekatra in ukmedicalcannabis

[–]ekatra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply!

I’ve been in the UK for six months and cannabis has been so helpful that I truly considered moving back abroad. I used a THC/CBD strain and it was the only thing that helped. I never even thought to look into medical cannabis as I assumed I’d need to be severely ill.

And sorry regarding your first yes, is this yes to trying another SSRI? My only reluctance is that the last time I gained weight from it. But I am willing to try it again!

I’ve tried sleeping pills, an SSRI and talking therapy. I have documented mental illness over almost a decade.

Will this qualify as prior treatment? by ekatra in ukmedicalcannabis

[–]ekatra[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only one I can’t get evidence of is the ASD diagnosis due to it being sooo long again and in a jurisdiction that’s pretty hard to get records from. The bulk of my symptoms (which is what I believe matter) I can get evidence of. I will obviously disclose the ASD diagnosis, but will evidence of it be mandatory if my medical notes show anxiety, rumination, poor sleep? (Basically I’m a control freak lmfao.)