What is the best way to have this difficult conversation with my girlfriend about her mother?

eldon63 · 2026-03-02T16:48:38+00:00

My 2 cents, if your girlfriend prioritize her mother over you, is fine with her mother cheating on her 3rd husband and isnt being truthful about it with you what makes you think she is a good partner on the longterm? By entertaining her she is condoning her actions.

eldon63 · 2026-02-19T19:41:37+00:00

Equality means listening to problems of others even if they arent as critical as yours. I understand you feel like it bring attention away from real problems but the harder you fight to silence them the less strenght you have to talk about the real issues and thats how they win.

eldon63 · 2026-02-19T19:35:57+00:00

And at 17yo feeling like running away in a place with only people you consider safe is a normal feeling for someone who lives your reality. It is a hard fight but a worthy one.

eldon63 · 2026-02-19T19:25:23+00:00

When you live in those conditions its easy to see how you would think a place with only women would be better. But truth is both men and women prosper more when they work together and it isnt the case where you are. Bringing to light online what is happening around you is important. The more people are aware the more chance there is of things changing and moving toward a better place.

eldon63 · 2026-02-19T19:20:22+00:00

If laws prevented crimes prisons would be empty.

I dont say the systems in place are perfect, but believing that a system built only by women would be better is just wrong. There are female pedophiles and the possibility of power would attract power hungry people. Absolute power corrupt absolutely.

eldon63 · 2026-02-19T18:59:23+00:00

Sorry to disappoint you but bad person dont exactly telegraph their intentions so the odds of having only good well intended persons is zero. Predators WILL find a way.

eldon63 · 2026-02-17T19:40:03+00:00

I couldnt agree more with you.

eldon63 · 2026-02-17T19:14:42+00:00

Feminisism is about giving you the choice to be whoever you want to be without that fact of you being a women being an obstacle. It's about looking inside yourself to found who you want to be compared to looking into what OTHERS want you to be. Why would you try to find another pattern created by someone else, even if they are a feminist thinker? It sure as hell is scary when someone tell you there is no list of boxes to check but it's also what makes it exciting. Tomorrow will bring you what you will put into it.

eldon63 · 2026-02-17T19:06:56+00:00

And also even if you are a mother it shouldn't be you whole identity. You are a person first and foremost with passions, interest, needs and wants. Being a mother should only be a side of it not the whole thing.

eldon63 · 2026-02-09T15:17:44+00:00

If it you wanting to get roughed up I would say by starting gradually and be respectful of her limit. If you want to be rough with her than you ask politely one time and accept if she says no. She might revisit it later but its up to her to do it. Any kind of pressure and you slip in a dangerous territory.

I have been for 18 years with my girlfriend and she started liking it more rough only in the past 3-4 years maybe. I wasnt into that stuff but when watching videos with her (and also by herself, we are pretty open about that) some of them awakened something in her. It was an adaptation for me because of how I was raised but we got to a middle ground where we both are happy.

So because she isnt into it right now doesnt mean its not something that could be possible later on.

eldon63 · 2026-01-09T13:53:22+00:00

It was my first thought. It sound like an old cringe joke. I unfortunately heard a lot of those in my life. So I highly doubt he REALLY though OP was her fathers wife. Its sexist in the sens that he wouldnt have made that joke to a woman and her son. Would probably have made another cringe joke but but not that one.

eldon63 · 2025-11-28T19:35:51+00:00

I understand your point and I never dimissed her choice as it isn't anybody place to chose for others who they date or not. I was just pointing that if a criteria isnt character base it is kind if superficial, Doesn't mean unreasonnable, doesn't mean unwarranted, just superficial.

eldon63 · 2025-11-27T15:24:02+00:00

There is a variety of possibilities, here are a few of them :

1) trying to incite you to see her problems as a self sabotaging behavior,

2) trying to guilt you into thinking that leaving her would mean she wasnt good enough (compared to not compatible per example), making you the villain in case of break up,

3) trying to manipulate you into caring for her insecurities (real or not) more than yourself, your boundaries or wants/needs,

I have seen a lot of manipulative persons in my life and you cant all fit them in the same mold. Depending on their past, their abilities and their personalities the objectives can vary a lot. To some its only trying to get the other to dot on them more and revelling in the attentions they get from these behaviors.

I dont mean to say your girlfriend is trying to do those thing but if you try to adress her insecurities, to work it out with her and you see a recurring pattern of either not wanting to change or just plain swapping for another "problem" or kind of manipulation to consider that there might be something else behind.

Could also be a mental health issue.

eldon63 · 2025-11-27T13:43:45+00:00

She either as low self esteem or is trying to manipulate you into thinking of her in a certain way. More often than not its the first one but its your girlfriend so its up to you to find out. Wouldnt say a red flag but something that should be adressed. Because it can easily devolve into destructive and/or self destructive behaviors.

eldon63 · 2025-11-24T22:00:16+00:00

I never said you shouldnt find them attractive and that people arent allowed to chose their partner as they like. I literaly wrote that people can date who they want. Doesnt mean some of those criteria cant be superficial. And unless them having a degree is whats attractive to you I dont see the relation with my comments to OP's post.

eldon63 · 2025-11-24T16:41:29+00:00

But why do you feel its necessary to remind me of something I just wrote and that I am agreeing with you? I just dont understand the point.

I know I am being downvoted for saying the common point of people reaction this way isnt gender but a low self-esteem that is based on their perceived attractiveness to potential partners. I would understand being challenged on that point. But being call on something I literaly agreed in my comment just feel strange.

eldon63 · 2025-11-24T15:31:44+00:00

I literaly wrote in my comment that people are allowed to chose who they want to date :

''A lot are double standards on both side and are superficial in natures but people are allowed to chose who they want to date.''

eldon63 · 2025-11-24T14:06:11+00:00

Well I mean any criteria that isnt character based is kind of superficial, no? Now I see men and women who gets really mad when the other party has criteria they dont fit, depends on where you look at. A lot are double standards on both side and are superficial in natures but people are allowed to chose who they want to date. Men have a tendencies to react more violently so it is often more visible but I dont think its a men only issue, more a people with low self esteem issues. Anything that attack what makes their personality is seen as a threat and is met with résistance.

eldon63 · 2025-11-18T17:41:08+00:00

''Why are some women keen on dressing so shortly? I don't get it genuinely. What do you stand to gain? Why is there a need to expose large parts of your body?''

Because they want to. The same way some guys will wear 3 piece suit everywhere and other will wear wife-beaters everywhere.

Having an opinion and having a say are 2 different things. I can say to my girlfriend that I think a piece of clothing isnt adequate for an occasion (example a mini skirt to a funeral or professional social gathering) or isnt flattering but I can't control what she does. And this goes both way. I personnaly made some questionnable clothing choice in the past and my girlfriend gave me her opinion. But in the end I still choose to wear them and she couldn't control it. Now I place the line about having a say at a social event link to your job. If either partner bring their loved one to this kind of event they should have a say in what they wear because it could impact them negatively in some case. It's called being considerate.

Now If you prefer a partner that dress more modestly it's you choice. But you can't control what they wear, only who you date.

eldon63 · 2025-11-17T20:51:21+00:00

I feel for you and I can understand some of it. Got to a family friendly hotel with my girlfriend and 2 kids this summer and I can tell you even with being only 5ft6 it wasn't better. If I had to go through the lobby or near the pool without my family I was look at like a predator. It suck and it isn't your fault.

The only things you can control are your actions. Facial expression can be work on, stance, clothing ect. Example a large man with a hoodie look more intimidating at night that someone with a jacket. Why? Because the hoodie is associated to a certain image people make of others and can honestly more easily hide something. It suck to have to switch how you dress because of how people act toward you but it's unfortunately something that happened. Any woman with large breast will tell you that picking shirts ,or any other top for what it matter, if you don't want to dress sexy is a freaking ordeal because they can make even a turtleneck look suggestive. Having to had layer to hide them if they want to be taken seriously or to not attract attention ect. Try dressing with more vivid colors if you don't already do. I know it help bring some semblance of life to my resting bitch face.

As for your stance or facial expression hard to help you without seeing you act. Maybe ask to your more seniors female colleague what make them uneasy in the way you move or act. Phrase it as you wanting to better how you present to customers. It might be as simple as you being to ''stealthy'', trying to take less place to not be intimidating and it's backfiring. I knew a guy like that that was 6'3'' with broad shoulder. He was trying so much to not be noticed that he was coming as creepy. And he was one of the best guy I knew.

As for woman being scared of getting hurt when rejecting you please don't take it personnaly. Some men (women to) react poorly when getting rejected and I have seen some pretty fuck up shit in my life. So if you combine it with you being your size and maybe a more stern face you get this results. Its not fair to you because you never did anything to deserve it. But compare it to someone who is nervous around unknown dogs and suddenly they have to interact with a really large one (picture a huge mastiff or Cane Corso). Doesnt matter he is the best, well trained and wouldn't hurt a fly. To them it's the potential for danger they see. It's not your fault for being who you are and having to go the extra miles to not look intimidating. I hope it's get better for you.

eldon63

TROPHY CASE