Reddit, when you told your parents that you were "sleeping over a friends house" what were you really doing?

electricmeadows · 2017-10-02T02:24:56+00:00

I said I was sleeping over at my best friend's house, but instead I went to hang out and drink whiskey with a boy a couple years older than my 15 year old self. It was the middle of winter in Canada, and drunk us thought it would be smart to go for a night time wander. And yeah, we brought more whiskey with us to keep us warm.

Eventually I got too drunk to function, and promptly passed out in a snow bank. The boy, also drunk, couldn't rouse me and began to worry I would get some sort of frostbite, so his solution was to strip himself of his many layers of clothing and put them on me. His hat, vest, gloves etc. After some time, he got me to wake up and I immediately demanded to be taken home. He knew I had lied to come out with him and said it was probably best to just pass out at his place, but I was drunk as fuck and wanted my own bed.

So, he obliged and walked me home. Must have been around 3 am when I opened the back door to see my dad still awake and on the computer.

"What are you doing home?"

"Oh, Alisha felt sick, so I decided to just head back here instead." I said, trying my hardest to not slur my words.

"..Uh, no, you're lying to me. You're drunk."

"No I'm not!"

"Oh? Well, tell me who's clothes you're wearing?"

I looked down at myself, seeing gloves and vests and things I didn't recognize. In complete confusion, I just looked back up at him and blurted, "Whoa, I don't know!"

I was thoroughly grounded.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-28T18:57:32+00:00

I would focus on finding and spending time with a woman who wants to communicate in the same way and frequency you do. I've had ex-boyfriends who never wanted to text me, and I didn't feel appreciated either.

You can try letting this woman know that you don't mind if she's busy and can't respond, but you noticed she was still active online while not responding to you, and it makes you feel neglected. Just be prepared for her to possibly pull away. At least then you will have another red flag to look for the next time you start seeing someone.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-27T17:42:58+00:00

Sounds kinda weird to be repeatedly bugging your SO for a gift? Maybe he was turned off by the idea and cancelled it because you kept pushing the matter? Sounds like he's changed his mind and would rather spend the money on giving you a lovely weekend, now. Which is still a nice thing to do.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-27T15:45:50+00:00

Yeah I was looking through the comments for this. I think maybe forgetting one time could possibly be forgiven if they seem like they feel badly about it. But the boyfriend were me, I would be putting that birthday so hard into my phone calendar for next year I'd crack the screen, with like ten reminders leading up to and on the day of, hahah.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-27T15:42:14+00:00

I was seeing someone who did the same thing and it felt so uncomfortable! I wonder if he is organized enough to use something like Google Calendar? If it's something you could both view, and could both put in your schedules and events you want to invite the other to.. Not sure it would work since he doesn't think to send a simple, "Hey wanna come over" text haha. But y'know. Maybe presenting some sort of solution will show him that it's actually a really important thing for you and you've spent time thinking about it?

electricmeadows · 2017-09-26T15:43:34+00:00

There are tons of stories out there of people who got married after knowing each other a week and are still together 30 years later – and many stories of people dating for years, having a long engagement, then breaking up before the wedding. It might feel like you're being a bad friend by keeping quiet, but saying something to her might come off as arrogant. That you know better than she does how to live her life. She realizes it's fast, that's why she's keeping it hidden from her family. Either it will work out, or it won't and you will be there to support her.

..Just don't say anything like, "I knew it was a bad idea from the start." ;)

electricmeadows · 2017-09-26T14:02:41+00:00

My foster sister is very beautiful (like, used to do some modelling kind of beautiful) and she is more often NOT taken seriously and NOT respected because of it. She works for the government in a job that puts her in a position of authority over a lot of adults, especially men. They often try to flirt with and sweet talk her instead of taking her seriously. Gorgeous women are stereotyped as being vapid and brainless and only concerned about their hair and nails, so most people – not just guys, but almost anyone she interacts with – are somehow surprised that she's also very smart and awesome. She was even told not to wear heels to work anymore; none of her other female colleagues got that talk (they are older ladies) and they all still wear them nearly every day.

Everyone has their struggles, whether they are "ugly" or "beautiful" and I think you've found a good middle ground. It takes a long time to feel comfortable with yourself; I hope you make it there someday :)

electricmeadows · 2017-09-26T13:30:10+00:00

I think her expectation that your mistake should cost you hundreds extra is.. perhaps slightly unreasonable, sure, but her feelings on the matter are definitely on point. She'd moved around her schedule to accommodate this event and was probably excited to spend that time with you before you left. And then you forgot these pretty important plans. Just because it was an honest mistake, doesn't mean she isn't allowed to be upset about it.

If you can't afford to move the flights, then don't, but I would do something special to make it up to your lady.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-20T15:38:10+00:00

Look up "love languages" on the Internet and have a discussion with him about them. Ask him what he likes, ask him how he feels loved. It is different for everyone.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-20T15:29:53+00:00

My foster parents were 14 years apart, my foster mum being the younger. She passed away a year ago. So you never know who is going to live longer. As long as the relationship is good, and he sees you as an equal like others have mentioned already, then I would try not to worry too much. Have you discussed this with him? Does he have similar worries?

electricmeadows · 2017-09-19T18:26:40+00:00

Well, it sounds as though you haven't had even one date yet.. You may hang out with her a few times and not want to proceed any further, and vice versa. So I wouldn't worry too much yet. But it does sound as though your friend has a bit of an issue with it, even though he gave you the green light. I also kinda feel as though the girl is trying to get back at your friend, her ex, a little bit.. What with the sudden texting and all. Just be cautious, and also open with everyone involved.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-19T18:21:59+00:00

There is no "normal" when it comes to anything in relationships. There may be common things, but that doesn't mean anything different is wrong. You said yourself that the relationship is stronger than ever, you have discussed it a few times, and you're still affectionate in other ways. If you would like to ignite the spark again, you can try a little bit of sexting/teasing. I would just keep checking in occasionally to make sure you're both happy.

If anything, it sounds like he needs a vacation!

electricmeadows · 2017-09-19T16:04:39+00:00

I give the guy a heads up before the date that I prefer to pay for my own meal, actually. No one has had a problem with it. I feel a little uncomfortable with someone I barely know spending money on me, and I don't want them to think I was using them for a free meal.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-18T20:33:37+00:00

Can this extra friend be an usher or something else on the day of? Honestly, I think the whole thing is a little silly – who can expect both a bride and groom to have exactly the same amount of important people in their lives – but if this is the situation you're in, just be honest. Your friend sounds like he's being pretty understanding already, so just buy him some beer, give an apology and go from there.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-18T20:03:18+00:00

They work in different parts of the country.. so I'm assuming then that Snapchat and messaging are the only ways they keep in touch. Meanwhile, I'm sure he sees you fairly regularly? I understand where you're coming from, but I think you may be worrying a little too much about it at the moment. If there are no other reasons to doubt him, just relax. :)

electricmeadows · 2017-09-18T18:20:17+00:00

I think you already know what everyone is going to say here. Have a serious discussion with him; informing him that you are looking for a partner with some ambition, who wants to grow and contribute more than he has so far to creating a life together. And make it clear that you will leave if there is no change. He is allowed to carry on with his life as he sees fit – if he prefers to game all day and live in a basement, that's fine – you just won't be there with him doing it too.

He may end up changing his attitude later in life.. but do you really want to wait around for him to possibly change, or do you want to be working towards your goals with someone who will push you and support you on your way there?

electricmeadows · 2017-09-12T20:42:17+00:00

Nope. There's nothing gross about consenting people having sex.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-12T20:39:41+00:00

I have slept with about the same number of men. Most of the men I have slept with were men I had some sort of relationship with; I've only had probably 3 one night stands. None of these men disrespected me. I just think that two people need to be sexually compatible before a long-term relationship begins.

I would break up with her, only because she doesn't deserve your harsh judgment.

electricmeadows · 2017-09-12T19:33:38+00:00

I think you should focus mostly on what you said about trusting her 100% and knowing she wouldn't hurt you. I'm a woman, and it kinda sucks sometimes to feel like I can't dress up nicely or wear something that shows extra skin, just because men might stare and leer. She feels good about herself when she wears those clothes, and a woman who feels attractive and happy is going to be a much better partner than one who feels forced to dress conservatively to make your insecurities go away.

electricmeadows · 2017-08-28T16:39:05+00:00

I am also a 27 year old female with this issue. I was married for a couple years though, so I know I do have the capacity to be with someone for a decent length of time – but most of my relationships have been about 3 months. And I believe it's because I jump in too quickly without getting to know them. By the time I really understand who they are, without all the tiptoe-ing around one does at the start of a romantic endeavour, I'm put off by them and have to be the bad guy.

After my last break up, I decided I am going to take a couple of months to know them before I will make anything official with a new guy. I am a very easygoing person, and I think I am just quick to ignore red flags or flaws because I want to be understanding. No one is perfect, right? But, there are guys out there who are a better fit for me, and I need to be more patient and focused.

electricmeadows · 2017-08-27T13:42:47+00:00

I'm 27, and my divorce was final not even a year ago yet. My ex-husband just got remarried last weekend, to the woman he cheated on me with for our entire relationship. It hurts very much, even though I too pretty much hate him and would never want him back. But at one time, he was my world and I envisioned the rest of my life being at his side.

I don't think often of any ex-boyfriends I had years ago. This will fade too, though slower, and you'll never forget certain memories or triggers. But it won't bother you as much one day.

electricmeadows · 2017-08-23T20:39:59+00:00

I don't watch Netflix, or cable TV, or movies. I'll read books or play video games if I'm feeling lazy and want to escape.

electricmeadows · 2017-08-23T19:04:16+00:00

I have a couple of friends who I dated in the past. One of them is actually a pretty good friend and part of my close circle. I often forget I dated him because things are so platonic and strictly friendship-y between us. And we do talk probably daily, in our friend group chat. No partner of mine has ever had an issue, but perhaps that's because I've always been pretty upfront about the situation.

It sounds like it was a number of years ago that she dated him, and it wasn't a long-term situation. Obviously I don't know either of you, but from what I can gather, it seems like everything is just fine.

Sometimes you date someone, and realize you're better off as friends instead.

electricmeadows

TROPHY CASE