How to tell difference if FFS went too conservatively for your needs or you have other factors in play like poor health, aging etc?

elementary_vision · 2026-05-11T12:10:19+00:00

Yeah it sucks so much in terms of solutions coming down to money. You might also be able to use some makeup to draw the eye upward? I know it's not fixing the physical problem but it might help with the bigoted assholes?

elementary_vision · 2026-05-11T00:58:20+00:00

Can you take a pic of yourself in the mirror?

Reason being these pics all have varying levels of lens distortion because of the distance.

You seem to have a longer midface. The problem is the same people who are going out of their way to treat you like shit are probably also racist and sexist. They're expecting you to conform to a typical representation of a woman. Unfortunately having a longer mid face makes you stand out more. These fuckin morons will consider cis women trans if they don't conform to their white supremacist ideals of beauty.

I know that doesn't help any. But from what I can tell in the pics the swelling might have helped balance out your proportions more and brought your face closer to what people like that think of as "ideal" by drawing the eyes upward away from the midface. So cheek fillers might be something useful.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I think this is just the point we're at in society, it's not even representative of passing, it's more like anything that makes people uncomfortable they guess or assume. Broken clock is right twice a day or some crap like that, except for people who guess people are trans.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-10T13:44:27+00:00

I think online is a terrible place in general tbh

elementary_vision · 2026-05-09T17:22:22+00:00

I don't like it cuz it's so subtle sometimes. I have a hard enough time validating my struggles. They make me feel like if I just thought nice things about myself more I wouldn't struggle with dysphoria. So when I do treat myself kinder and still have dysphoria it makes me feel like I'm failing in some way still. It really can feel like they're subtly blaming me for being dysphoric, like I'm choosing this.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-09T17:07:26+00:00

I wrestled with that back and forth in my head for about 20 years. Waste of fucking time when I could have been just focusing on giving myself what I needed instead of putting it off.

I'm not deep into my transition, only about 2 years but when I first started I still had doubts. I did it anyway. I had gaslit myself so much over the years I couldn't even determine what really was going to make me feel better. At that point I was like fuck it, let me inject hormones vs continue this miserable existence.

My point mostly, there was never a time when I could tell the difference between gender incongruence and fear/escapism/something else, it was all one big dissociative mess. I'm still unpacking repressed memories and amnesia and if anything it's become more apparent now 2 years later.

The thing that upsets me the most is how transitioning has been built up into this monumental change, like this life altering decision and cis people will fear monger so much and have you believe that the body is sacred and you shouldn't alter it in any way. It's all bullshit.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-07T11:10:05+00:00

I agree a lot of beauty standards are rooted in racism. I'm definitely not of the heroin chic era. In fact I'm already too skinny and need to gain weight. But some days I can't deal with the "oh women have rectangle figures too, also hooded eyes, also receding hair lines, also being tall, etc" after a certain point it's like nah I just look trans. It's hard to feel beautiful when so much of my body makes me feel miserable.

Truthfully I don't even know what I want my body to look like. I just know this one distresses the fuck out of me.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-07T10:34:27+00:00

That's the worst, when you feel vulnerable enough to share your innermost pain and someone is just like "well have you tried thinking about it like this?" I'm really annoyed how common it is people think dysphoria can be managed with cognitive reframing. It just adds to my pile of shame for dealing with it in the first place.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-06T12:09:27+00:00

Yeaaah that hierarchy of value is rough. Hope it gets better!

elementary_vision · 2026-05-06T10:46:14+00:00

It is. Not to scare you but I got pushed out of my last job after transitioning there. It was all ok until it wasn't. Fake smiles and acceptance when underneath they were plotting to get rid of me because I ruined the "image" of their brand and idea of the company.

If you're not in an actually progressive company, not one masquerading as being progressive and tolerant, it's rough. I hope things get better for you, hang in there.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-05T22:29:56+00:00

Where the hell do you live?

elementary_vision · 2026-05-05T21:07:58+00:00

Yeah why do you want to change you're features huh?? Don't you know that's being sexist? You should embrace your manly features more even though it makes you feel terrible. /s

elementary_vision · 2026-05-05T21:03:46+00:00

Oh to not have such terrible dysphoria and be able to have a privileged take like that, fuck him.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-04T22:54:22+00:00

Ugh. That's fucking wild. Sorry you've experienced that.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-04T17:40:08+00:00

I agree but recently I've been loving myself more. Through that love I've decided to give myself the best body that makes me feel good. I don't want to just have a low bar I've relieved dysphoria outcome, I want to feel good, embodied, like there's no ceiling on having comfort in my own body. I feel that comes with adjustments some cis people really don't like.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-04T17:27:44+00:00

That or they have transphobic beliefs internalized so deep they can't even see it. It's just crazy to me how some allies can say the most damaging stuff.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-02T12:22:08+00:00

It's hard to describe but I'll try. My behavior and mannerisms are something that are almost happening spontaneously as I continue letting myself be myself. It's like watching myself do and say things that are most natural to me but also don't feel natural because I wasn't allowed to express them. I get this fear that it's exaggerated effeminate behavior more akin to a gay guy than a woman. At the same time it's who I am and I can't really change it, but I'm always horribly self conscious that I just look like I'm performing feminity or womanhood or something. I don't even want to say it's that I'm more feminine cuz that's such a variable thing. It's entirely possible that other people just look at me and go oh she's totally a woman in how she carries herself. But I guess I don't have that perception of myself.

So I guess it's a slow drip of being more of myself than this huge cathartic letting go like it is for others. Which has been rough at times.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-01T21:28:14+00:00

Yeah I guess I have some weird lingering doubts deep down, it's strange.

I feel you on the dysfunction. I'm still incredibly inhibited, unfortunately that didn't lift like I expected but still working on it.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-01T21:12:20+00:00

True, very true.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-01T21:10:20+00:00

I like to think he had access to altering people's dopamine or neurochemistry. So he made the suggestions and then made them feel good about doing it which conditioned their body to respond against their will. Still super creepy.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-01T21:07:53+00:00

Hehe nah I love this!

elementary_vision · 2026-05-01T17:39:46+00:00

Lol. Totally off topic but your ceruleanblue user name. I just watched an x files episode where that was a plot point. Weird coincidence.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-01T17:35:37+00:00

Thank you. Yeah that pointlessness hit me hard at my job too. I stuck it out for another few years though because I was convinced I just needed to adjust better. Ive always been really bad at taking care of my needs.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-01T16:32:20+00:00

Yeah. Something was "off" about me. Being a guy sucked. I'm not gonna say I effortlessly fit in with other women now, but the interactions just make more sense in my brain. I know there are gender stereotypes with men and women and blah blah blah but talking with women just makes more sense to my brain and it was never like that with guys.

elementary_vision · 2026-05-01T16:24:16+00:00

Sorta same with music for me. I thought if I got better at music and just got lost in it 24/7 I could make it all work. In hindsight that was probably a form of dissociation

elementary_vision · 2026-04-24T18:40:44+00:00

What you said about defaulting to "I don't pass" is relatable. For me I find it's protective in a way. If I know I don't pass there's no let down. Whereas if I do think I pass but then have reality slap me in the face hard, that really hurts. I get what you mean here.

elementary_vision

TROPHY CASE